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swing. ‘So what are we thinking?’ I said. ‘Well, Ben’s parents are thinking that this means that anybody at school might have known about the regular walks they took, and the route they took, and they’re thinking that there might be something in that.’ ‘But anybody they knew could have known about the walks. People with dogs walk them regularly and mostly to the same places. There’s only so many routes you can take in the woods.’ ‘Point taken, but we do have an obligation to look into this, and I think we should. We’re not overrun with options at this point and I am not going to miss anything, Jim. I’ll not have that on my conscience.’ ‘So what this actually means is that we can include school staff, or anybody else who might have had access to this book, in the circle of people who might have known about the dog walks. So what do we do? Re-interview school staff?’ Fraser was scribbling a note. ‘That’s exactly what we do.’ ‘Start with the teacher and teaching assistant?’ ‘Yep. And the headmaster. And don’t forget the school secretary too. They always know everything.’ ‘You know they’ve all got alibis don’t you, boss?’ ‘Yeah, yeah I do. Teacher having lunch with parents, school secretary at cinema with a friend, TA shagging his girlfriend, headmaster playing golf. That good enough recall for you? Do you think I’ve gone senile all of a sudden?’ ‘No, I just want to be sure we’re not wasting our time on this.’ ‘I’m looking for information here. I want to dig deeper with these people. Maybe the books will trigger a memory for somebody. And I need to tell you that we’ve had a turn-up on the CCTV as well,’ she added. ‘Confirmation that Ben was with his mother when they drove across the bridge on the way to the woods. They’re still scouring and cross-checking a final half-hour of footage but we should have the results later today.’ Other than that, Fraser said we still hadn’t tracked down the man Rachel said she and Ben spoke to in the woods. She had a DC looking into that, but he was banging his head against a wall because nobody had come forward. It seemed like Rachel Jenner was the only one who’d seen him. Even the regular dog walkers weren’t sure who he might be. In the office they’d started to call him Big Foot. ‘Nicky Forbes?’ I said, when we were nearly done. My thoughts had kept returning to her, I couldn’t deny it. ‘Definitely still of interest, but softly, softly.’ ‘Of course.’ ‘First job – get Bennett to look through Emma’s work, clear her desk; everything she was doing, I want to know about.’ ‘I can do that, boss.’ ‘I think it’s better if somebody else does it, don’t you, Jim?’ This time, the subtext was crystal clear. She knew. I managed to nod an affirmative and got myself out of her office as quickly as I could.

RACHEL John drove me home, and came inside with me, guiding me past the three or four journalists who remained doggedly outside my door. They should have seen me at the police station, I thought. That would have got them going. For now, they were loitering a few lampposts away from my house and they called out to us in a desultory way, trained like Pavlov’s dogs to know that neither John nor I would talk. They still frightened me, but not as much as their colleagues who were probably piecing together juicy commentary on our lives for their Sunday supplements, making me into a Comment On Society, doing it just as John and I unlocked the front door of my home and contemplated the absence that was our son. Inside, John kept shooting surreptitious glances at me, which made me feel like he was assessing me, gauging my stability. I let him go up to Ben’s room alone, and he was there for a long time. I expected he was doing what I did: touching objects, remembering, smelling bits of clothing, holding things that Ben had held. When he was down, I asked him a question that had been on my mind since Nicky had gone. ‘Why did you tell the police that Nicky was worried about me after Ben was born?’ He was surprised, but he had a quick answer. ‘Because she was. She phoned me a lot.’ ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ ‘At the time? I didn’t think you needed to know. You were so tired, and trying so hard. I thought she was being neurotic. It would have upset you.’ ‘And afterwards?’ ‘I just forgot. She stopped, and it didn’t seem important. Why are you bringing this up now? Did the police mention it?’ ‘I just wondered,’ I said, and I realised that he didn’t know yet, about Nicky, about our family. And I kept the news folded up like a piece of paper I’d tucked into my pocket, because I didn’t know how to say it, and didn’t want to admit that there was a part of me capable of distrusting my own sister. Later on, John said he should go home. I wanted him to stay, but I didn’t trust myself to admit it out loud, for fear of how it would make me sound. I was aware of my own instability by then, I could feel it seeping out into my speech and my actions, and I didn’t want that look from John again. The one that evaluated me, worked out how to handle me. He saw I didn’t want to be alone, he saw that at least. ‘Should I phone Laura?’ he asked and I said, ‘It’s OK,’ but he began to insist and I didn’t know what to do apart from to nod mutely because I couldn’t tell him about her either. About how I’d shooed her away too. It took her a while to answer the phone and when she did he immediately frowned and he left the room. I listened, my house was too small for secrecy, and heard him say, ‘Are you drunk?’ in an incredulous tone. I knew he’d have thumb and finger pressed to his temples, as if trying to hold his thoughts together, I knew he’d look as if his weariness was falling off him in pieces. His end of the conversation was mostly listening noises, murmured words of agreement or appeasement. He spoke very little; she must have been speaking a lot. ‘Rachel will understand,’ he said after a while, ‘I’m sure she will.’ And then, ‘I think it’s best if she calls you tomorrow.’

swing.<br />

‘So what are we thinking?’ I said.<br />

‘Well, Ben’s parents are thinking that this means that anybody at school might have known about the<br />

regular walks they took, and the route they took, and they’re thinking that there might be something in<br />

that.’<br />

‘But anybody they knew could have known about the walks. People with dogs walk them regularly<br />

and mostly to the same places. There’s only so many routes you can take in the woods.’<br />

‘Point taken, but we do have an obligation to look into this, and I think we should. We’re not<br />

overrun with options at this point and I am not going to miss anything, Jim. I’ll not have that on my<br />

conscience.’<br />

‘So what this actually means is that we can include school staff, or anybody else who might have<br />

had access to this book, in the circle of people who might have known about the dog walks. So what<br />

do we do? Re-interview school staff?’<br />

Fraser was scribbling a note. ‘That’s exactly what we do.’<br />

‘Start with the teacher and teaching assistant?’<br />

‘Yep. And the headmaster. And don’t forget the school secretary too. They always know<br />

everything.’<br />

‘You know they’ve all got alibis don’t you, boss?’<br />

‘Yeah, yeah I do. Teacher having lunch with parents, school secretary at cinema with a friend, TA<br />

shagging his girlfriend, headmaster playing golf. That good enough recall for you? Do you think I’ve<br />

gone senile all of a sudden?’<br />

‘No, I just want to be sure we’re not wasting our time on this.’<br />

‘I’m looking for information here. I want to dig deeper with these people. Maybe the books will<br />

trigger a memory for somebody. And I need to tell you that we’ve had a turn-up on the CCTV as well,’<br />

she added. ‘Confirmation that Ben was with his mother when they drove across the bridge on the way<br />

to the woods. They’re still scouring and cross-checking a final half-hour of footage but we should<br />

have the results later today.’<br />

Other than that, Fraser said we still hadn’t tracked down the man Rachel said she and Ben spoke to<br />

in the woods. She had a DC looking into that, but he was banging his head against a wall because<br />

nobody had come forward. It seemed like Rachel Jenner was the only one who’d seen him. Even the<br />

regular dog walkers weren’t sure who he might be. In the office they’d started to call him Big Foot.<br />

‘Nicky Forbes?’ I said, when we were nearly done. My thoughts had kept returning to her, I<br />

couldn’t deny it.<br />

‘Definitely still of interest, but softly, softly.’<br />

‘Of course.’<br />

‘First job – get Bennett to look through Emma’s work, clear her desk; everything she was doing, I<br />

want to know about.’<br />

‘I can do that, boss.’<br />

‘I think it’s better if somebody else does it, don’t you, Jim?’<br />

This time, the subtext was crystal clear. She knew. I managed to nod an affirmative and got myself<br />

out of her office as quickly as I could.

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