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‘Stop asking me to be patient. How can I be patient? My son is missing and if they can’t be bothered to come down here I’m going to go to them. What’s more important than a piece of new evidence that they don’t know about? How is it that I can get the immediate attention of any journalist in the country but not of a single officer investigating my son’s case? Should I take this to the press? Should I?’ I was waving the book at her, brandishing it in her face. ‘Please don’t raise your voice, Ms Jenner.’ ‘I will raise my voice if I fucking well feel like it. I will raise my voice until SOMEBODY COMES DOWN AND LOOKS AT THIS BOOK!’ I slammed it down on the desk in front of her. ‘THEY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I WANT MY SON BACK. I WANT BEN AND IF YOU DON’T WANT ME HERE THEN YOU CAN FUCKING WELL ARREST ME.’ She was no pushover, the receptionist. She spoke to me in a voice that was steel-reinforced. ‘If you take a seat, I shall phone the incident room once more. If you continue to make a scene I shall ask one of my colleagues to escort you from the building.’ Up close to the desk, I saw that her handbag was tucked into a corner behind her desk. It had a newspaper folded on it, and I realised that even here, in this environment, I was probably being judged through the filter of what was written about me; that the receptionist was seeing, in front of her own eyes, the Rachel Jenner from the press conference. John was at my side, and he coaxed me away then, back to the sofa, and I stared at the few people coming and going through the foyer in front of us with an empty gaze that made many of them take a second look at me. Within minutes, a man stood in front of us. ‘DI Bennett,’ he said, sticking a hand out to John first, and then to me. His handshake was painfully strong, and I didn’t recognise him. ‘Is this it then?’ John stood up and handed him the book and DI Bennett’s big hand seemed to dwarf it. He had a neck that sat in rolls on his collar, narrow wide-set eyes, and the shiny crown of his head took on the glow of the ceiling lights. ‘Right,’ he said. ‘Do you want to show me what’s worrying you?’ I showed him the pages that haunted me, and he pored over them, brow hunched. ‘I see what you mean,’ he said, and then, ‘He’s a good artist your lad, isn’t he?’ ‘Will you show it to DI Clemo, or DCI Fraser?’ ‘Of course I will. I’ll do that right away.’ ‘Should we stay, in case you have questions?’ ‘Honestly, the best place for you right now is at home. We know where to find you, and we’ll be in touch with any questions or any information we have, I promise you. And if you phone us with any concerns, at any point, we will always send somebody to talk to you at home about it, there’s no need for you to come here.’ ‘I tried to phone DC Zhang,’ I said. ‘Ah well, she’s a bit busy in a meeting right now.’ ‘We wanted to get it to you quickly.’ ‘We appreciate that, Ms Jenner, we really do, and we’ll deal with it immediately. I’m going to personally hand-deliver this to DCI Fraser as soon as I leave you.’ ‘Thank you,’ John said. Bennett tucked the book under his arm. ‘I suggest you both go home and get some rest now. The more you rest, the better you’ll cope. Thank you for bringing it in.’
He offered each of us his hand again and then disappeared through a set of double doors that swung dully on their hinges in his wake. In spite of his politeness, and of the care he took looking at the book, he left me overwhelmed by my own impotence, feeling it in great shuddering waves. John looked at me with fright, as if he was terrified of another scene that he didn’t have the resources to handle, and it was the receptionist who came to my rescue. She emerged from the desk and came to me, and sat beside me on the sofa, and put her arms around me. She smelled of perfume and hairspray and she had liver-spotted hands. ‘I know,’ she said over and over again. ‘I know.’ And that act of kindness surprised me, and then upset me more, and finally calmed me down, until I was ready for John to take me home.
- Page 204 and 205: He took another sheet of paper from
- Page 206 and 207: more imperfect than any version of
- Page 208 and 209: JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
- Page 210 and 211: JC: She said she was knackered. She
- Page 212 and 213: It led swiftly to the fourth state.
- Page 214 and 215: Quick response appreciated, obvious
- Page 216 and 217: WEB PAGE - www.whereisbenedictfinch
- Page 218 and 219: I didn’t know what to say. I look
- Page 220 and 221: RACHEL Zhang agreed to come and giv
- Page 222 and 223: sensation. Then she spoke to him of
- Page 224 and 225: abstract shapes floating within it,
- Page 226 and 227: JIM I got one of the DCs to pick up
- Page 228 and 229: RACHEL This time, I made no attempt
- Page 230 and 231: dog, black and white like Skittle,
- Page 232 and 233: FM: I’m not intending to. That’
- Page 234 and 235: everything that had happened. But I
- Page 236 and 237: JIM We worked closely with John Fin
- Page 238 and 239: DAY 7 SATURDAY, 27 OCTOBER 2012 An
- Page 240 and 241: RACHEL In the early hours of the mo
- Page 242 and 243: school year, but I started to work
- Page 244 and 245: tight. A hospital band was visible
- Page 246 and 247: cancer himself. The whole family, w
- Page 248 and 249: Another page. A different drawing:
- Page 250 and 251: ‘The blog.’ I was slow; I didn
- Page 252 and 253: told him to fuck off. ‘Tell Frase
- Page 256 and 257: JIM In the incident room the blinds
- Page 258 and 259: swing. ‘So what are we thinking?
- Page 260 and 261: ‘She’s drunk?’ I asked when h
- Page 262 and 263: JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
- Page 264 and 265: JC: Fine. He coaxes his lips up int
- Page 266 and 267: JIM It was Emma who I thought of al
- Page 268 and 269: DAY 8 SUNDAY, 28 OCTOBER 2012 The P
- Page 270 and 271: RACHEL When dawn came there was no
- Page 272 and 273: JIM Nine o’clock Sunday morning,
- Page 274 and 275: RACHEL The hospital receptionist se
- Page 276 and 277: JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
- Page 278 and 279: RACHEL My cab driver on the way hom
- Page 280 and 281: tall bear of a man, with very dark
- Page 282 and 283: ‘To be honest, I assumed Nicky wo
- Page 284 and 285: He actually put his hand over his h
- Page 286 and 287: ‘Cool,’ my avatar said. ‘New
- Page 288 and 289: me wants you here to run the invest
- Page 290 and 291: I behaved in an arrogant and disgus
- Page 292 and 293: RACHEL I logged on to Furry Footbal
- Page 294 and 295: ‘I know it was him,’ I said. Th
- Page 296 and 297: Her handbag was on the seat between
- Page 298 and 299: so that my toes were already numb.
- Page 300 and 301: ‘It’s what Miss May said, about
- Page 302 and 303: He sat back down. ‘Again,’ he s
He offered each of us his hand again and then disappeared through a set of double doors that swung<br />
dully on their hinges in his wake.<br />
In spite of his politeness, and of the care he took looking at the book, he left me overwhelmed by<br />
my own impotence, feeling it in great shuddering waves. John looked at me with fright, as if he was<br />
terrified of another scene that he didn’t have the resources to handle, and it was the receptionist who<br />
came to my rescue. She emerged from the desk and came to me, and sat beside me on the sofa, and put<br />
her arms around me. She smelled of perfume and hairspray and she had liver-spotted hands.<br />
‘I know,’ she said over and over again. ‘I know.’<br />
And that act of kindness surprised me, and then upset me more, and finally calmed me down, until I<br />
was ready for John to take me home.
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