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RACHEL When I got back inside Nicky held the phone out to me. ‘It’s John.’ ‘The nursing home rang,’ he said. ‘My mother’s distressed because you didn’t bring Ben to visit her today.’ ‘Oh God.’ I’d forgotten about Ruth. Ben and I made a regular weekly visit to see her in her nursing home. Spending time with her grandson was one of the only things she looked forward to. ‘Does she know?’ I asked. ‘No.’ His voice was quiet. ‘I’ve asked them to keep her away from the media.’ I knew it would be easy to keep Ruth away from the TV – she didn’t have a television in her room, and she was fiercely dismissive of the communal areas of the nursing home, keeping to her own room mostly. She loved to listen to Radio 3, though, and I wondered how they were managing that. She’d be desolate without it. John was one step ahead of me. He said, ‘They’ve told her that her radio’s broken, and Katrina dropped off some CDs for her, and a player. It should keep her going for a while.’ ‘You’ll have to go and see her,’ I said. ‘I can’t see her.’ This said so quietly that I could hardly hear him. ‘Well, one of us has to go. We don’t have to tell her.’ I wanted it to be him that went. I didn’t want to have to look into Ruth’s eyes and lie to her about Ben, but to tell her would break her heart. ‘No. Don’t ask me to,’ he said. ‘I can’t.’ ‘John!’ ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, and he hung up. I stood there with the phone in my hand, incredulous. ‘How does he think I can deal with this any better than him?’ I said. ‘I’m not sure he’s coping,’ said Nicky. ‘Nobody’s coping,’ I said. ‘He’s really on the edge.’ ‘We’re all on the edge.’ ‘Don’t argue.’ Laura tried to be peacekeeper. ‘I just don’t see why everybody has to be so worried about John.’ ‘We ought to be thinking of him,’ said Nicky. ‘It’s not just you who’s affected by this.’ ‘Oh and it’s so hard for you with your perfect husband and perfect daughters safe in their perfect home?’ Nicky gasped. ‘That’s just not fair.’ She got up and left the room. I’d gone too far. ‘She didn’t deserve that,’ said Laura. ‘I know.’ ‘She’s trying to help.’ I knew I should apologise to Nicky, but I couldn’t bring myself to. She came back down soon afterwards, eyes red, but face composed. ‘Rachel, I know this feels unbearable, but we’re all on your side, and there are even people out there who are on your side too. The stuff online, it’s not all bad. People are out there searching for Ben. People we don’t know.’
‘They’re organising themselves online,’ said Laura. ‘Using social media.’ ‘And the police are going to meet with us,’ said Nicky. ‘Don’t forget what Zhang said earlier. We’ll be working with them to find Ben. It’ll give us the best chance.’ She held my hand and squeezed it gently, but all I could think of was those people out there who hid behind online nicknames, or anonymous blogs, or found safety in numbers on the payroll of newspapers. I thought about how they’d started hunting me from the moment I went off-message at the press conference and I felt preyed upon. Just like my son.
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Gilly Macmillan grew up in Swindon,
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Burnt Paper Sky Table of Contents A
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JIM BEFORE
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DAY 2 JIM
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JIM
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DAY 3 JIM
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DAY 5 JIM
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DAY 7 JIM
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DAY 8 JIM
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DAY 9 JIM
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JIM
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RACHEL
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RACHEL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS BIBLIOGRAPH
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Author’s Note During the research
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PROLOGUE NOVEMBER 2013 - ONE YEAR A
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imaginary interview goes really wel
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But whether I’ve been awake or as
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BEFORE DAY 1 SUNDAY, 21 OCTOBER 201
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eally honest, I hadn’t noticed it
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‘OK,’ and he was off, careering
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as if the woodland was holding its
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appeared on the path. Our progress
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‘That’s good news,’ she said.
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FM: Do you think that expressing fe
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JC: It was a promotion is what it w
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suspect, is not going to be an easy
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RACHEL John couldn’t stand the wa
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It was the awkward twitch of Inspec
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‘Solid eight hours,’ I said. I
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RACHEL Inspector Miller said that b
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JIM Kenneth Steele House is where I
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had four pairs of officers in place
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at others. He was always watching m
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JIM I was quite pleased with how th
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his parents as well as his grandpar
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‘Expertise is on our side,’ she
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RACHEL My sister Nicky was waiting
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unstoppable. She told me that the w
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the streetlights and the geometric
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JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
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FM: So you recommended Emma for the
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DAY 3 TUESDAY, 23 OCTOBER 2012 Be a
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RACHEL In the car on the way to Ken
Page 142 and 143: ‘If you are the person who is wit
Page 144 and 145: ‘This way,’ she said. She swept
Page 146 and 147: ‘It’s a soft alibi.’ Fraser w
Page 148 and 149: trace of dignity or vulnerability,
Page 150 and 151: missing”, and that everybody is l
Page 152 and 153: looking woman too: nicely dressed,
Page 154 and 155: ‘Were there signs that the arm wa
Page 156 and 157: accident. But we’ll check it out
Page 158 and 159: To the insultingly practical: Don
Page 160 and 161: JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
Page 162 and 163: FM: So apart from the negative pres
Page 164 and 165: they’re focused on the job? FM: Y
Page 166 and 167: DAY 4 WEDNESDAY, 24 OCTOBER 2012 Cr
Page 168 and 169: RACHEL I slept only fitfully after
Page 170 and 171: WEB PAGE - www.whereisbenedictfinch
Page 172 and 173: JIM I spoke to Emma before I left f
Page 174 and 175: say that he doesn’t play by the r
Page 176 and 177: ‘Bye,’ Fount said to him. ‘Wh
Page 178 and 179: thanked her for what she did for us
Page 180 and 181: I sat on the bed for a long time, u
Page 182 and 183: JIM Fraser and I had a pre-meet bef
Page 184 and 185: ‘He’s got an alibi, doesn’t h
Page 186 and 187: RACHEL Nicky phoned the police and
Page 188 and 189: door in the middle of the night. Yo
Page 190 and 191: an orange wash remained. It struck
Page 194 and 195: JIM On the night of Wednesday, 24 O
Page 196 and 197: DAY 5 THURSDAY, 25 OCTOBER 2012 You
Page 198 and 199: RACHEL I slept the night in Ben’s
Page 200 and 201: individuals closest to Ben, and he
Page 202 and 203: ‘What about their son, Charlie Bo
Page 204 and 205: He took another sheet of paper from
Page 206 and 207: more imperfect than any version of
Page 208 and 209: JIM Addendum to DI James Clemo’s
Page 210 and 211: JC: She said she was knackered. She
Page 212 and 213: It led swiftly to the fourth state.
Page 214 and 215: Quick response appreciated, obvious
Page 216 and 217: WEB PAGE - www.whereisbenedictfinch
Page 218 and 219: I didn’t know what to say. I look
Page 220 and 221: RACHEL Zhang agreed to come and giv
Page 222 and 223: sensation. Then she spoke to him of
Page 224 and 225: abstract shapes floating within it,
Page 226 and 227: JIM I got one of the DCs to pick up
Page 228 and 229: RACHEL This time, I made no attempt
Page 230 and 231: dog, black and white like Skittle,
Page 232 and 233: FM: I’m not intending to. That’
Page 234 and 235: everything that had happened. But I
Page 236 and 237: JIM We worked closely with John Fin
Page 238 and 239: DAY 7 SATURDAY, 27 OCTOBER 2012 An
Page 240 and 241: RACHEL In the early hours of the mo
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school year, but I started to work
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tight. A hospital band was visible
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cancer himself. The whole family, w
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Another page. A different drawing:
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‘The blog.’ I was slow; I didn
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told him to fuck off. ‘Tell Frase
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‘Stop asking me to be patient. Ho
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JIM In the incident room the blinds
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swing. ‘So what are we thinking?
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‘She’s drunk?’ I asked when h
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JC: Fine. He coaxes his lips up int
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JIM It was Emma who I thought of al
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DAY 8 SUNDAY, 28 OCTOBER 2012 The P
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RACHEL When dawn came there was no
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JIM Nine o’clock Sunday morning,
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RACHEL The hospital receptionist se
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RACHEL My cab driver on the way hom
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tall bear of a man, with very dark
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‘To be honest, I assumed Nicky wo
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He actually put his hand over his h
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‘Cool,’ my avatar said. ‘New
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me wants you here to run the invest
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I behaved in an arrogant and disgus
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RACHEL I logged on to Furry Footbal
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‘I know it was him,’ I said. Th
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Her handbag was on the seat between
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so that my toes were already numb.
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‘It’s what Miss May said, about
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He sat back down. ‘Again,’ he s
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JIM Nicky Forbes was disturbed by m
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RACHEL It took me twenty-five minut
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here. And then I saw something else
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JIM Nicky Forbes’s expression was
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RACHEL They prised me up off the ca
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Operator: OK. They’re a few minut
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RECORD OF EVIDENCE: AVON AND SOMERS
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RACHEL Bristol Children’s Hospita
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‘Is the child all right?’ Mrs M
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RACHEL I approached my son’s beds
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EPILOGUE CHRISTMAS 2013 - ONE YEAR,
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RACHEL A few weeks ago, somebody as
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that he loved so much in return. Th
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JC: Yes. FM: Have you seen her sinc
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RACHEL We might never have closure,
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us that. He came to our house and w
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BIBLIOGRAPHY The following websites
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