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When trust is broken through adultery, persistent lying, or
other means. It can always be re-established but it would
take time. First, we have to imbibe the spirit of forgiveness,
secondly, the person who broke the trust must be contrite
(repentance – I’m sorry, forgive me and I won’t do it again),
then set practical goals, like you have to call me four times a
day, you must be back home right after work, you cannot
have contact with someone of the opposite sex that I don’t
know and many more practical stuff.
If you are dealing with a persistent trust breaker, please seek
professional help either spiritual or emotional.
LOVE and RESPECT
Anyone who has done marital counseling either as a
professional or a lay person would attest to the fact that the
bottom line of any marriage problem (though shaded in many
forms) is lack of love being shown to the wife and lack of
respect being shown to the man.
If you want a great marriage and you are a woman start
learning how to respect your husband and if you are a man
learn to love your wife. Respect and love come in different
forms.
Women need to understand that wanting respect is a thing
that God wired into a man’s DNA (not scientifically proven).
Men don’t want you challenging their opinion; all you need
do is share your own opinion. When sharing what you think,
avoid doing it forcefully. Don’t tell him what to do, men hate
that. Suggest! Suggest! Suggest! And pray that he makes the
right choice. If you make more money, don’t remind him of
that constantly and thread gently with him (he is already
emotionally battered by that). There are ways you can make
him do what you want, instead of forcing your way through
(read 1 Peter 3: 1-6 on how to do that).
Affirming your wife is one way of loving her, giving her a good
massage or just holding her without asking for sex is another
thing women love. Most women I know want their spouse to
show the love and affection to them in public or in the
presence of other people, not just in the confine of the
bedroom.
Note of caution on love and respect. While a wife cannot
“nag” love out of a man, the man cannot “beat” respect out
of the woman.
FORGIVE each other
The issue with marriage is not if we are going to have
problem but when we have problem. Everybody in marriage
is dealing with one problem or another, it could be a wife who
doesn’t know how to talk to the husband or cook, or it could
be a husband who lies as a way of life.
Jesus repeatedly said we should forgive, he even said our
father in heaven would not receive our offering if we don’t
forgive. Jesus told the parable of a king who forgave one of
his subjects of $1 million; while this same subject had
another person thrown in jail for $100 (money conversion is
mine). When the king heard that this guy threw someone
else in jail for such a miniscule amount, he was mad and had
the guy himself thrown in jail. The lesson here is that, we
have been forgiven much and we should forgive much as
well.
Jesus knew that as husband and wife, we will get on each
other’s nerve that is why he said forgive 70 x 7 times.
Forgiveness is not for the person that offends you; it is for
you not to carry unnecessary burden on yourself that could
lead to depression, emotional burden or physical harm.
LISTEN more than you talk
Someone once said God gave us two ears and one mouth, so
we can listen more than we talk. This is so true if we want to
have a good marriage.
John is a Vietnam vet, macho guy that wants to do for
everybody. He also loves his wife dearly and wants to do for
her as well. There is however one problem. He is solving the
problem that his wife Mary has not asked him to solve. As
men, with our analytical mind, we are wired to solve
problems (sometimes we look for problems).
Wanting to solve our spouses problem(s) is not a sin, in-fact
the support is needed in a relationship, but when we talk
Note of caution on love and
respect. While a wife cannot
“nag” love out of a man, the
man cannot “beat” respect
out of the woman.
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