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Wisdom Magazine. A Christian Publication with Practical help for daily living
Wisdom Magazine. A Christian Publication with Practical help for daily living
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When trust is broken through adultery, persistent lying, or<br />
other means. It can always be re-established but it would<br />
take time. First, we have to imbibe the spirit of forgiveness,<br />
secondly, the person who broke the trust must be contrite<br />
(repentance – I’m sorry, forgive me and I won’t do it again),<br />
then set practical goals, like you have to call me four times a<br />
day, you must be back home right after work, you cannot<br />
have contact with someone of the opposite sex that I don’t<br />
know and many more practical stuff.<br />
If you are dealing with a persistent trust breaker, please seek<br />
professional help either spiritual or emotional.<br />
LOVE and RESPECT<br />
Anyone who has done marital counseling either as a<br />
professional or a lay person would attest to the fact that the<br />
bottom line of any marriage problem (though shaded in many<br />
forms) is lack of love being shown to the wife and lack of<br />
respect being shown to the man.<br />
If you want a great marriage and you are a woman start<br />
learning how to respect your husband and if you are a man<br />
learn to love your wife. Respect and love come in different<br />
forms.<br />
Women need to understand that wanting respect is a thing<br />
that God wired into a man’s DNA (not scientifically proven).<br />
Men don’t want you challenging their opinion; all you need<br />
do is share your own opinion. When sharing what you think,<br />
avoid doing it forcefully. Don’t tell him what to do, men hate<br />
that. Suggest! Suggest! Suggest! And pray that he makes the<br />
right choice. If you make more money, don’t remind him of<br />
that constantly and thread gently with him (he is already<br />
emotionally battered by that). There are ways you can make<br />
him do what you want, instead of forcing your way through<br />
(read 1 Peter 3: 1-6 on how to do that).<br />
Affirming your wife is one way of loving her, giving her a good<br />
massage or just holding her without asking for sex is another<br />
thing women love. Most women I know want their spouse to<br />
show the love and affection to them in public or in the<br />
presence of other people, not just in the confine of the<br />
bedroom.<br />
Note of caution on love and respect. While a wife cannot<br />
“nag” love out of a man, the man cannot “beat” respect out<br />
of the woman.<br />
FORGIVE each other<br />
The issue with marriage is not if we are going to have<br />
problem but when we have problem. Everybody in marriage<br />
is dealing with one problem or another, it could be a wife who<br />
doesn’t know how to talk to the husband or cook, or it could<br />
be a husband who lies as a way of life.<br />
Jesus repeatedly said we should forgive, he even said our<br />
father in heaven would not receive our offering if we don’t<br />
forgive. Jesus told the parable of a king who forgave one of<br />
his subjects of $1 million; while this same subject had<br />
another person thrown in jail for $100 (money conversion is<br />
mine). When the king heard that this guy threw someone<br />
else in jail for such a miniscule amount, he was mad and had<br />
the guy himself thrown in jail. The lesson here is that, we<br />
have been forgiven much and we should forgive much as<br />
well.<br />
Jesus knew that as husband and wife, we will get on each<br />
other’s nerve that is why he said forgive 70 x 7 times.<br />
Forgiveness is not for the person that offends you; it is for<br />
you not to carry unnecessary burden on yourself that could<br />
lead to depression, emotional burden or physical harm.<br />
LISTEN more than you talk<br />
Someone once said God gave us two ears and one mouth, so<br />
we can listen more than we talk. This is so true if we want to<br />
have a good marriage.<br />
John is a Vietnam vet, macho guy that wants to do for<br />
everybody. He also loves his wife dearly and wants to do for<br />
her as well. There is however one problem. He is solving the<br />
problem that his wife Mary has not asked him to solve. As<br />
men, with our analytical mind, we are wired to solve<br />
problems (sometimes we look for problems).<br />
Wanting to solve our spouses problem(s) is not a sin, in-fact<br />
the support is needed in a relationship, but when we talk<br />
Note of caution on love and<br />
respect. While a wife cannot<br />
“nag” love out of a man, the<br />
man cannot “beat” respect<br />
out of the woman.<br />
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