Avant-propos - Studia Moralia

Avant-propos - Studia Moralia Avant-propos - Studia Moralia

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78 DENNIS J. BILLY Indeed, there would be no need for him to give such advice if the rages of concupiscence no longer had any hold over the human heart. It is for this reason that Aelred offers some very concrete and practical advice to his readers about forming spiritual friendships. In his mind, there are “…four stages by which one climbs to the perfection of friendship: the first is selection, the second probation, the third admission, and the fourth perfect harmony in matters human and divine with charity and benevolence.” 44 In the selection process, Aelred instructs his readers of the types of person who should (and should not) be chosen for friendship. He advises them to avoid strong ties with those who have a difficult time restraining the passions that lead a person to quarreling, anger, fickleness, suspicion, and talkativeness. 45 Friendships with those who can give love and affection, security and happiness, by way of contrast, should be actively pursued. 46 If one has already begun a friendship with someone who cannot withstand these tendencies, he reminds his readers that they are still bound by the law of charity and should unstitch the bond “little by little” rather than breaking it off immediately. 47 As far as the period of probation is concerned, Aelred says that a potential friend should be given a trial period where the qualities of loyalty, right intention, discretion, and patience are tested. 48 Once these qualities have been carefully examined in a potential friend, that person can be admitted to be one’s closest confident, where a union of spirits will eventually take place and where one will discover “…how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.” 49 Aelred himself provides his reader with an example from his own experience of the gradual process whereby a person is admitted into the intimacy of spiritual friendship: “All this in a most wondrous way had bound him to me by the most intimate bounds, and so had brought him into 44 DSA 3:8 [CCCM 1:319(64-68); SF 93]. 45 DSA 3:55 [CCCM 1:328(379-82); SF 104]. 46 DSA 3:51 [CCCM 1:327(346-47); SF 103]. 47 DSA 3:41 [CCCM 1:325(281-85); SF 101]. 48 DSA 3:61 [CCCM 1:329(418-19); SF 105]. 49 DSA 3:131[CCCM 1:349(1090-91); SF 131].

my affection, that from an inferior I made him my companion, from a companion a friend, from a friend my most cherished of friends.” 50 The need for all of this practical advice arises out of Aelred’s keen awareness of the various pitfalls before anyone who seeks to enter into a friendship with another person that is rooted in Christ. It is also why Book Three (where this practical advice occurs) is the longest part of the treatise and generally the most widely read. Observations THE HEALING ROLE OF FRIENDSHIP 79 Given the above literary and theological contexts, as well as accompanying applications to Aelred’s understanding of goodness, the kiss of friendship, and the need for practical advice about entering into and sustaining such a bond, a number of observations are in order. 1. To begin with, Aelred’s teaching on friendship and his lively conversation with Ivo, Walter, and Gratian encourage the reader to examine the quality of his or her own personal relationships. Aelred adapts the dialogue form to suit his practical, experiential concerns for entering into the friendship of Christ. He does so by presenting his readers with a number of possibilities regarding the range of spiritual friendships available to them and by urging them, at least implicitly, to be aware of their own potential for entering into and maintaining such relationships. By engaging his own active imagination and helping the other characters of dialogue to do the same, Aelred raises questions, makes suggestions, and opens possibilities that may inspire the reader to embark on a similar process of reflection. 2. When going through the treatise, one gets the strong sense that the written conversation reflects a conversation going on in Aelred’s mind which, in turn, has its roots in actual conversations with his friends. Aelred’s dialogue, in other words, is the fruit not only of his real-life friendships with Ivo, Walter, and 50 DSA 3:122 [CCCM 1:346(1001-4); SF 127].

my affection, that from an inferior I made him my companion,<br />

from a companion a friend, from a friend my most cherished of<br />

friends.” 50<br />

The need for all of this practical advice arises out of Aelred’s<br />

keen awareness of the various pitfalls before anyone who seeks<br />

to enter into a friendship with another person that is rooted in<br />

Christ. It is also why Book Three (where this practical advice occurs)<br />

is the longest part of the treatise and generally the most<br />

widely read.<br />

Observations<br />

THE HEALING ROLE OF FRIENDSHIP 79<br />

Given the above literary and theological contexts, as well as<br />

accompanying applications to Aelred’s understanding of goodness,<br />

the kiss of friendship, and the need for practical advice<br />

about entering into and sustaining such a bond, a number of observations<br />

are in order.<br />

1. To begin with, Aelred’s teaching on friendship and his lively<br />

conversation with Ivo, Walter, and Gratian encourage the<br />

reader to examine the quality of his or her own personal relationships.<br />

Aelred adapts the dialogue form to suit his practical,<br />

experiential concerns for entering into the friendship of Christ.<br />

He does so by presenting his readers with a number of possibilities<br />

regarding the range of spiritual friendships available to<br />

them and by urging them, at least implicitly, to be aware of their<br />

own potential for entering into and maintaining such relationships.<br />

By engaging his own active imagination and helping the<br />

other characters of dialogue to do the same, Aelred raises questions,<br />

makes suggestions, and opens possibilities that may inspire<br />

the reader to embark on a similar process of reflection.<br />

2. When going through the treatise, one gets the strong sense<br />

that the written conversation reflects a conversation going on in<br />

Aelred’s mind which, in turn, has its roots in actual conversations<br />

with his friends. Aelred’s dialogue, in other words, is the<br />

fruit not only of his real-life friendships with Ivo, Walter, and<br />

50 DSA 3:122 [CCCM 1:346(1001-4); SF 127].

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