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eat either. We didn't touch each other much – we didn't – but we talked and looked at each other a
lot. I want to touch him. More than any boy I've ever known. And I know he wants it, too, but he's
holding back on me. That's what I can't understand, why he's fighting this, why he's holding back.
Yesterday in his room I found proof positive that he's been watching me from the beginning. You
remember how I told you that on the second day of school Bonnie and Meredith and I were in the
cemetery? Well, yesterday in Stefan's room I found the apricot ribbon I was wearing that day. I
remember it falling out of my hand while I was running, and he must have picked it up and kept it.
I haven't told him I know, because he obviously wants to keep it a secret, but that shows, doesn't it,
that he cares about me?
I'll tell you someone else who is Not Amused. Caroline. Apparently she's been dragging him off
into the photography room for lunch every day, and when he didn't show up today she went
searching until she found us. Poor Stefan, he'd forgotten about her completely, and he was shocked
at himself Once she left – a nasty unhealthy shade of green, I might add – he told me how she'd
attached herself to him the first week of school. She said she'd noticed he didn't really eat at lunch
and she didn't either since she was on a diet, and why didn't they go someplace quiet and relax?
He wouldn't really say anything bad about her (which I think is his idea of manners again, a
gentleman doesn't do that), but he did say there was nothing at all between them. And for Caroline
I think being forgotten was worse than if he'd thrown rocks at her.
I wonder why Stefan hasn't been eating lunch, though. It's strange in a football player.
Uh-oh. Mr. Tanner just walked by and I slammed my note pad over this diary just in time. Bonnie
is snickering behind her history book, I can see her shoulders shaking. And Stefan, who's in front
of me, looks as tense as if he's going to leap out of his chair any minute. Matt is giving me "you
nut" looks and Caroline is glaring. I am being very, very innocent, writing with my eyes fixed on
Tanner up front. So if this is a bit wobbly and messy, you'll understand why.
For the last month, I haven't really been myself. I haven't been able to think clearly or
concentrate on anything but Stefan. There is so much I've left undone that I'm almost scared. I'm
supposed to be in charge of decorations for the Haunted House and I haven't done one thing about
it yet Now I've got exactly three and a half weeks to get it organized – and I want to be with Stefan.
I could quit the committee. But that would leave Bonnie and Meredith holding the bag. And I
keep remembering what Matt said when I asked him to get Stefan to come to the dance: "You want
everybody and everything revolving around Elena Gilbert."
That isn't true. Or at least, if it has been in the past, I'm not going to let it be true anymore. I
want – oh, this is going to sound completely stupid, but I want to be worthy of Stefan. I know he
wouldn't let the guys on the team down just to suit his own convenience. I want him to be proud of
me.
I want him to love me as much as I love him.
"Hurry up!" called Bonnie from the doorway of the gym. Beside her the high school janitor, Mr.
Shelby, stood waiting.
Elena cast one last glance at the distant figures on the football field, then reluctantly crossed the
blacktop to join Bonnie.
"I just wanted to tell Stefan where I was going," she said. After a week of being with Stefan, she