PULP & POPCORN

Page 41
NOEL
Based on a screenplay by Drew McWeeny & Scott Swan
1 / Is Santa Claus Real?
One of the most important questions any child asks their parent is also one of the most
frequent.
Is Santa Claus real?
The answer, of course, is not a simple yes or a simple no. Yes, he is real, but no, the way
he's normally described or depicted is not correct. Some of the details are right. Some are
wrong. Santa Claus was not created by Coca-Cola. He’s not sitting in a mall somewhere with
a parade of kids freaking out instead of posing for a picture. He’s not that weird-ass Rankin-
Bass stop motion dude, either, and seriously… what was that about?
The true story has never been told because it was never truly known. But the children
of the world deserve to know that truth. So, then, the truth. All of it.
Once upon a time, as these stories begin, at the very top of the world, there was a
warrior king. His was a land of ice and snow, of jagged mountains and deep valleys. His
castle sat high enough to see the entire surrounding land, high enough that no one ever
dared challenge him.
When he was home, ruling his kingdom, its name long since lost to time, he sat on a
throne in a massive room, both the court and the throne cut from the heart of the
mountain, everything polished ice and rock. He ruled his court and his land with fear and
fire. His name was Noel Splitskull.
The truth is, though, that he was an absentee king for most of his reign. He fought war
after war when he was in his prime, leading legions of men with swords and spears, and he
thrived on the brutality and the death of it all. He spent long days soaked in the blood of his
enemies, alive and exhilarated, and longer years leading a growing force across the map.
In the end, only one force was strong enough to slow him, the same force that
eventually claims 100% of its targets. Nothing less than Time Itself was Noel's enemy, and
he never stood a chance.