NEWCOMER TOOL KIT

CHAPTER 4
CLASSROOM TOOL
Problem-Solving Steps for Modeling
and Teaching Conflict Resolution
Beginning with the first days of the school year, students have predictable conflicts about sharing materials,
choosing work partners, or deciding whom to play with. These are times when teachers can teach the basic skills
of conflict resolution by navigating students through a difficult interpersonal moment. Modeling and teaching
these skills sends a strong message about how disagreements will be handled in your class. It also gives children
opportunities to experience problem-solving in situations that really matter to them.
Step 1: Cooling off when upset
Research shows that stress-induced changes in our bodies impede logical thinking and increase aggression.
Taking steps to calm ourselves allows us to do the clear thinking and careful listening needed for peacefully
resolving interpersonal problems.
Step 2: The upset student states the issue
Children experienced with student-to-student conflict resolution use “I-statements” to say why they’re upset:
“I felt bad when you said I couldn’t play with you.” By focusing on her own feelings, the upset child gives the
other child space to listen calmly and openly, without feeling attacked or defensive. But when you’re guiding
children who are just learning the basic skills, “you-statements” are acceptable.
Step 3: The second student listens and paraphrases what has been stated
Often children can’t state their understanding because rather than listening carefully, they were busy
preparing their defense. Sometimes they need to have their partner repeat what he or she said.
Step 4: The second student states his or her opinion
This experience shows children that in such conversations, they will have an opportunity to speak. This helps
them wait their turn and focus on listening.
Step 5: The process continues until both students feel that they have been
fully heard
It’s important to model patience and thoroughness in stating all the reasons for a conflict. Unspoken
grievances will fester and result in more conflict, sooner or later.
Step 6: The children reach a solution
Agreeing on a plan is one thing; actually following through is another. When children are just learning to resolve
interpersonal problems, they especially need your supportive check-in to make sure the agreed-upon solution is
working for both of them. Within a few days after coaching, you can simply ask each of them, “How’s that plan
going?” Sometimes, all you need to do is notice if their behavior toward one another has changed.
Adapted from Crowe, Caltha. (2009, February 1). Coaching children in handling everyday conflicts. Retrieved from the Responsive
Classroom website: https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/coaching-children-in-handling-everyday-conflicts/
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION • NEWCOMER TOOL KIT • CHAPTER 4 • 12
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