communication

Communication

Communication
GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A COMPLEX
ACTIVITY. IT IS THE GIVING, RECEIVING
AND UNDERSTANDING OF
INFORMATION. POOR COMMUNICATION
STRAINS RELATIONSHIPS AND “WASTES
BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN BUSINESS”. IT IS
WORTH EVERY MINUTE YOU SPEND
DEVELOPING COMMUNICATION
AWARENESS AND SKILLS.

Communication:
Building rapport
Building rapport is the first step toward open communication. Rapport means having common
“ground” with another person or group based on respect, empathy and trust. People who can
easily develop common ground with others have a good level of emotional intelligence. They
make others feel comfortable and accepted, and they are sensitive to non-verbal clues and the
reactions of people they are communicating with. They have developed empathy and make
others feel valued. They are comfortable with themselves and communicating with people from
all walks of life and other cultures and backgrounds. They can put their egos aside and focus on
the other person with genuine interest.
Building rapport is a skill which can be learned and developed along with emotional intelligence.
People enjoy being around people with emotional intelligence because they make them feel
good about themselves, they give them a sense of importance, and they create a safe
comfortable climate. People who are good at building rapport not only look for similarities in
common but also appreciate, value, and celebrate differences in people.

Communication:
How to Build rapport
Be willing to find common ground by “honestly” putting aside your judgments and
biases. This will be reflected in your body language, tone, and style. You must stop
trying to be right, stop judging others, stop instructing, embarrassing, or putting others
down.
Be a good listener including putting the speaker at ease, withholding criticism, and
paraphrasing, clarifying and asking questions. If the time is not right for you to be a
good listener, let the speaker know and arrange for another time.
Pay attention to body language: your and theirs. Arms crossed over the body, little or no
eye contact, shaking the head, taking calls, all say I am not interested in what you are
saying. Conversely, good eye contact, body positioned in an “open” manner, and
nodding in agreement say I am interested.
Be respectful, and use warmth and humor.
If possible relate to the person’s personality and/or learning style.

Communication:
Types of communication
Some people confuse assertive communication with aggressive communication. Here is a breakdown of
communication styles:
Passive – passive communication rarely expresses feelings, opinions, or desires. It is used by people with low self
confidence and low self esteem. They may have difficulty accepting compliments and often compare themselves
unfavorably with others. Sometimes they feel that others take advantage of them and become resentful.
Aggressive – aggressive communication is critical, controlling and often sarcastic and insulting. The aim is not to
be helpful but to make a person feel “less than” the speaker. Aggressive people want to win at any cost, and
blame others for their anger. Their behavior is often the result of their own feelings of low self esteem.
Passive-Aggressive – passive aggressive communication is best explained by example: a passive aggressive
roommate will leave nasty notes or tell others about problems rather than engage in direct problem solving
communication with the offending roommate.
Assertive – assertive communication is direct, with confident body language, and spoken in a clear strong voice.
Assertive people respect themselves and others and take responsibility of their actions. Assertive people are
also respected by others who are self confident.
Assertive communication is expressing yourself in a direct, above-board, and civil manner. Only you have the
responsibility for clarifying your expectations, your needs, and making your own decisions. Strive to
communicate in an assertive manner, it is not always easy, but it is the best method to insure your needs and
expectations are met.

Communication:
Benefits of Assertiveness
1. Assertive people LIVE intentionally. Deep down, we all know what we want. But knowing
what we want is useless if we don't act on it, as it is if we act on it at the expense of others.
Being assertive empowers us to act to achieve our desires without simultaneously destroying
our colleague's dream.
2. Assertive people LOVE intentionally. If you're assertive, or if you start training yourself to be,
you will experience deeper love. You will love more strongly and tenderly...at the same time.
3. Assertive people LEAVE intentionally. Whether it's a dead-end job or an abusive
relationship, the more assertive you are, the less likely you will be the one hanging around to
lock up at night.
Source: Rex Wallace

Communication:
OTHER
CONSIDERATIONS
FOR QUALITY
COMMUNICATION
Gender
Culture
Learning Style
Personality Type
Body Language
Listening Skills
Feedback/Confirmation/Clarification

Communication:
Conflict Resolution & Problem Solving
Some common causes of conflict are miscommunication,
unsatisfied needs, misperceptions, assumptions, differing
expectations, stereotyping, and differing views, opinions, beliefs,
and values. A common response to conflict is avoidance by
ignoring problems, accommodating others against our own
needs, or being defensive. Although confronting conflict can be
difficult or uncomfortable, impeding good communication and
resulting in broken relationships, it can also bring problems to the
surface and when handled well can lead to successful solutions
and stronger relationships.

Have a positive attitude. Know a solution can be found.
It’s not about winning! Make it a learning experience.
Communication:
Problem Solving
Use critical thinking. Determine the cause…see the list
above. Assume NOTHING!
Ask questions. Act on FACTS supported by evidence.
Define the problem so all parties agree what the
problem truly is.
Consider learning styles and personalities.
Tackle one problem or one part of the problem at a
time.
Brainstorm. Be creative. Be respectful. Be fair.
Write all ideas down without debate. Think “Plan B”.

Listen actively and attentively.
This means you make a decision to hear AND
understand…so ask questions if you are unclear
about anything. Give feedback and confirmation of
understanding.
Communication:
Problem Solving
Use assertive communication techniques. Use humor
to lighten tension. Be calm.
Use “I” instead of “you”.
Gain agreement before taking action. Sleep on it.
Contemplate the approach based on personalities.
Allow failure with dignity. Be persistent.

Communication:
Success Working with Different Personalities
Extravert
◦ Be friendly, warm, and talkative…about people more than ideas, things, or data. Express interest in continued working
relationship.
Introvert
◦ Do not confuse quietness with lack of interest. Move slowly, tolerate moments of silence and emphasize ideas, things and
data more than people.
Emotionally Unstable
◦ Be laid back and reassuring, be a good listener. Show concern and interest in the person’s welfare. Minimize deadlines, and
dire consequences. Do not share your problems, anxiety or fears.
Agreeable
◦ Relax and be yourself. Reciprocate with kindness.
Disagreeable
◦ Be patient and tolerant but set limits on how much mistreatment you will tolerate….they may secretly want these limits.
Conscientious
◦ Give this person freedom. Acknowledge their dependability and show them you’re appreciation. Do not take for granted.

Communication:
Success Working with Different Personalities
Unreliable
◦ Keep close tabs on their progress. Follow up on your requests and impose deadlines. Show deep appreciation when they are
reliable.
Open to Experiences
◦ Share information, ideas, and creative approach to problems. Appeal to their intellect by discussing topics of substance
rather than gossip and chatter.
Closed to Experiences
◦ Stick to the facts…deal with the here and now.
Self-Monitor
◦ Be cautious….they may not be what they appear to be. Their natural tendency is to please others ignoring their true feelings
if necessary. They may appear to support you when they do not.
Sensation Type
◦ Emphasize facts, figures and conventional thinking without sacrificing your own values. Focus on details instead of the big
picture.
Intuitive Type
◦ Emphasize feelings, playing with ideas, imagination and creativity. Focus on the big picture not the details.