writing_womans_lives_symposium_paper_book_v2

The perception of the world by the diarist is mainly determined by the medium that she uses – in
this case, writing. As a writer, editor and researcher Anna Kowalska constantly as a point of reference
uses the written word, literature and various kinds of texts: “I experience more fun writing about
something pleasant than living it. I see a »more beautiful« landscape when I describe it afterwards.” 6
(11 V 1936).
Ray Birdwhistell, a researcher of communication, defined context as a place of action, time of
operation, the same action and rules of its meaning – which themselves are also an action.
Therefore, he argued that nobody can create one’s context in isolation, but rather the context is
created in relations. According to Ray Birdwhistell, the individual is not enough, you need at least
two representatives of homo sapiens to create one human being. 7 Thoughts about her relationship
constantly accompanied Anna Kowalska. They determined her actions, behavior and attitudes. Her
everyday life, experience, ordinary activities were inextricably linked with the loving relationship
between the two women.
Before going to sleep, in the intervals of sleep, when I wake up, while washing,
cooking, drinking, cleaning I engage in a conversations with M. I have recently
acknowledged the fact that I stopped being alone, but rather a one‐man (because
sometimes you can be lonely when you are with other person) in associating with myself. 8
(7 VI 1943)
When analysing the described relationship from this point of view, the concept of dialogism as
elaborated by Mikhail Bakhtin may be of use. 9 He stated that every utterance is in a relationship to
other utterances. Participation in a given linguistic community results in utterances that are always a
reaction to someone else's utterances. Quotes are slipping into the others in the form of specific
words or penetrating directly into the context, usually they connect with each other. The utterances
express the relation of the speaker not only to the topic of conversation, but also to other
utterances. In a written utterances we can recognize someone else’s utterance through non‐verbal
or other type of context. The utterance always refers to the utterances of another member of a given
linguistic community, no matter if these utterances have already been spoken or are to be spoken in
the future. From the very beginning, the utterance is constructed with potential responses or
reactions to it in mind.
The act of writing was extremely important for Anna Kowalska. Writing in her diary was a daily
practice interspersed with literature. Sometimes it is difficult to correctly evaluate whether a note is
a record of daily life or expresses thoughts of the diarist or rather is an expression of her creative
work. In 1968, Anna Kowalska recorded: “I remember the afternoon when I experienced feelings of
flying, of falling back, I grabbed a pencil and wrote.” 10 (27 VIII 1968)
Both, the act of writing and basic trust are closely related to creativity, which determines the social
behavior which is considered to be acceptable. Self‐esteem arises from the experience of creativity
as the behavior of routine and creative engagement in relationships with the others. Our
engagement in love relationship is most creative, we feel strongly our own existence through it. I
perceive the diary of Anna Kowalska as a record of an experience of the homoerotic relationship that
the writer had with another female writer, Maria Dąbrowska. This relationship as a context of Anna
Kowalska’s notes becomes the definition of the whole of her existence. Anna's existence was defined
in a diary by the love to Maria.
Keywords: Diary, Literacy, Identity, Lesbian, Relation
Matylda MAŁECKA
University of Warsaw, Poland
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