writing_womans_lives_symposium_paper_book_v2

In 1946, Anna gave birth to a daughter, Maria Wanda, nicknamed “Tula”. In 1948, she became a
widow. From this year she belonged to the Polish PEN Club. In the same year, she received the Prize
of the City of Wrocław, in 1951she was honored with the State Prize of the third degree. In 1954,
after traveling to East Germany and Soviet Union, she moved to Warsaw to live along with her
daughter and her partner, Maria Dąbrowska.
Kowalska served on the Committee of Defenders of Peace, therefore, she participated in the
World Congress of Peace Forces in Finland (1955) and the Special Session of the World Peace Council
in Sweden (1956). Between 1957 and 1960, she published book reviews and prose.
In March 1964, she signed the famous “Letter of thirty four” leading Polish intellectuals to the
Polish Prime Minister, which called for the freedom of culture. In 1965, after the death of Maria
Dąbrowska, she was virtually destitute. In addition, in 1966, Anna started to suffer from breast
cancer, which required frequent in‐hospital treatment. After the settlement of issues related to the
testament of Maria Dąbrowska, she supervised editorial work on the legacy of the writer. Anna
Kowalska died on March 7, 1969 in Warsaw.
The title of my paper, Relations trouble is a conscious reference to the title of the Polish
translation of Judith Butler's classic work Gender Trouble. In my research, I assume, like Butler, that
the identity of the subject is unstable and must be constantly re‐defined 2 . By keeping a diary, Anna
Kowalska uses the performative power of writing and defines herself constantly in relation to each
relationship. Entanglement in relationships is an uncomfortable state, from which she is unable to
break free. The diarist is always embroiled in some relationship: emotional, social, contextual. She
exists always in relation to the others, to the external world, to herself in the future. The liberation
from relationships is not only impossible, but also suicidal, because it is they who ultimately secure of
the existence of the diarist.
The manuscript kept in The Museum of Literature consists of a paper in the form of notebooks or
pads, written with a pen or pencil. It is supplemented by a range of additional materials: bonded
newspaper articles, dried leaves, images (photos, watercolors painted picture and Kowalska's
drawings). As such, Kowalska’s diary can be defined as both a personal archive and the archive of
creative, literary work. Most probably Anna Kowalska provided additional items in the manuscript to
preserve the memory of fleeting sensations and save her “traces”. It reflects her need to document
the current state of mind, which is also an act of memorization. However, Kowalska does not create
“the text of life”. She had no such ambitions. She writes a diary which is to serve as a form of selfanalysis
and self‐therapy rather than an archive of her life. This corresponds with works of Philippe
Lejeune, the expert in autobiographical writing, who stresses out the selectivity of diary as a genre,
its focus on the emotional states of the diarist. 3 Anna Kowalska wrote: “The least that I write is when
most of the things are happening” 4 . When many things happen, Kowalska has no time to write her
impressions down at all or. If she does, she notes only on what is most important, usually the most
painful events. Indeed, usually in her diary vital topics are not mentioned.
Anna Kowalska in her diary confirmed the presence of a very strong emotional attachment
between the two women. The very existence of such a bond contradicts the acceptable social role of
a woman, that of being a wife and mother, but also of a woman as a heterosexual, which is
widespread in our culture. In the booklet, which was later re‐written by a diarist, on May 22, 1943
Anna Kowalska wrote the following:
Night had been erotically half‐satisfactory, but we had a good conversation. M. says
that love of a woman to a woman has no chance of development. Once again, she stated
that she does not love me, but she does care about me. Such moments fill me with
furious hatred. I desire to be freed from the feelings that are somewhat abused,
misdirected. This manifests itself as crying without tears, feeling nauseous in the chest. I
tremble. I freeze completely. My sadness is like a shadow of passing clouds. I feel the
desire to possess, to destroy her. The desire to die. Helplessness. Irritability. Insatiability.
Desire to grow, I feel it in the contraction of the face, I suppose that if I could see in the
mirror then it would be a face of smiling a blissfully‐dead smile. 5
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