writing_womans_lives_symposium_paper_book_v2

In works such as Spaces of the Past‐I (1998, see image 1) a drawing on paper, I created a physical
space with bamboo like sticks, mound and grills which lent a feeling of claustrophobia. The process of
my work involved the use of black charcoal and conte to create monochrome work, which brought
an aura of gloominess and isolation.
Peculiar to this representation was the
absence of my own physical self as a
visual form. Rather the space worked as
a remnant of an experience, making the
body conspicuous through its absence.
This process of recreating ‘the
experiencing of maternal’ was further
explored by using unconventional tools
in art making Fork , knives and paper
cutter were used to make marks onto
the paper (along with brush) which
contributed towards the tactile surface
of the work and also lent it an
emotional quotient 4 . I freely borrowed
forms from different places such as the
gate of my neighbor, the pole on the
Image 1. Spaces of the Past-I, Conté , acrylic & sumi-e ink
on paper, 2000 (Yesterday, Once More Series).
road, the wooden door at the back of truck, the fence of my neighbour’s garden; and brought them
together by juxtaposing them as parts of imaginary spaces of discomfort, through which a recall of
the past was possible. Over a period of time apart from its visual function, this retrieval 5 and its
consistent exploration, allowed me to reassure myself of my own opinion of the experience and also
had a cathartic impact. 6 This reclamation of the past in my works continued almost till the memory
of ‘experiencing maternal’ transitioned to my becoming a mother myself. In a way these works eased
out the conflict within me and the impact of the emotional overload of the specific gendered role
waned post‐catharsis.
Artist –mother –In 2002 with the anticipation of the birth of my daughter, the shift from
‘experiencing maternal’ to ‘being maternal’ redirected my focus as an artist. The relationship which I
had earlier sought between ‘maternal’ and ‘space’ to create imaginary constructions now continued
but in a different light. Seeking no cathartic release from the past, it changed in its nature as well as
representation and very much into the present. As I became the site of maternal embodiment, the
maternal, in anticipation now became celebratory and the spaces became those within my own body
in flesh and blood. The series Transit Spaces depicted the ‘inner landscape’ of the body with the
‘child –in‐transit’ within. As the affect of the maternal changed, so did its expression. I felt my body
become synonymous with nature and as a mother‐to‐be, I started making free associations yet again,
though this time with my natural environment. I now found parallels between birth and biological
growth taking place within myself, with forms from nature such as shoots, sprouts , trees etc. In
other words my works depicted my ongoing biological experiences, through the patterns and
processes of growth in botanical forms. Embryonic forms, foetal imagery and amoebic forms
suggesting mysterious life growing within my body surfaced as conglomerations in my works.The
series started with pencil drawings , leading to works in Chinese ink and water colour on Japanese
rice paper Shikishi as well as acrylic and oil paint on canvas. These works continued through the
different stages such as the anticipation of the birth of my child , pregnancy and post‐natal phase of
care and raising my daughter. 7
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