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OVER COMING<br />
BULIMIA<br />
It’s a struggle I’ve never really<br />
talked about. One that still courses<br />
through my mind every now and<br />
then. Maybe I could do it again...<br />
and no one will know. But everyone<br />
knew before. They just never<br />
said anything. How can you approach<br />
someone about their habit, struggle,<br />
battle, disorder?<br />
But soon my habit became barely<br />
eating at all. Maybe a sugar-free<br />
cookie here and there to curb sweettooth<br />
cravings, or some crackers<br />
because I needed a little something<br />
in my stomach. Mostly, I just drank<br />
gallon after gallon of water. Looking<br />
back, I don’t know how it was<br />
possible to have the energy to run, to<br />
go to college full-time, and to work<br />
three part-time jobs on top of having<br />
a relationship. I think being burnt out<br />
and emotionally lax is much of the<br />
reason my eating habits drastically<br />
changed.<br />
one woman's personal<br />
story of victory<br />
a cookie or a few crackers. Family<br />
get-togethers or other big meals were<br />
followed shortly thereafter by a run—<br />
for two purposes: to burn calories and<br />
to find a desolate place to make myself<br />
sick. “No one knows,”<br />
For about six months when I<br />
was in college, anorexia and bulimia<br />
took over my life and dropping the<br />
weight became an addiction. It all<br />
started with changes to my diet—I had<br />
cut out soda, fast food, snacks and junk<br />
foods and the weight from my then<br />
150-pound, 5-foot-3 body started to melt<br />
off. I started running again after a hiatus<br />
from high school where I was physically<br />
active in marching band, cross country,<br />
track and weight lifting, and was named<br />
“Most Athletic” in the senior superlatives.<br />
Even now, sleep becomes<br />
more important for me than eating...<br />
back then, those 10 or so years ago, if<br />
I had time between classes, I usually<br />
napped instead of eating. Every now<br />
and then I’d “splurge” with a bottle<br />
of brewed tea and a plain bagel (and<br />
it was so good, but I felt a guilt for<br />
giving in and sometimes would get<br />
rid of the “evidence). At that period<br />
in time, I also lacked control over my<br />
life and it seemed everything around<br />
me was falling apart in such a short<br />
period of time.<br />
There were big changes:<br />
College, moving out of the home for<br />
the first time to my own apartment.<br />
My closest brother was deployed to<br />
Iraq, my parents were separating and<br />
would soon divorce, my boyfriend at<br />
the time had moved 800 miles away.<br />
Subconsciously, I wanted control<br />
over something. My habits evolved<br />
into making myself vomit after I ate<br />
I’d tell myself. By then I was running<br />
two or three times a day in between<br />
everything else. Exercise and eating less<br />
was my cover for losing weight — and<br />
I almost forget that I was using weightloss<br />
supplements, too. There was an<br />
excitement that came from fitting into<br />
a size 5, a size 3, a size two dress in the<br />
bridal shop where I worked. Then, a<br />
size 0 pants. But part of me knew that<br />
wouldn’t last since I always struggled<br />
at least somewhat with my weight.<br />
And I wasn’t really any happier being<br />
thinner...It didn’t change anything.<br />
‘ALL I REMEMBER IS<br />
ONE DAY FEELING<br />
SO WEAK, TOO THIN<br />
AND REALIZING THIS<br />
WASN’T THE ATHLETIC<br />
AND STRONG GIRL<br />
I ONCE WAS"<br />
Image of<br />
me when<br />
I was<br />
Bulimic<br />
4
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