Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

Vicky off this time.
“Fuck!” one of the other girls shouted, sounding similarly enraged. “Let’s go!”
Relief washed over me as Vicky turned around and began stomping away. Suddenly she spun
around and at the top of her lungs screamed, “FUCKING BITCH!” and slammed the heavy door so
hard the pictures on the walls shook as if an earthquake had rattled the house.
What had just happened? I thought, adrenaline pumping through my veins. I took a few slow,
deep breaths to calm myself so that I could process the encounter. I was so rattled that I lay in bed
paralyzed by fear, praying that Hef would quickly return.
It felt like hours before Hef finally returned to the bedroom. He relayed the story to me about
how he had caught the girls adding names to the party guest list and how upset he had been at each of
them. For a moment, I felt relief.
Oh my god, I thought. He’s going to kick them out. They’re actually going to be gone.
But when he got to the part where they had gone to get their bunny brands as a sign of loyalty and
how very sorry they all seemed, his eyes started to gleam with pride as a small smile spread across
his face. His voice was shaking in that way that it did whenever he told a story that “touched” him.”
Are you fucking kidding me? I thought. He wasn’t actually falling for this . . . was he?
“You mean, you’re really not going to do anything?” I asked, my raspy voice barely escaping my
mouth.
“What do you mean?” Hef asked, truly befuddled. I could sense he was shocked by my response.
“They are genuinely sorry, Holly. They said they didn’t mean to hurt me and are now more devoted
than ever.”
I didn’t say anything, but it was clear my silence spoke volumes, so he continued.
“They said they’re going to put in a lot more time around here,” he proudly stated. “They even
expressed an interest in coming in and watching movies with us at night. Do you know Dianna
actually loves black-and-white movies?”
I could feel the tears burning my eyes as I tried to hold them back. Of course, I didn’t know
Dianna liked old movies—because she didn’t! All the “Mean Girls” rolled their eyes behind Hef’s
back whenever he made mention of his beloved black-and-white films. Hef and I usually watched
movies alone most weeknights, which for me was a much-needed reprieve from having to be around
all the other girls. Surely the Mean Girls would have made good on their promises to Hef, not only in
order stay in his good graces, but also to drive me crazy with their ever-obnoxious presence. There
was no way I could tolerate any more time around those girls than I already had to.
No, I thought. I won’t. I just couldn’t stay any longer.
“I can’t believe you aren’t going to do anything!” I cried, tears now cascading down my cheeks.
“I can’t stay here anymore! I can’t live in a house with Vicky—someone who is that mean to me!”
Even though we never talked about it, Hef knew the girls were terrible to me. He just chose not
to do anything about it.
“This is my house!” Hef screamed at me, his face red with anger. “How dare you complain to
me! I treat you like a princess!”
More like Rapunzel, I thought. I shifted my gaze downward and refused to react to his tantrum,