Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

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have ever found them. But let that not be the moral of my story. True happiness doesn’t come from simply getting married. I don’t believe a woman’s worth should be measured by whether or not she is married (I’m still surprised how many people still think that way!). Marriage and family are certainly beautiful parts of life, but I believe those things can truly be appreciated only when we find, love, and respect ourselves first. Pasquale didn’t come to me at a time in my life when I needed rescuing most—he came when I didn’t actually need to be rescued at all. And because of that, we developed a true and meaningful partnership. He’s my Prince Charming, but I didn’t need saving. I saved myself. I won’t apologize for the choices I made, because all of them brought me to the wonderful place I am today. But rest assured, my journey is far from over. Just like Alice, Wonderland opened up my eyes and prepared me for my real life’s adventure . . . one that has only just begun. And how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago. —Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
PHOTO SECTION “AND WHAT IS THE USE OF A BOOK,” THOUGHT ALICE, “WITHOUT PICTURES OR CONVERSATION?” —Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Growing up in Alaska. (Personal collection) Age 12, junior high in Oregon. (Personal collection)
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DEDICATION TO MY FA MI LY, WH O I N
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CONTENTS Dedication Epigraph The Pl
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AUTHOR’S NOTE Don’t you miss th
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PROLOGUE “I know who I was when I
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warm water and rested my stoned eye
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CHAPTER 1 “Begin at the beginning
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experience with a tanning bed. I wa
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It wound up being six years—and a
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After a short time in the city, I s
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to these types of events. Working t
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less prestigious “minor pictorial
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Rebel Wilson and her on-screen brot
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would have thought Hugh Hefner pref
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I laughed nervously—unsure of wha
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achieved two goals at once: not onl
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flat-out told him that I had no pla
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“So,” he said, his voice much f
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period” would come to an abrupt e
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“boyfriend,” and like the socia
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your breakfast routine. “Hang out
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my dreams so much easier, but that
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CHAPTER 4 “Now, here, you see, it
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phrase “keep your enemies close
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girlfriend. With my clothing allowa
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myself that no two people are exact
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Playboy—and we had to keep up the
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discuss the idea with Hef. I was un
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stupid and I never forgot how they
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the pool area handing out shiny bea
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CHAPTER 5 Alice thought the whole t
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continued her story on her own. “
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Eventually, I learned more about th
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For a small fortune, Vicky would se
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which luckily proved to be short-li
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house) for the A-list clubs to be b
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maybe if I became famous I would ha
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acquiesced. Wow, I thought. I was f
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fortune. Boy, was I wrong. There ha
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prop pipe (say that three times fas
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During a trip to New York City for
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“Darlin’?” Hef asked, appeari
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so long, this box was my nemesis, a
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the Easter event wearing jeans and
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pictorial on the ‘Painted Ladies,
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Slowly he made his way to his newes
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trademark on GND was something she
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CHAPTER 8 “We’re all mad here.
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subconscious crap to surface, but l
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THE FIRST EPISODE OF The Girls Next
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“People assume that I came here w
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messy room (which was tidied up sub
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date. It is not about any of you.
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ecognized many of the absurdities o
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CHAPTER 9 “It’s rather curious,
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waste a single minute. From Pompeii
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out of a fairy tale. I didn’t kno
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Photo Editor. I was assigned to the
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CHAPTER 10 “I can’t help it,”
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my loyalty to the brand, though. As
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long as I walked my butt down to th
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though she was offered a role in th
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lashed out at the other girls from
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myself. I had tried to rationalize
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the phone. “We’re on a tight sc
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into a thoughtful expression, he sa
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CHAPTER 11 “Why, sometimes I’ve
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large booth, already populated with
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Times Square) Criss was, at that ti
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stunned and seething. How dare he h
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outside it appeared as though my wi
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my bunny tattoo as well. “No one,
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portrayed as, it was important that
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CHAPTER 12 “She’s my prisoner,
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scattered even farther in different
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and . . .” “Ha!” he shouted i
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Page 158 and 159: disappointed to learn that, just an
Page 160 and 161: mansion walls, I was Rapunzel locke
Page 162 and 163: Criss insisted that I be present fo
Page 164 and 165: CHAPTER 13 For, you see, so many ou
Page 166 and 167: 2. Star in a Las Vegas show. 3. App
Page 168 and 169: affirmation I was getting from him
Page 170 and 171: Trashy Lingerie corset. (Of course,
Page 172 and 173: most of my adult life at the mansio
Page 174 and 175: Kristina reiterated that Crystal wa
Page 176 and 177: of my life. To celebrate, I traded
Page 178 and 179: and rereading the text. So many pet
Page 180 and 181: CHAPTER 15 “If I had a world of m
Page 182 and 183: outique and spied the Holly, Bridge
Page 184 and 185: Meanwhile, I was taking Las Vegas b
Page 186 and 187: “We loved Girls Next Door,” her
Page 188 and 189: seasons and GND fading quietly into
Page 190 and 191: Las Vegas for Hope’s Playmate of
Page 192 and 193: Laura. She spent most of her time a
Page 194 and 195: AS SEASON TWO OF Holly’s World wr
Page 196 and 197: Crystal did a crazy interview with
Page 198 and 199: CHAPTER 17 “It’s no use going b
Page 200 and 201: encouraged me to tell her about my
Page 202 and 203: like without the marriage and child
Page 204 and 205: things must come to an end. “RAIN
Page 208 and 209: Age 15, at cheerleading camp. (Pers
Page 210 and 211: Bridget (left) and Kendra (right) b
Page 212 and 213: Behind the scenes of our second cov
Page 214 and 215: Performing in Peepshow. (Denise Tru
Page 216 and 217: Filming Holly’s World in Mexico.
Page 218 and 219: Engaged! (Chris Clinton) Our weddin
Page 220 and 221: ACKNOWLEDGMENTS “There ought to b
Page 222 and 223: CREDITS Cover design by Amanda Kain
Page 224: ABOUT THE PUBLISHER Australia Harpe
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Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

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