Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

things must come to an end.
“RAINBOW,” MARY SMILED. “THAT’S a wonderful name.”
Mary O’Connor and I were sitting on her front porch waiting for one of her girlfriends to pull up
so we could drive to lunch together. She was one of the few people I trusted enough to reveal my
chosen baby name to.
Most people think the name is an outrageous choice, but Mary knew me well enough to
appreciate my whimsy. I’d first heard the name in middle school (a girl in my sister’s class had the
name and I thought it was the prettiest, best name ever). I never had it on my list of my future baby
names, though, until I became pregnant—and when it resurfaced in my mind, it felt like the perfect
name for our child. And while many people think her middle name Aurora was simply after my
favorite Disney princess, it was also a name that is a little more common in Alaska, where I spent
much of my childhood.
I’m so thankful I had that last visit with Mary, because it wasn’t long after that I received a
heartbreaking phone call.
“Mary’s in the hospital,” my old friend Britney told me. “She’s not doing well. Bridget and I are
going to go visit her. Do you want us to tell her something for you?”
As my due date was drawing nearer and nearer, I was on doctor’s orders not to travel and was
stuck in Las Vegas until after my delivery.
“Yes,” I managed quietly. At age 84, Mary had recently undergone cancer treatments, but had
appeared healthy and upbeat the last time I saw her. Hearing that she was now on her deathbed was a
shock. “Please tell her I love and miss her and that I wish I could be there.”
The message wouldn’t be passed on, however. When Britney tried to visit Mary, supposedly
Crystal turned her away, saying Mary didn’t want to see anyone. Strange.
To the best of my knowledge, Hef never visited Mary at the hospital. Probably because he
wasn’t in the best health himself and rarely left the mansion anymore, not because he didn’t care about
her. In fact, Mary was the only person I ever saw Hef be truly candid in front of. Everyone else in his
life, including his relatives and significant others, seemed to be held at arm’s distance, emotionally.
One of the few truly positive things that I took away from the mansion was my friendship with
Mary. Everything else that came from that place was laced with darkness, a hefty price tag, or an
eventual knife in the back. Mary was a no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is gem of a lady. The world needs
more people like her.
ASIDE FROM THE SAD news of Mary’s passing, I was in wonderful spirits during the final weeks of my
pregnancy. I couldn’t be more excited to meet my little girl. Everything was coming together and my
dream of having a family was coming true!
Less than a week before my due date, I received a surprising call from E! The network wanted to
order an hour-long special about our baby’s birth! I jumped at the opportunity! Not only would it be
such a cool thing for Rainbow to see when she got older and a wonderful family journey to document