Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

encouraged me to tell her about my career and plans for the future—apparently this was intended to
inspire Kendra to get off the couch and build her own career, a story arc they hoped to follow
throughout the season.
When I arrived at her house in Calabasas, I was genuinely eager to catch up. We hadn’t seen
each other since filming Hef’s Runaway Bride Lifetime special. She took me on a tour of her home,
barking at Hank to stay out of the shot as we passed him in the hall. I talked at length about my life in
Las Vegas, including my plans for Peepshow, other opportunities I was considering, and wanting to
get out of the shadow of Playboy to continue to do things on my own.
As the conversation wore on, Kendra seemed to be getting more and more annoyed. It was
becoming clear that she didn’t like the idea that she wasn’t the only Girls Next Door graduate to find
success.
We wrapped our scene, hugged good-bye, and I jumped back into my Range Rover for the fivehour
drive back to Las Vegas—after all, I had a show that night!
Before pulling out of the driveway, I shot her a quick text:
Thanks for having me over to your house! It was fun catching up!
She didn’t respond, which was odd. Usually she was pretty quick in responding to my texts or
tweets, but I didn’t give it too much thought beyond that.
A few weeks later, a field producer for the series asked me to place a phone call to Kendra.
They wanted to film her receiving the call from me to set up the idea that I was coming over for the
visit we had filmed. After being rescheduled countless times because Kendra was “not answering her
phone,” “not coming out of her room,” or “not showing up to film,” it became clear what was going
on.
I spent five seasons on a reality show with Kendra—and her habits hadn’t changed much. Instead
of addressing the issue or having a mature conversation with producers, Kendra’s go-to method was
passive-aggressive avoidance.
Oh well, I thought. If she didn’t want the scene on her show, that was her business.
Despite the fact that the producers couldn’t coax Kendra into shooting a phone call with me, they
continued pressing the Peepshow understudy idea. In the beginning, I was told “the network loves the
idea for the premiere” . . . then it became “the network loves the idea for the season finale.”
And each time I said no.
“Besides,” I said the last time we discussed it, “I’m just uncomfortable with it. Something is
wrong with Kendra. She doesn’t answer my texts or tweets anymore—I think she’s pissed at me or
something.”
My concerns were dismissed. “That’s just Kendra. You know how she is—she never gets back
to anybody.”
“Not really,” I said. “Actually, she used to always answer my texts right away. Anyway, the
answer is no. It just doesn’t feel right.”
When they showed me the premier episode of the horribly titled Kendra on Top, it was clear
what she was so irritated about.
As I rattled on to Kendra about my career, they cut to her interview: