Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

CHAPTER 17
“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
—Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
Kendra? Appear in Peepshow? You’re kidding me, right?” I laughed, barely able to believe the
suggestion.
Before now, I’ve never spoken publicly about my falling-out with Kendra. There were people
looking to capitalize on the deterioration of our friendship, and I refused to allow them to benefit from
it. Throwing away a relationship for cheap publicity isn’t cute.
After E! canceled both Kendra and Holly’s World, Kendra’s series was picked up by a smaller
cable network. When production started brainstorming ideas for Kendra’s new show, they called me
and asked me if I would like to participate. Always The Girls Next Door’s biggest fans, the
producers wanted to keep the “team” together in any capacity they could.
“Of course!” I assured them. While there wasn’t necessarily any upside for me to appear on her
show, Bridget, Kendra, and I routinely made cameos on one another’s programs. For us, it was a nobrainer.
That’s simply what friends do. Besides, it was fun.
When I was presented with plotlines to participate in, I was less than thrilled with the options. I
wanted to make sure that my appearance on her series felt organic, but I was beginning to get the
impression that there was a hidden agenda.
Early into our conversations, they latched onto one particular idea that they wouldn’t shake.
They insisted that the network wanted sexy, that they wanted career. And that they needed help with
that because at that point Kendra wasn’t either of those things.
One of them asked me to offer Kendra the role as my Peepshow understudy for a weeklong stint.
Besides being a total rehash of a storyline we had done for Holly’s World with Angel, there was a
whole host of reasons I wasn’t comfortable with that happening. I had worked hard to help make
Peepshow a success and considered it a huge part of my post-Playboy identity. I felt that to show
Kendra performing in Peepshow, on television, even if it were only for one night, would create the
impression that it was just another Playboy-related venture that was handed to any GND alumnus.
Couldn’t I have anything of my own?
They continued to gripe, saying Kendra had no ambition, didn’t do anything but sit on the couch,
and had truly become famous for nothing.
Over the past three and a half years, Peepshow had become my baby. I busted my ass to create a