Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

“DON’T YOU MISS THE maaaaaaansion?” a dreamy-eyed girl asked me during one of my Peepshow
meet-and-greets. I would often get this question and it continued to amaze me how many women were
cast under this Playboy spell. There I was headlining on the Vegas Strip, making millions of dollars a
year all on my own and starring in my own television show . . . and they wondered if I missed living
by an archaic set of rules with a spoiled man old enough to be my grandfather. Were they crazy?!
After hearing this over and over again, I began to realize that what viewers took away from The
Girls Next Door was nothing like what life there was really like.
When it was suggested we film an episode of Holly’s World at the mansion so I could
congratulate Hef on his engagement, I actually jumped at the chance! This was my opportunity to show
viewers that I wasn’t at all “devastated” by Hef’s engagement; in fact, I was happy that he was
moving on and wished him well! Regardless of how I felt about Crystal, I never for a moment wanted
to trade places with her. I thought it was important for people to know that.
It was an eerily quiet day at the mansion when I arrived to film my “congratulations” scene with
Hef. An extra-large dollhouse occupied the great hall—a gift I had commissioned for Hef shortly
before I left. The piece was an exact replica of the home he had grown up in in Chicago in the early
part of the last century.
When Hef arrived to shoot the scene, he spent a lot of time fussing over the dollhouse.
Eventually, Crystal made her way downstairs in a cozy-looking long-sleeved shirt. I congratulated her
as well. She seemed different to me that day: calm and friendly, low-key, as if there wasn’t a negative
bone in her body.
Maybe she’s finally growing into herself, I thought. It was nice to see that side of Crystal.
Perhaps I had judged her too harshly. Maybe they’ll actually be good for each other, after all.
I returned to Vegas that night and went back to finishing season two of Holly’s World. The
second season was even more memorable than the first. The producers found a couple of private
investigators to track down Josh’s birth mother (whom he had never met and knew nothing about).
When Josh and Angel went to Charleston, Josh’s hometown, everyone thought we were at the start of
a long quest to find his real mother. No one actually expected her to turn up right away! The
investigators came through and the episode turned out to be one of the most genuinely surprising and
emotional ones of the series.
I let Angel go as my assistant and gave her the role of my understudy in Peepshow. She also
landed a small role in another Strip production due to an audition that was planned and filmed for the
show. Laura was mostly prompted by producers to hang out with Jayde so that our resident villain
had an excuse to be intertwined into our storylines.
Though the show was better than ever, I found myself growing more and more distant from my
closest friends. With my crazy work schedule, Josh was really the only person from the show that I
regularly saw off camera—and that was only because we were in Peepshow together. It was clear
that if there was a season three, Laura wasn’t necessarily going to get invited back due to her failure
to connect with the audience. I wondered if she would choose to stay in Vegas if that were the case.
Meanwhile, Angel, who was loved on the show, was growing more and more distant from me. I
rarely saw her anymore and she seemed to make a point of hanging out with anyone but me, Josh, or