Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

Anxious to begin this Playboy-free chapter of my life, I was eager to sort out contract
negotiations as quickly as possible and begin filming. However, like a bad dream, my past continued
to haunt me and the contracts we had to sign while at the mansion carried over onto my new spin-off
with E!. It was a lot of baggage to move forward with, but I was in a hurry to get going. And,
conditioned by all those years at the mansion, I still wasn’t strong enough to hold my ground for long.
I had grown a lot in the last year and a half, but I still had a long way to go.
At the start of 2010, cameras began following our wild lives in Sin City as sexy singles looking
to balance our wild Vegas social calendars with performances six nights a week—and like all reality
shows, it wasn’t without its fair share of drama.
I was pressured heavily by production to put my dating life on camera and I stubbornly refused. I
agreed to film a “blind date” episode, but anyone I dated in real life was strictly off-limits at this
point. I was sick of being thought of as “Hugh Hefner’s ex,” and the way I felt like Criss used me for
publicity had left a bad taste in my mouth, so I was determined to stand on my own and not publicize
my love life. If I was even asked about a rumored romance on camera, I denied it. This resulted in
more than one argument between production and me, but I refused to give in.
Over the course of the first season, I bought a house and Angel and her new son Roman moved
in. We traveled to Mexico to shoot a calendar and went on a road trip with Bridget, and Kendra paid
a visit for a baseball episode. The show followed Angel as she got breast implants and Josh as he
went to New York to audition for a new Broadway show. Overall, it was a fun, heartwarming season
and the three of us had a blast. Viewers connected with Josh and Angel—they loved Angel’s and my
chemistry and Josh’s endless energy. Laura was the weakest link of the cast—she was crazy and
funny in real life, but on TV she was ordinary. In my time I’ve seen boring, snotty people come off as
the life of the party on television, too, which just goes to show that “reality” TV isn’t really reality.
Before the show’s June 2010 debut, the cast and I were swept into a photo studio to shoot
promotional photos for the series. Each sequence was more fun than the last: the cast strutting down a
yellow-brick-road version of the Las Vegas Strip; me being shot from above, twirling in a pink dress
atop a large cartoon graphic of the city; and me perched on a larger-than-life disco ball rising from
the city’s skyline. E! was rolling out the red carpet . . . for me! It felt like a dream come true.
Shortly before the show aired, E! flew me to Los Angeles to shoot video promos for the
network. All the network stars were required to shoot: Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic, the
Kardashian sisters, Kendra and Hank, and me.
“Everyone’s really excited about your show, they’re all talking about it,” the makeup artist said,
putting the finishing touches on my Marilyn-inspired look. “You are the only one who is getting to be
in a shot by yourself. You’re so lucky.”
She was right. Everyone else was being shot with their costars or coanchors—and I would be
the only E! personality featured solo, wearing a black version of the Marilyn Monroe Seven Year Itch
windblown gown and elegant opera-length gloves.
“Oh my God! It’s like, so nice to meet you,” squealed a young, skinny brunette as she swept into
my dressing room, seemingly taking stock of the hair, makeup, and wardrobe paraphernalia thrown
everywhere.