Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

most of my adult life at the mansion, being required to clone the other women around me, so the idea
of being “unique” was alien. I had a hard time believing that “unique” was really something anyone
would want to see. I couldn’t even wrap my head around what was unique about me. More and more I
worried I wasn’t right for the part.
After performing the choreography I had learned my audition was done. Though the producers
would assure my manager that I had done great in the audition, I had no idea if they really thought that
or if they were just giving him a polite answer. I wasn’t particularly confident about my chances. As
the month went by, more names were being floated into consideration and it was rumored that Lindsay
Lohan was the front-runner.
I’m screwed, I thought, my confidence quickly deflating. They’ll definitely pick her! Imagine
the publicity they could get!
One of my Peepshow callbacks happened to land on Hef’s birthday weekend, which he
traditionally celebrated at the Palms in Las Vegas. Mary let me know that Bridget, Kendra, and I had
been invited to attend. Naturally, part of me wanted to stay as far away from the man and his party as
possible. But, at the same time, you have to understand that I’d been out of the mansion for only about
six months at this point, and while I was increasingly coming to terms with the hell Hef had put me
through, there was still a part of me that wanted to be able to walk away on “good terms,” with a
clean slate, like all his other ex-girlfriends. I didn’t want anything from Hef . . . except perhaps for
him to stop bad-mouthing me. Plus, I wanted to see Bridget and Kendra. Bridget was planning on
singing “Happy Birthday” at Moon Nightclub for the second half of the festivities that night and I
wanted to support her. Be that as it may, I agreed to attend the soiree only if I could have my own
booth. It was proposed that I join Hef in his booth, but I needed to stand my ground as an individual. I
was sick of the attempts to recruit me back into the harem.
I had heard through the grapevine that Crystal Harris had become Hef’s new main girlfriend. I
was thrilled that he had “fallen in love” again. I hoped her presence on his arm (and the fact that they
had just started filming GND season six) would take some of the pressure off me. The friends of Hef’s
that had previously been so supportive of me had recently become less kind, believing I had somehow
left him in the lurch. Now maybe things would be different. For my part, I was only interested in
moving forward with positivity, despite anything that had happened in the past.
The wind was whipping wildly across the Palms Place pool. Since it was considered a pool
party, I chose to wear a black skull-print bikini and denim skirt, but I may have been better served
with a windbreaker! It was awesome seeing the other girls again. Kendra complimented me on my
new abs and it was great to meet Hank and to see Bridget’s new beau, Nick Carpenter. When Hef
finally arrived at the party, new girlfriends in tow, Bridget, Kendra, and I went to say hello and wish
him a happy birthday. I greeted Karissa and Kristina, who were warm and friendly, and then said
hello to Hef, who looked more pale than usual, but otherwise seemed to be in a relatively good mood.
Next I introduced myself to his new “main girlfriend,” who was occupying the seat to his left.
“Hi, I’m Holly,” I said with a big smile, sticking out my hand. Remembering how people used to
treat me, I made a conscious effort to go out of my way to be kind.
“Hiiiii,” she said in a forced singsong voice, offering me a limp, weak handshake.