Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

affirmation I was getting from him was most likely motivated by the new positive publicity I was
receiving for being a part of the DWTS cast. For my part, I didn’t resent him for how he had treated
me, even though I could have. Instead of wallowing in the past, I chose to happily close that chapter
of my life and be satisfied that we seemed to be on good terms.
“SO YOU SAY, ‘I’M Holly, I was one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends at the Playboy Mansion,’ ” directed
Freddie, a DWTS field producer, from behind the camera.
“Umm,” I stalled. “I don’t really want to say that. Can I say something else?”
“That’s what they have here for you to say,” Freddie said, looking down at his notes. “I mean,
that’s how people know you.”
He didn’t mean it as a jab; there’s no way he could fully appreciate how negative that
association was to me or that I was so eager to separate myself from Hef.
“Can I say, ‘I’m Holly, I starred on the television show The Girls Next Door’?” I meekly and
politely suggested, praying he would take the bait. I was so grateful for the opportunity and—despite
the contract and grueling blisters—I was still slightly terrified the rug could be pulled out from under
me, so I didn’t want to go against even their smallest wish, but I just couldn’t be labeled as Hef’s ex.
Not this time.
Silence.
Obviously this wasn’t my first foray into reality television and I knew the executive producers
had given Freddie the sound bites they wanted to hear. It was his job to make sure we stuck to the
script.
He thought about it a minute longer.
“Why don’t you say, ‘Hi, I’m Holly, I was one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends at the Playboy
Mansion on the show The Girls Next Door,’ ” Freddie suggested, hoping this would satisfy my
concerns.
“I’m not going to say the girlfriend part,” I said through a sheepish smile. I knew I was pushing
the envelope. I didn’t want to be difficult, but I had to finally stand up for my own dignity and selfrespect.
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired of being branded that way. I mean, no one else would introduce
themselves as somebody’s ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, you know?”
“Okay. If you absolutely don’t want to say it,” Freddie conceded with a shrug.
In the end, I introduced myself as “I’m Holly Madison. I’ve been on the cover of Playboy four
times and I starred in a reality series called The Girls Next Door.”
Producers got their Playboy reference and I was able to stand Hef-free for the first time. One
battle down, countless more to go . . .
Being branded as “Hef’s ex” was a label that would continue to haunt me for years, but one I
would always fight against. I refused to let that be the most defining thing in my life.
Besides the one-time introduction and a legitimately funny Playboy-related joke (where fellow
contestant Belinda Carlisle said, “I’m the former Miss August,” then contestant Denise Richards said,
“I was Miss December,” and then they cut to me saying, “I’ve been Miss February, March,