Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

my bunny tattoo as well.
“No one,” he said, pausing for emphasis, “will ever love you as much as I do.” He enunciated
the sentence slowly, as if he were making a grand speech. I had no words. Instead, I gave him a
friendly hug in order to avoid actually speaking to him. I know he was trying to sound romantic, as if
he were pledging his undying love, but to me his comment sounded like a slight. I knew I deserved
better—and there’s no way his kind of love was the best the world had to offer.
Through his vain attempts to intimidate, guilt, persuade, and eventually bribe me, the only thing
he succeeded in doing was to convince me that I was making the best decision I had made in a very
long time.
During those final few months, I began spending more time in Las Vegas. It was a town
brimming with opportunities! I met with the producers of the Crazy Horse Paris, a tasteful cabaret
show at the MGM Grand. We had discussed me doing a guest run before, but now I was ready to
pursue it. Bridget and I were hired to host a Halloween party in Vegas and were brought out early to
shoot flyers for the event. And while my trips were primarily business focused, I was finally single
and free to date whomever I wanted, so I found myself seeing Criss in my spare time.
Though I was cautious to take it slow at first, over time it was clear he really was looking for
something serious and our relationship grew romantic.
When I announced to him that I was leaving Hef and the mansion, Criss opened up his world to
me without even a moment’s hesitation. He pleaded with me to move in with him by Halloween
during one of my trips to Las Vegas.
“No!” I giggled. “That’s too soon!”
I didn’t want to rush into a relationship so fast. Honestly, I didn’t see myself settling down with
him quickly. I had big plans, none of which involved living with a man. I hoped to split my time
between L.A. and Las Vegas in order to balance both my job at Studio West as well as performing
regularly at the MGM. I had hopes of developing my own spin-off TV series chronicling my new life
in Vegas as a single showgirl.
Unfortunately, my need to feel loved would win out over my need for independence.
DURING MY LAST FEW weeks at the mansion, Bridget was back on a break from filming her travel
show. After we discussed the upcoming Halloween party, I had to fill her in on how awkward things
continued to be for me under Hef’s roof.
“Hef came into my room the other day and tried ‘reasoning’ with me,” I told Bridget, sprawling
myself out on her large round bed. “He was trying to talk me out of dating Criss and was like, ‘The
media calls him a douche bag!’ I didn’t know what to say!”
Despite everything, Hef hadn’t quite given up yet. A few weeks after that fateful night in Las
Vegas, photos emerged revealing what appeared to be an intimate evening I spent with Criss Angel in
Las Vegas. I remained at the mansion for about two months total after Hef and I officially broke up, in
order to fulfill my obligations to the TV series. During those eight weeks, as I waited around to see
what sort of final scenes I needed to film for season five, more details began to not so mysteriously