Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

waste a single minute. From Pompeii to the Paris catacombs, Bridget and I were checking things off
our bucket lists left and right! Kendra said she felt like she was finally learning about history for the
first time, in a way that made it feel real. The three of us were up at the crack of dawn, trying to pack
in as many outings as we could before Hef finally rolled out of bed and started his day (usually after
noon). He would join us for a few of the landmarks (mostly for filming purposes), but he was more
interested in doing press and attending parties in his honor than in seeing the sights.
The second season rounded out by celebrating my and Hef’s five-year anniversary. Bridget set
up a dinner party in the living room, transforming it into a replica of one of my favorite restaurants,
The Melting Pot, complete with their signature fondue pots. I couldn’t believe five years had passed
since I moved into the mansion—a half decade of my life had been sucked into the Playboy vortex.
“I think a lot of people would look at being together for five years as a turning point,” I said to
the interview camera, an empty smile on my lips. “But I know it’s not a turning point for us because I
know nothing is going to change in this relationship any time soon.”
When we all gathered around the table for our anniversary dinner (because it could never be just
the two of us), I presented Hef with the sort of sap-filled greeting card he adored. I’d even scribbled
the pet name “Puffin” across the top. As he read it aloud, I burst into tears. Hef put his arm around me
and gave me a kiss on the head. He was positively glowing! Not only was he surrounded by a bevy of
beauties, the cameras were also there to catch this public display of affection.
I tried to play off my outburst as having been touched by the romantic moment (and I think most
people bought it!), but in reality I was crying because of what a farce this whole thing was and how
stretched thin my nerves were at that moment. Hef reading off the flowing words of love from the card
reminded me again what a joke this whole situation was and made me feel like I had missed out on
my chance to ever have anything real with someone; to ever meet a man who really deserved a card
like that. I had sold my soul to the devil and felt that there was no way out.
As the show continued to grow in popularity, we became more and more valuable to both the
network and the brand. We even got to have a tiny bit more say in what kinds of things we filmed.
“DO YOU LIKE IT?” shouted a network exec, referring to the holiday-themed episode we had just seen
a cut of called “There’s Snow Place Like Home.” The mansion was in utter chaos as E! executives,
along with a few hundred other of our nearest and dearest, descended onto the grounds to celebrate
E!’s upcoming season, which consisted of the season three premiere of GND and the premiere of
Ryan Seacrest’s first produced series, Paradise City.
“Yeah, I think it’s really fun,” I replied, with a big smile as the party buzzed on around us.
“People are going to love it!” I had been angling for a Christmas episode since season one, but the
producers had always refused. Holidays were a big part of mansion culture and one of the few breaks
from the otherwise monotonous life there, so we looked forward to these large-scale events.
Historically, seasonal episodes hadn’t performed well in reruns, which the network ran a lot of.
During those years, you couldn’t turn on E! for more than a few hours before bumping into the three of
us, and the execs understandably didn’t want to air a Christmas episode in July.