Down the Rabbit Hole - Holly Madison

date. It is not about any of you.” We were constantly reminded that the show was Hef’s show—our
contributions were irrelevant. We were the decorative icing, not the cake. According to our
boyfriend, he could have splashed any three blondes on screen and found instant success. This
producer’s firm response quickly silenced Kendra into submission.
In the days and weeks following the photo shoot, I routinely stalked Mary O’Connor’s office
looking for the Playboy “brown book” (a mock-up of an upcoming issue for Hef’s approval made
from thick, brown, grocery-bag-like paper). I’m a self-proclaimed super snoop, so I spent hours
lingering around her desk hoping to get a peek of our pictorial. Eventually, my persistence paid off.
As it appeared on the show, we were all oh so naturally sitting in a circle on the floor of
Bridget’s room when Hef came in to present the book to us. In actuality, Bridget and I spotted the
book in Mary’s office one afternoon and quickly flipped through it to get a first look at our feature.
When we finally saw it, we weren’t as thrilled as we could have been. Physically, we looked great.
The photography, lighting, and makeup that Playboy used at the time was so flattering, very little
retouching (if any) was needed. Even back then, most people assumed that the women of Playboy
were mainly a product of Photoshop, but that wasn’t the case with most of the pictorials. Kendra
would eventually request to have her labia Photoshopped out of one of the pictures where her legs
were in the air, but that was about it. Years later, Playboy would auction off that brown book,
complete with Kendra’s crotch circled in Hef’s red pen. So much for not having that out there! But it
wasn’t what we looked like that bothered us, it was which photos were selected.
The large opening shot just so happened to be the picture of Bridget, Kendra, and me in our sexy
cocktail attire with Hef plastered right between us. Remember those brief few clicks he casually
wandered into? Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not so sure men picking up the magazine would be all that
turned on by a septuagenarian man front and center. We quickly realized that none of our individual
looks had been chosen—the one piece of the pictorial that could differentiate us from one another.
The steamiest photo in the feature was a full-page photo of Kendra and me in the bathhouse shower.
Like I said, at the time we didn’t think anything of the extra shots, but looking at it in context was quite
different. This was one of the largest photos in the pictorial, and it was very clearly missing one-third
of our group. Needless to say, Bridget was upset. I’m certain Kendra or I would have felt slighted as
well, but Bridget had dreamed of becoming a Playmate even longer than Kendra or I had, so she took
this quite personally.
On the show, Bridget returned from class already worked up over the shower ordeal. On
camera, she confided to her sister about how upset it made her to be excluded from the day’s final
setup and decided to speak with Hef about it. In the scene, viewers see Hef come to comfort Bridget,
who was sitting on the floor playing with her cat.
This is the exchange audiences hear:
BRIDGET: I know, but that’s what I’m saying; everyone would feel the same way.
HEF: Okay, okay. Absolutely. Let me see what I can do. That isn’t exactly the toughest one
to do; it’s a shower and hair.
BRIDGET: I know, but I just feel like saying something makes me seem ungrateful, and I’m