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…NOT MY WILL, BUT THY WILL…
Reverend Monsignor
Leo A. Leclerc
A Call To Holiness

…NOT MY WILL, BUT THY WILL…
Reverend Monsignor Leo A. Leclerc
A Life of Holiness

Carol Anne Dube
...NOT MY WILL, BUT THY WILL...
Rev. Msgr. Leo A. Leclerc
A Life of Holiness

“Jesus says to the Father, let this cup pass away from me without my
having to drink it.“ And the Father says no to His own son, He says no.
And so Jesus says ok, may Your will be done, not mine.”
Letter to his people on dying, May 11, 2010—Msgr. Leo A. Leclerc

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I wish to extend special thanks to the Leclerc
family for their kindness and patience in allowing
me to fulfill Msgr. Leo’s wishes in seeing that this
story is told.
A heartfelt thank you goes out to the
faithful people who Msgr. Leo’s life touched, and
whose lives touched his. Their contributions of
photos, stories, memories and good wishes were
abundantly helpful in completing this project by
adding personal elements of faith and love to the
narrative of a life so beautifully enriched by his
priesthood.
My personal thank you to my teacher, my student, my
mentor, my friend, for finally giving me the
opportunity to tell a story, that in a world so filled with
uncertainty, desperately needed to be told. I am
humbly grateful for the richness and grace my life has
experienced as a result of our friendship. Your untimely
passing shall forever leave a hole in my heart, that is
now filled with the example of your courage and many
fond memories.
Carol Anne Dube

A
A Message From The Author
On May 8, 2010 as I sat alone at the hospital bedside of the man who was my mentor and dear friend for over two decades,
Msgr. Leo Leclerc, he said five words to me I will never forget. He said: “Put it in a book.” No other explanation was
necessary, for I knew exactly what he meant. As a passionate writer, there was one story I was always eager to tell and that
is the life story of this remarkable man.
Over the years he resisted the idea of writing his memoirs or putting his life in print. But on this day, something had
changed him. He was facing death with the faith, courage and conviction he lived out his whole life, and he now realized it
was God’s plan to tell his story to others. On the evening of May 11, 2010 he called me on the phone from his hospital bed,
and with weakened voice he said, “I know I have been hesitant before about telling my story, but now it is apparent to me
that the whole process of my dying says something and I want you to share it. I love you and I trust my name is safe in
your gifted hands.”
I was overwhelmed by the offering of trust that I was just given by this humble, holy man. Over the next week, as his health
allowed, we spent extensive amounts of time together working through the details of when, and how this project would unfold.
As happened so often in the past when we worked together, we would always differ on the magnitude of the finished
product. My motto was always “go big or go home.” He being more modest and a lot less marketing oriented than I, had a
smaller plan in mind. We found common, holy, ground somewhere in the middle of our ideas and here in your hands is the
result of that compromise.
Two things were important to him and were prerequisites to his giving his blessing to go forward: one, that it would not be
an historical, chronological treatise on the “life of Leo” as he said. Lastly, that it be inclusive in that it be available to all,
and proceeds would benefit Catholic education in whatever area it was sold. He wanted this to be more of a focus on priesthood,
vocations and the fulfillment of our baptismal call to holiness, rather than his own life. This could be accomplished
and illustrated by the many stories and testimonies told on the memorial websites, created for him as he lay ill.
So my friends, guided by prayerful conversations with God, inspired by the spirit of Leo, and taken from my own personal
experience of him, here is the story of one of God’s most faithful servants; one who loved all and was loved by all, ordained a
priest to bring God to people and people to God.
I pray that my words and pictures have done justice to your memories of the man who was the “face and hands of Christ”
here on earth.
Carol Anne Dube

Forward

Chapter 1
I
t was an unseasonably warm late April evening when the phone rang, immediately filling me
with joy as I answered it, hearing the voice of my mentor and friend Leo, a Monsignor in the Catholic
Church. He was having some throat trouble as of late so it was not his usual calming voice I detected,
but instead a raspy, breathy sound which emanated. “Hey Teach, got a second?” This was our
private joke we always went through when he needed computer help. I had been teaching him
computers for the better part of our twenty year friendship which earned me the honored title of
Teacher while he, the apt pupil, I fondly began to call Grasshopper. As I so often had responded in
the past, I laughed and said “… Grasshopper for you a lifetime.”
“Can I read you something?,” he said with weakened voice. I said “Sure,” rather intrigued, because
even though we shared a common love of books, Leo was fairly predictable in our phone conversations
and this request was a first.
He whispered: “It’s from ‘The Journey Home’.” Now my interest was even more heightened, as this
was the book I wrote chronicling my experiences as caretaker in the final days of my mother’s illness,
until her eventual death, just seven months before. I had given Leo a personal signed copy of it in
thanks for his unwavering and comforting presence to me and my family during a very difficult time.
His hoarse voice began to speak all too familiar words:
“I have grown in faith. I have embraced trust and surrender in a whole new way. This is not a ‘school’ I
recommend for anyone. But on the other hand – if I were to choose a process of dying for someone I love as much
as Mom again, this would definitely be it. This is the mystery of death I have come to understand: this is the
mystery of grace; how one person’s death can be a catalyst for many other miracles. The chain reaction is more
like a trail of dominoes that creates joy as you watch it unfold.”
A brief silence ensued, eventually broken only by his one word, “Wow.” I thought I detected a quiver
in his voice as he continued: “Teach, I don’t know what to say but thank you. I just called to tell you I
needed to hear that and it comforts me.” Even more puzzled than before, I simply uttered, “Your
welcome,” and we said our goodbyes and hung up.

The haunting tone of this phone call kept me awake all night. In retrospect, it was as if the ringing
had tolled sounds of imminent sorrow and his words were continuing the mysterious tale by offering
me some message I had yet to comprehend. It wasn’t long before I would come to understand
firsthand, the meaning of prophesy.
The second call which came just a few days later, held a more serious tone when he said, “Carol, I’m
sorry but I have some bad news and I don’t know how to say this but to come right out and say it: the
cancer is back and it’s not looking good.”
His words set in motion the stacking of that trail of dominoes, waiting for the miracles which would
eventually unfold in a way no one could have ever predicted. God had begun to orchestrate the
process and it would take weeks for the entire path to come into full view. What I feared most was
the one event that would set them falling, in order for that to happen.

Chapter 2
T
he challenge of privacy for well loved public figures is a daunting one and certainly Leo’s life fell into that
category. Since his death was inevitable as a result of a terminal diagnosis, he needed time to process it. He
needed to be with his biological family, yet not remain too distant from the spiritual family which had grown
to be such a big part of his life and his nearly forty nine years of Catholic priesthood. He needed sacred space
to wrestle with God over his own mortality, yet he still needed the comfort of friends and family in the
process, whose stories and memories would help him to reaffirm his vocation. The problem was: how can he
have both? This was the dilemma he had shared with me by phone.
Knowing what was ahead, I had already begun to draft and idea for a website to honor his life and allow the
many people who knew him to come and share their sorrow, their prayers and their memories and find
healing. Playing on his lifelong affinity for frogs, the “Lily Pad of Prayer” was born. My next challenge
would be to convince this very private man to put his dying days on display.
I was scheduled to visit him in the hospital the next day. So with paper drafts in hand I had prepared myself
to tenderly broach the subject. My fears were allayed when he brought the predicament back up again on his
own. “ My family and I need the privacy but I need to be connected to my Church family Carol, any ideas?” I
said, ”Well as a matter of fact I do have one.” I sat on the bed next to him and shared the plan for the website,
treading lightly and gauging his reactions as we went along. Having completed my pitch, I was not surprised
by the silence that would follow. Through our many years of personal interactions I recognized the
look which signaled his careful consideration of the topic at hand before responding. “How can I be sure I
am reaching all the people that I have ministered to, like Notre Dame, Pittsfield for example? It’s important
that all people are included not just St. Rose and not just people with computers. I don't want to leave anyone
out.“ Notre Dame was Leo’s first assignment, his first love as he fondly called it, and St. Rose, nearly sixty
miles away, was the parish where he and I met, his last assignment, his last love. I thought for a moment and
uttered the words I had carefully prepared, “you can draft messages to them directly as your health allows
and I will post them on the website and e-mail copies to the parishes for inclusion into the bulletins for people
without computer access. This will be one place where they can get accurate information that they know
is coming only from you. I have already contacted all the pastors, they are standing by to help in any way

they can. ” The second silence was one I was not prepared for as his emotions surfaced and the nod of
approval came.
Leo had just agreed to open the doors to his very private world of dying and I was to be his messenger.
Once again, in less than seven months, I was going to help someone I love, disappear before my
eyes. Yes, I had embraced trust and surrender in a whole new way as a result of my mother’s passing,
but God was once again going to test, just how much.
Msgr. Leo in prayer, St. Rose de Lima Chapel

Chapter 3
A fter a bit of back and forth with Leo on wording, “The Lily Pad of Prayer” was launched with
my inaugural message as webmaster: “Our much beloved Pastor Emeritus, Msgr. Leo Leclerc is facing serious
illness and in need of our prayers. For the many years, and for the many ways, he has supported and loved
us, we want to return that support and love one hundred fold. This site is designed to share your prayers, your
memories and your love. It will allow the family to print and share these thoughts with Fr. Leo as he is able to
receive them. We love you Fr. Leo! Tout es grace!”
“Tout es grace,( grace is everywhere)” had become a favorite phrase of Leo’s taken from the line of

George Bernanos’ “Diary of A Country Priest.” He and I had decided on this theme for his mass of
farewell upon his retirement in 2005. It later had become a joke with us, after we realized we incorrectly
remembered this to be the last line of the book. It was shortly after his announcement of the
terminal diagnosis that we shared the irony of the actual last line: “Je crois qu’il est mort presque aussitôt,”
which translates: “ and he died just then.” It didn’t seem so funny now.
The Prayer Pad begins with
my opening words. The
family offers their approval
by logging in next and sharing
their gratitude.
The main page of the “Lily Pad of Prayer”

A Baptismal Call
To Holiness
A Brother Priest, Lily Pad of Prayer
May 2010

My Story
I have called you by name and you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1
O
ne of my earliest memories is of my First Communion Day.
I remember going up the church steps praying, “Lord help me to
be a priest.” I remember “playing Mass” with my brothers and
sisters and wanting to help people.
It is not surprising therefore that the priesthood to me
was always linked to the Eucharist and to the people I
served. In my nearly 44 years of priestly ministry, the
Eucharist was my anchor, my lifeline. I tried to be in
intimate contact with the body of Christ, as it came
to me on the altar, as it showed itself in the parish
office or in the nursing home.
Though I certainly did not succeed all the time, my
desire to help people was fulfilled in so many ways,
even when I could do little else but offer the
experience of my own woundedness.
It has been a great life! When I first uttered that simple
prayer, “God help me to be a priest,” I could never have
imagined the abundant ways that I would be graced by God
and by God’s people.
First Communion Day, 1941
Msgr. Leo Leclerc, V.G.
Diocese of Springfield MA, Vocations Interview, 1995

And those he predestined he also called; those he called he also justified;
those he justified he also glorified.
I
Romans 8:30
This is where I will begin to speak about vocations in general.
The call to holiness, the discernment process et. This page will follow “leo’s
first call.”

You are a priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek
Hebrews 5:6
Ordination, first mass photo here
Ordained a Priest to
“Bring God to People, and People to God.”

In the Beginning...
Notre Dame Du Bon Conseil, Pittsfield, MA
My “First Love”

Newman Center, University of Massachusetts
In The Beginning...

The day you were
called to break bread for a
living was the day you were
called to be broken...
The days you spend bending over bread are spent bent around
mystery of fraction.
If you are indeed broken, you need to
gather up each other’s fragments
gently, and remember how again,

Believe what you read…

……......Teach what you believe…
Fr. Leo chats with a St. Joan of Arc School Kindergartener

...and practice what you teach.

Laughter…...
“Are You The Father?”
The funniest story in my family about Fr. Leo is when I lived in Chicopee & went into labor for my son, Scott. My husband had left
for CT so I called Aunt Alvine. She came right over to keep my daughter, Tammy. She called Fr. Leo who was saying 7 am Mass. He
comes right over & speeds (sorry Fr. but you never did go slow!...) to Providence Hospital. "runs" 2 red lights, gets me there, the
Nun comes out with the wheel chair, he is getting something out of the car and she hollers "Are you the Father?" " Yes", he answers
(he was really nervous at the time!) and he turns around, he has his "collar" on and that poor Nun almost faints!! ~ Cousin Sue
“That Guy….”
Dear Fr. Leo: Cheryl and I are praying for. You have made such a difference in our lives and have been a large part our development
as a Catholic married couple. All of our children are praying for you as well. I know how much you enjoyed speaking during
your homilies about the cute things children say so I thought ...I would share one with you. Last night our 4 year old daughter
Rachel was saying her prayers before she went to bed and said "God please help that guy at church". That guy is you so I hope you
felt a moment of peace when she whispered those words. We all love you very much. ~ Bob & Cheryl W.

Laughter…...

The Final Chapter
May 11, 2010
Hello everyone, I can’t tell you how pleased I am to be able to stay in
touch with you, entering the last days of my life.
much that they can do anymore.
I believe without a doubt, I believe that God can heal me
with the help of doctors and nurses. But I also believe that God can
heal me without their help. They have now told me that there is not
So it seems as if, this is the beginning of my last conversation with all of you and I am so touched to be able to read your
messages. I can’t tell you how you’ve pleased me.
One of my favorite pictures of Jesus in the bible is the image of Jesus in the garden of olives. Where Jesus says to the
Father, “Let this cup pass away from me without my having to drink it. “ And the Father says no to His own son, He says no.
And so Jesus says ok, may Your will be done, not mine.
That’s what I want now. I want God’s will to be done not mine. And whatever good may come from all your prayers, I
offer those prayers up to God. I offer them up for you.
Use those prayers, they certainly come from a loving God.
I’ll be in touch with you regularly, hopefully once a week and we’ll go from there. I look forward to greeting you and I
thank you very, very much.
God Bless You,
Fr. Leo Leclerc

The Final Chapter
Sunday May 16, 2010
Hello Everyone,
It’s early evening and night is closing in.
I’d like to thank you again for reaching out to me these past days with
your cards, letters, emails, and online postings to the website .
You can be assured I am getting these messages daily. Please know that I love you all and I would like for you all to keep in
mind that in the Christian story, everything ends all right and if it is does not end all right then it is truly not the end.
Fr. Leo

The Final Chapter
Monday, May 17, 2010
The Reverend Msgr. Leo Leclerc recently received a letter from one of his caregivers.
This letter along with the daily show of affection by the hospital staff has served as
an inspiration for him to address the entire Mercy Hospital organization. He considers
them an outstanding group that has been committed to providing physical and spiritual
healing for him and the residents of Western Massachusetts for years.
“Monsignor Leo,
It has been such a pleasure to care for you, I could not have asked for a better patient. I must say that I will miss you dearly when you
leave us here at Mercy. You have truly touched my heart and made a difference in my life. Please know that I will be thinking of you always and
you will forever have a place in my heart. May God continue to bless you; may you find eternal peace and happiness.”
Respectfully,
Your nurse, Ashlee
The following is the Rev. Msgr. Leo’s response regarding his stay and care received at Mercy Hospital.“I wake in the
morning, it is usually 5:30am. The nurses, personal care technicians and staff come in to wash me and comb my hair. Their tender
voices and touch make me feel much better. They have changed my clothes and changed my dressings as I have experienced some
paralysis. I’ve been in this hospital bed for 11 days, unable to move my lower limbs and yet I feel well and I’m glad to wake each
morning and rejoin the human race. And why is that? That is because of the quality of human care I have received here at Mercy
Hospital in Springfield, Massachusetts. The entire “Mercy Corp” has pleasantly whispered words of encouragement and faith into

The Final Chapter
Monday, May 17, 2010
(continued)
pleasantly whispered words of encouragement and faith into my ears as I wake and they
see to my complete comfort throughout the day and night. The doctors have changed
some of my medications, and that has made me even more comfortable. The staff at Mercy
is truly dedicated to the elimination of human pain and suffering, they have eliminated it
in me. Like God, they have brought joy to my early morning and give me the strength to
carry on with the endeavors of the day ahead. Mercy Hospital, you are many names, and you are tops in my book. I ask all of my
friends to join me in thanking the many people at Mercy and to remember to thank those for which you are grateful for in your
daily lives.
I love you,
Fr. Leo

The Final Chapter
Sunday, May 23 2010
This is the page that appeared on the memorial website, just hours after the death of Msgr. Leo. He offered his approval and contributed
to its design, while in his hospital bed, a week before.

This is the authorized story of Reverend
Monsignor Leo A. Leclerc a Roman
Catholic priest in the Diocese of Springfield
Massachusetts. On the day of his priestly
ordination in 1961, he heard these words
“...practice what you teach.” After forty eight
years of priesthood, God invites him to
embrace them in a very personal way:
through a terminal cancer diagnosis. What
followed was an outpouring of testimonies,
unraveling the extraordinary account of one
man’s answer to a call to holiness.