NOW

In my mind, I had fashioned a chess board. Every piece
was a decision, and when moved, affected another piece. The
board of life was black and white — wrong or right. Once I made
my decision, once I took my hand off a piece, it was final.
I was sure about coming to Mount Vernon Nazarene
University. I was extra sure
about registering as an English
major. I felt it was a right
“move” on my board. I felt like
Carley Phillips, '15 these were the correct spaces
English
for me. I weighed every move
in my head.
As a graduate holding
my hot-off-the-presses bachelor’s degree, I want to make the
“right” decisions. I want to cut to the chase. I want to get it all
right on the first try. And I’m afraid — afraid that I’m leaving the
best years of my life too early, afraid that I am not prepared, afraid
that my newfound knowledge and skills won’t be put to good use.
I’m terrified that I’ll make the wrong move.
I thought I could figure out the rest of my life. I thought I
could out-maneuver God, as if he was my chess opponent.
Luckily, I have an amazing dad to show me that changing
career directions is not “wrong.” He’s completely changed careers
several times and has three very different degrees — and he’s
currently working on his fourth.
I’ve seen how these extremely different career changes and
decisions built upon the last so well my whole life, and I never
once saw my dad as a failure. In light of his example, I think I
can make a move without obsessing on how it will make or break
my whole life.
Fortunately, life isn’t a chess game. Unfortunately, that
means there is less certainty as to what my next move is. Right
now, my first step is to rest. My next steps will be to look to
what comes next — immediately next. And maybe practice not
worrying. That sounds like a good goal.
This post-grad uncertainty is an opportunity, not a trap.
My life is lovingly guided by God.
Checkmate. The exhausting mental game of chess is over.