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14 • THE <strong>Reader</strong><br />
<strong>March</strong> <strong>2016</strong><br />
m r. Sa n ta C l a r i ta Va l l e y<br />
Polish lives matter<br />
by John Boston<br />
<strong>Reader</strong> Columnist<br />
Recently, I spotted a headline most vile<br />
and potentially racist in a local media<br />
outlet. I won’t name names. But this<br />
certain anonymous news organization is also<br />
famous for their two-song music library: the<br />
stirring “Horse With No Name” by the band,<br />
America, and anything by the Carpenters.<br />
This anonymous <strong>SCV</strong> AM hometown radio<br />
station — OH NERTZ!! I DIDN’T MEAN TO<br />
TYPE THAT!!<br />
Oh well.<br />
I hate rewrites more than revealing a<br />
source. I suppose no one is going to die if I<br />
name names. The culprit, normally the champion<br />
of both eye-wateringly bad music and<br />
holder of this valley’s heart, penned this<br />
racist story on their website recently:<br />
VEHICLE STRIKES POLE IN SANTA CLARITA,<br />
POLE FALLS ON SECOND VEHICLE.<br />
Being Polish, this just peeves me to no end.<br />
Well. Actually, I’m half-Polish. I’d like to tell<br />
you which side — front, back, top or bottom<br />
— where I’m Polish. Sadly and recently, I underwent<br />
a procedure where I was gerrymandered<br />
and I can no longer point to the body<br />
parts that are actual, pure Polska. Still. In the<br />
politically correct climes, I must ask: How<br />
often does this systemic violence occur with<br />
Polish people as the victim?<br />
Sitting at my computer, I clicked on the offending<br />
KHTS screamer. I’ve been in journalism<br />
many weeks now and I’ve never seen a<br />
headline this long before. Well. One that long<br />
without using German words. The hed, read:<br />
A VEHICLE REPORTEDLY HIT A POLE<br />
WEDNESDAY AT SIERRA HIGHWAY<br />
AND GOLDEN VALLEY ROAD IN<br />
SANTA CLARITA, CAUSING THE POLE<br />
TO FALL ON ANOTHER VEHICLE,<br />
AUTHORITES SAID.<br />
Boy howdy. You need a smoke after reading<br />
that aloud. I don’t know if KHTS was using<br />
the Internet as some sort of strange, millennial<br />
performance art. But when you clicked<br />
on the headline, the entire story seemed<br />
eerily similar to the headline:<br />
A vehicle reportedly hit a pole<br />
Wednesday at Sierra Highway<br />
and Golden Valley Road in<br />
Santa Clarita, causing the pole<br />
to fall on another vehicle,<br />
authorities said.<br />
Did local radio station KhTS recently underplay a<br />
possible hate crime when it reported a “Vehicle<br />
Struck a Pole?” haunting and disturbing photo courtesy<br />
of KhTS.<br />
Maybe there was a stutterer working the<br />
KHTS copy desk that night.<br />
But, excuse me and throw in a stern,<br />
“ahem” to hide my outrage — “hit a pole?”<br />
“pole?”<br />
Lower-case?<br />
Was it KHTS’ desire to demean all the Polish<br />
people in the <strong>SCV</strong> (names and cell phone<br />
numbers of wonton divorced Polish sisters<br />
available on request)?<br />
This riparian Santa Clarita Valley was built<br />
almost entirely on the labor, sweat, inspiration<br />
and vision of Polish people. Henry Clay<br />
Needhamski, Newhall’s three-time failed Prohibition<br />
Party presidential candidate in the<br />
1920s? Polish. Newhall town founder Henry<br />
Mayo Newhallowitz? Polish. Current <strong>SCV</strong><br />
Sheriff’s Captain, Roosevelt Johnsonowski?<br />
Polish. Our local hospital foundation president,<br />
Marlee Laufferk? Polish.<br />
Do you realize the maelstrom that would<br />
incinerate the planet if KHTS conveniently<br />
forgot to capitalize “korean” or “hispanic”?<br />
When did the good people whose roots can<br />
be traced, via crayon, to Poland, deserve to<br />
not have their first letter capitalized?<br />
I also take KHTS to task for their terrible<br />
and shallow reporting. Was the Pole hurt<br />
after the vehicle hit him or her? (Probably<br />
not. We are a resilient people.) Was the driver<br />
of the Pole-striking vehicle arrested, or, at<br />
least shot? What was the motive behind the<br />
vehicle hitting the Pole? Was this a hate<br />
crime? Could the vehicle have been driven by<br />
Poland’s arch-enemies for centuries, the<br />
Samoans, who really have no business having<br />
their name capitalized and have been obsessed<br />
with expanding their unreasonable<br />
boundaries from Polynesia to the Polish<br />
steppes?<br />
This is also part of a pattern of aggressive<br />
racism on the radio station’s part. How many<br />
of us Santa Claritaninskis have been called, at<br />
all hours of the night, by KHTS? When you answer<br />
the phone, the mysterious caller with<br />
the threatening voice comes right out and<br />
confesses: “We’re taking a Pole...”<br />
Well let me tell you something KHTS.<br />
Should the <strong>SCV</strong>’s population of Polish people picket<br />
KhTS for its stance on striking Poles?<br />
Saddle Up<br />
continued from page 9<br />
said, “We had a 21-year template that<br />
changed very quickly. I’m so proud of the<br />
staff, who turned what could have been a<br />
negative into a positive.”<br />
“I think people get into the pastoral setting<br />
of Hart Park and enjoy the ticketed theater<br />
seating,” Fleming said. “I think it was already<br />
a good transition, and we are still going.<br />
That’s the best part.”<br />
Fleming said that about 8,000 people are<br />
expected to attend the festival over the two<br />
days. “All the hotels are full. I would have to<br />
say it’s beneficial for the city. I think it’s our<br />
largest regional and national event by far.<br />
People from all over the U.S. come to it. So<br />
come on out. Plan on spending a day or two<br />
enjoying some western culture that you can’t<br />
get anywhere else.” R<br />
For more information visit the event website<br />
at http://www.cowboyfestival.org/.<br />
Not… On my … Watch.<br />
Clearly, we must organize a boycott of the<br />
radio station’s Main Street headquarters. I<br />
call upon students from CalArts (founded by<br />
a local, Walt Disneykowskiowiczskiski), who<br />
have remained dormant protesting anything<br />
for decades, to rise up. Protest, you passionate<br />
students, in front of KHTS. We shall have<br />
our Occupy Wall Street moment and camp<br />
out on the sidewalks of Downtown Newhall<br />
to raise awareness of the secret plight of<br />
KHTS victimization of Polish people everywhere.<br />
(I think it would be ducky to commandeer<br />
the plucky CalArts modern dance<br />
department to perform, in slow motion,<br />
dancers wearing cardboard-box car costumes<br />
bumping into locals wearing traditional<br />
Polish folk costumes.) Issue bumper<br />
stickers: I BRAKE FOR POLLACKS. Play polka<br />
music in front of the station. Stop, what little<br />
of it there is, capitalism on Main Street!<br />
Schedule<br />
continued from page 9<br />
history performers. You can stroll through<br />
Hart Park and treat yourself to traditional<br />
cowboy food, and you can watch blacksmiths<br />
at work, meet Buffalo Soldiers or<br />
even take a free tour of the Hart Mansion,<br />
home of early western film star William S.<br />
Hart.<br />
Free Performances<br />
The acts below will be performing free<br />
shows on four stages at Hart Park at various<br />
times on Saturday and Sunday.<br />
The Vivants<br />
Carolyn Sills Combo<br />
Old Salt Union<br />
California Band of the Battalion<br />
Wild Horse Singers and Dancers<br />
Joey Dillon (gun slinger)<br />
Sourdough Slim<br />
Syd Masters & The Swing Riders<br />
Carin Mari<br />
Buckaroo Girl Adrian<br />
Mikki Daniel<br />
The Devil’s Box String Band<br />
Ventucky String Band<br />
Shuttle Service<br />
The Cowboy Festival free parking lot is located<br />
off 13th Street, just east of Railroad<br />
Avenue in Newhall. Free shuttles will take<br />
you to and from the festival site. On Friday,<br />
April 22 these shuttles run from 5:30 p.m.<br />
to 11:30 p.m. Saturday, April 23 they run<br />
from 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. and on Sunday,<br />
April 24 from 9:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. R<br />
Furthermore, I feel KHTS’ owners, Carl<br />
Goldman and Jeri Seratti-Goldman<br />
(Samoans?) owe this valley and its large Polish<br />
population an explanation. And, an apology.<br />
And, maybe 20 bucks and a large, steaming<br />
hot plate of Golumpkis (lightly boiled cabbage<br />
leaves wrapped around minced pork<br />
and beef) as reparations.<br />
All of you, please.<br />
Join me.<br />
At the very least, the next time you pass<br />
Carl and Jeri on the street, lower your head<br />
and raise a fist in solidarity…<br />
“Złość na radio!”<br />
Or, in Polish — “Rage Against the Radio!” R<br />
Author and humorist John Boston has<br />
earned more than 100 major awards, writing<br />
about the Santa Clarita Valley. For more of his<br />
work, visit thejohnbostonchronicles.com.