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“In Tamil culture virginity is considered something higher than any other virtue<br />
in life until a girl is married. That is drilled from an early age. It is so important<br />
that if lost, suicide is considered as a solution. She feels she is a bad woman<br />
and unworthy and no male would want to marry her. In our culture the<br />
proposed in-laws demand that the brides to their sons are virgins. They will<br />
inquire and if the girl says she is not a virgin then the family will not allow the<br />
marriage. It matters not whether she lost her virginity willingly or was raped. If<br />
she is raped after marriage, as so often happened in the war by the security<br />
forces, in most cases she will be rejected by society, including in-laws,<br />
husbands, neighbours and in many cases their own families. Even if a girl is<br />
called into the local police for interrogation the community will assume that<br />
she was [sexually abused], even if she was not, and she will be shunned. Even<br />
the family of such a girl will be stigmatised. The victim is abandoned by those<br />
whose support she most needs at the worst time of her life, hence the reason<br />
not just for so many suicides attempts but actual suicides.”<br />
(Witness 111)<br />
Having said this, thankfully there are many honourable loving Tamil men who<br />
have not shunned their wives because of their misfortune in being victims of<br />
sexual violence. This witness described her faith in her husband, though there is<br />
much about what happened to her she cannot bring herself to tell anyone:<br />
“I was confident that if I told him he would understand and continue to love<br />
me. There are a lot more details of the sexual abuse of me, and other incidents<br />
that I could tell the investigator about but I do not feel strong enough now.<br />
Perhaps someday in the future I will have the strength to do so. I have now told<br />
my husband of all these things and he still loves and accepts me.”<br />
(Witness 110)<br />
In addition there are many Tamil men in exile who have married women whom<br />
they know have been raped and had children together, defying the social<br />
stigma prevalent in Tamil culture and brutality of the perpetrators.<br />
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