and from the inside in

“The sexually immoral will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur,” she repeats.
I close my eyes and see swirly patterns underneath the reds of my eyelids. I wait for the light-headedness to pass and
take a deep breath in, filling my stomach with oxygen until it bulges out like a pregnant woman’s. I clear my mind and
the sun drinks in my shadow, warming my insides. I stretch my arms out and lean as far back as my spine allows.
“Bit early for yoga isn’t it, Charlie?”
I jump, startled by the interruption and ping open my eyes. I’m temporarily blinded by the sun and spin around to see
Ali standing behind me in nothing but a tan and boxer shorts. I blush despite myself.
Ali was an ‘entrepreneur’ when we met and worked between Dubai, England and Germany. He’d tried to explain his
business to me but I’d got lost in his words of mergers, acquisitions and restructuring. I’d studied Literature at a small
unknown college and commercial talk was alien to me. Ali had been staying in the area for work and that was how our
paths crossed. I’d seen him a few times in the café next door to my college and caught him staring at me. I recalled
feeling a small-redness creep up my neck and subsequently pollute my cheeks. In an attempt to avoid his gaze, I’d
keep my nose buried in Austen’s Mansfield Park, a novel which reinforced decorum and strict social rules. No doubt
Austen would agree that staring was just plain rude. He’d approached me and sat down at my table before I had a
chance to object. He was nine years older than I, which meant nine years more experienced.
“Just stretching. I don’t think I’ve adjusted to this place yet.”
He nods and I wrap my arms around myself.
“A man can divorce a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her,
Deuteronomy 24:1,” mother says. “When he finds the Lord’s way, he will leave you. You are living in sin. You must repent.”
I force my eyes shut.
“To be expected, Charlie. You’ve only been here two months,” he says, stepping forward and pulling me into a hug.
Two months? That’s half the length of our entire relationship.
“‘Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one’, Matthew 6:13,” my mother says.
Sweet Jesus! I travelled to the other side of the world to get away from her! To run away to a man who adores me, who
gives me whatever I want, whenever I want it. But my mother’s voice still outshines his and it follows me everywhere.
Every moment is haunted.
“What’s wrong?” Ali asks. His forehead wrinkling in concern. “Is it the old battle-axe again?”
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