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STEP 1
Every relationship experiences its share of problems. But when things get so bad that you
wonder if the relationship is worth saving, that’s the time to step back and take a careful
look. One of the worst things either partner in a relationship can do is to make an emotional
decision before considering all the practical issues. As impossible as it may seem
when things begin to go wrong, there are steps you can take to save a dying relationship.
John Gottman, who conducts research on marriage and family dynamics, suggests that
often it’s emotional distance, and not conflict, that causes problems in a relationship.
HOW TO
Identify the problem. You can’t fix your
relationship until you know for certain
what is broken. Once you know what
went wrong, you can work on repai
ring the damage. Amy Botwinick,
author of “Congratulations on
Your Divorce: The Road To Fin
ding Your Happily Ever After,”
points out that you need to be
realistic and honest when eva
luating your relationship, esp
ecially if you are considering
divorce. Divorce might not ne
cessarily be the best option,
however Botwinick emphasiz
es that when individuals expe
rience serious problems in a re
lationship, it’s time to give car
eful thought to what it will really
take to make it work.
STEP 2
STEP 3
FIX A
Place things in perspective. Couples frequently
have to give each other space for a
while to sort things out. Having a little time
on your own to think gives you the opportunity
to calm down. Afterward, you might be
less likely to make rash decisions.
Assume responsibility for your actions, and
avoid blaming the other person. Partners
never should have to defend themselves, since
sincerity can have more of an impact on the
other person than arguing. If you want your
relationship to survive, it takes two to commit
to making it work. When couples show
empathy for each other’s feelings, they can
usually deal with their problems in a more
pragmatic manner.
DYING
RELATIONSHIP
STEP 4
STEP 5
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tastis verdi.
Forgive each other. According to Mayo Clinic, forgiveness
can take time. However, a couple needs to
restore the trust in the relationship before partners
can move their lives together forward in a positive
direction.
Talk with each other, but not before you can talk
calmly and rationally. Keep the lines of communication
open, and discuss the problems in
your relationship openly and honestly.
Listen to what your partner has to say. This lets
him know that you respect him. Make him feel like
he can talk to you about anything that is bothering
him. A study reported in the July 2003 issue of
the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology”
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showed that individuals who felt respected by their
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STEP 6
STEP 7
ried partners kept a daily diary for three weeks,
recording perceptions of their spouses’ regard for
them.
Compromise, especially in relation to sharing
problems and responsibilities. Determine whether
the two of you are working toward the same goals,
and if you are willing to work on solving your
problems together.