Jeff Kinney
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What’s Behind the Bullying?<br />
by Shirin Zarqa-Lederman, BCPC, LCADC, LPC, MA, MS<br />
If we really think about it, calling one a bully has become “bullying,”<br />
the same way calling a child “four eyes” or “a pencil neck geek” (there’s<br />
a blast from the past) is bullying. “Bullies” are children. For one reason<br />
or another, that child is lacking a basic need that is not being met and is<br />
acting out to let someone know. Children have limited verbal skills and<br />
often using nonverbal communication such as hitting or poking is meant<br />
to invoke an adult’s attention, not their peers.<br />
I can hear the roars of those<br />
“mother bears,” who want to<br />
attack any child that attacks their<br />
own, but let me put things in<br />
perspective: your child exudes all<br />
the confidence that those “bullies”<br />
envy. So rather than teach our<br />
children to be on the defensive,<br />
maybe we could teach them to<br />
stop and recognize that their<br />
peer is experiencing a problem<br />
and they, too, need empathy and<br />
understanding.<br />
A few years ago, I was called into<br />
my daughter’s preschool because<br />
there was an “incident.” Another<br />
child—a child who just the day<br />
before was her best friend—had<br />
bitten my child on the arm. I<br />
immediately asked her teacher if<br />
her parents were having another<br />
baby, since biting is a common<br />
reaction to change when children<br />
cannot vocalize how they feel. Her<br />
teacher said, “Actually, her mom<br />
just had a baby yesterday!”<br />
My child, of course traumatized<br />
and upset, came home with me<br />
20 StoryMonstersInk.com | NOVEMBER 2015 | Story Monsters Ink