Jeff Kinney

What’s Behind the Bullying?
by Shirin Zarqa-Lederman, BCPC, LCADC, LPC, MA, MS
If we really think about it, calling one a bully has become “bullying,”
the same way calling a child “four eyes” or “a pencil neck geek” (there’s
a blast from the past) is bullying. “Bullies” are children. For one reason
or another, that child is lacking a basic need that is not being met and is
acting out to let someone know. Children have limited verbal skills and
often using nonverbal communication such as hitting or poking is meant
to invoke an adult’s attention, not their peers.
I can hear the roars of those
“mother bears,” who want to
attack any child that attacks their
own, but let me put things in
perspective: your child exudes all
the confidence that those “bullies”
envy. So rather than teach our
children to be on the defensive,
maybe we could teach them to
stop and recognize that their
peer is experiencing a problem
and they, too, need empathy and
understanding.
A few years ago, I was called into
my daughter’s preschool because
there was an “incident.” Another
child—a child who just the day
before was her best friend—had
bitten my child on the arm. I
immediately asked her teacher if
her parents were having another
baby, since biting is a common
reaction to change when children
cannot vocalize how they feel. Her
teacher said, “Actually, her mom
just had a baby yesterday!”
My child, of course traumatized
and upset, came home with me
20 StoryMonstersInk.com | NOVEMBER 2015 | Story Monsters Ink