Catholic Outlook September 2015

Fatherhood: A journey that changes you forever
By Ben Smith, Director of the Family & Life Office
I
hope all fathers enjoy the presents and affection they
receive on Father’s Day on 6 September. The wonderful
hand-made cards that I get from my children are
special and make me reflect on how fatherhood has
changed me over the past 10 years. I believe these changes
have been at an emotional, a physiological and a spiritual
level. This process has been aided by the paternity leave
that has allowed me to spend at least three weeks at home
after the birth of each of my five children.
Emotionally, I am more vulnerable now that I have
children and I have developed the capacity to shed a tear
or two, especially when I am away from home and missing
my family. This tendency is new and I think it has resulted
from the emotional bonds that I have developed with my
wife and children.
At a physiological level, I can recall how in the lead-up
to the birth of a new child, I experienced a vagueness that
meant that I became a little forgetful. I think it could be a
form of baby brain syndrome.
But isn’t this syndrome something that only pregnant
women experience? My scientifically trained mind
ignored this experience as I thought it was a figment of
my imagination.
But that all changed when I discovered the results of
some recent research studies on this topic. Firstly, in 2011,
US researchers from Northwestern University found that
fathers experienced a reduction in testosterone after their
baby was born.
Another group of US researchers from the University
of Michigan in 2014 found that these changes in
testosterone also occured in fathers before their child was
born.
The researchers believe that the reduction in
testosterone may reduce the level of aggression in males
Proud father Joseph Younes cradles his firstborn son, Charlie.
and make them more committed to helping nurture their
child. Now there is an explanation for my prenatal baby
brain!
But other researchers have discovered changes in the
levels of other hormones. A study published in 2010 by
Israeli researchers from Bar-Ilan University found that
fathers experienced an increase in bonding hormones
such as oxytocin and prolactin.
The size and duration of these hormonal changes is
impacted by the level of involvement that fathers have in
caring for their newborn child.
This new area of research is bound to reveal a range of
amazing discoveries and enhance our understanding of
FAMILY & LIFE
the biological basis of fatherhood and its importance in
the upbringing of children.
At a spiritual level, fatherhood has taught me to be a
lot less selfish. I no longer get to watch much sport on the
television and it doesn’t really bother me too much.
I regularly have an interrupted sleep but I am happy to
tuck my kids back into bed and I love saying a little prayer
with them to settle them down. This level of self-sacrifice
would have seemed impossible before I became a father.
Being a father has developed my spirituality as I now
see myself as the spiritual leader of my family. I have
grown as a person to be able to be a strong leader to my
five strong-willed children. I have had to reflect on the
example I give my children in matters big and small. A
father’s behaviour has a big impact on their children.
Pope Francis spoke about the importance of fathers
in his general audience on 4 February this year. He spoke
about the need for a father to “be close to his children as
they grow: when they play and when they strive, when they
are carefree and when they are distressed, when they are
talkative and when they are silent, when they are daring
and when they are afraid, when they take a wrong step and
when they find their path again; a father who is always
present.” He also pointed out that “a good father knows
how to wait and knows how to forgive from the depths of his
heart.”
The change that men undergo when they become
fathers prepares them to play an indispensable role in
their family. Good fathers find time to be present to their
children. When fathers let their work take priority over
their family, their wife and children can suffer.
St Joseph is a great model for fathers. While he was a
man of few words his example spoke volumes to his foster
son, Jesus, the Word of God.
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CatholicOutlook | SEPTEMBER 2015 7