LERNERT ENGELBERTS Real Bad People - De Harmonie

looked like one of those perfect families from a toothpaste advert. But that was farfrom the truth. I had really bad teeth. They were all higgledy-piggledy and Mumalways said I had a mouth like a Jewish cemetery, but I’ve never been to one so Idon’t know what they look like. And my parents aren’t married either, even thoughthey’ve been together for fifteen years. Dad didn’t see the importance, or what hecalled the ‘added value’, of marriage. Mum and I had once stood looking at thedresses in a bridal shop in the shopping centre in Aberdeen. And after a while she’djust muttered, ‘Oh, they’re pretty hideous things really.’‘Where’s Kevin?’ I asked Mum, as she poured me another glass of ice tea.She didn’t answer and it began to dawn on me that Dad had given my brotherpreferential treatment for the umpteenth time. I pretended that I didn’t mind that he’dbeen allowed to go with Dad to Aberdeen and I just carried on sanding, but with alump in my throat. I could feel the tears prickling my eyes. My sister was skippingbarefoot through the garden, singing a Britney Spears song with words she’d madeup because she couldn’t ever remember the lyrics.You never know when a huge insect is suddenly going to appear and so I didn’t putthe surfboard anywhere near a bush, but on the grass by the apple tree. I lay downon it for just a few moments, even though I never usually get tired in the daytime. Itmust have been all that sanding.It was getting dark by the time I opened my eyes again. I could see bats flyingagainst a backdrop of bright purple sky and darting under the eaves of the old school,which seemed like quite a nasty place to live, so gloomy and dreary. I looked downagain and saw my brother and Dad, who were standing in front of the school,whispering to each other. They were carrying two long, heavy-looking machinesinside, which looked like those high-pressure spray things that they use to clean