I believe in arranged marriages

I believe in arranged marriagesToday we often read and hear about arranged marriages in the media. Arrangedmarriages are often depicted as something negative, something that restricts yourfreedom. In this article we hear a positive voice – a young British woman withPakistani background - who believes that arranged marriages are a very good idea.Maryah Kahn was born in England, but has a Pakistani background. Her parents came to Englandduring the 1970’s.Maryah expects that her marriage will be arranged by her parents.“It’s possible that I will find my husband on my own. But then it would be absolutely necessary forme that my parents approve of him and accept the marriage. It’s probably more likely that myparents will find somebody they think will suit me. But no matter what I will make the finaldecision”, she explains.She goes on:“It’s not like I’m forced to marry some guy if I don’t want to. It’s not like in the old days, youknow. Today the children and the parents make the decision together. And I think that’s very good.I mean, who knows you better than your own parents? They know what is good for you”Does that mean that if your parents find a candidate for you, then you can refuse to marry him?“Yes, of course!”But what about the other way around, what if you want to marry somebody you really love and yourparents refuse to accept the marriage?“Well, then it’s the same, of course. If my parents don’t accept him, I won’t marry him. I see it thisway: If they don’t approve of the man, then there must be a good reason. The good thing about anarranged marriage is that your parents check out the guy and the guy’s family. If you know hecomes from a good family – you know a family who lives in harmony - then there’s a better chancethat the marriage will last.But what if you are desperately in love?“I would probably try to convince my parents that he was right for me, but if they wouldn’t accepthim, then I would have to give him up. Besides, I don’t believe that a good marriage is about beingin love. I think that love is something you build up as you go along and as you build up a family anda life together. If you respect each other, like each other and share the same values, I think you havea good starting point. Then love will grow along the way.It’s certainly not something you pick up on a dance floor, anyway.Written by Louise Kisum, June 2009

What do you mean?“Well, many people in England they try to find a girlfriend or a boyfriend by dating. And I mean,it’s just so unlikely that you will meet Mr Perfect in a bar when everybody is drunk and the onlything that matters is how you look. It’s like a market out there. I know what I’m talking about frommy friends at school. The whole dating business just isn’t nice, not as I see it anyway.Written by Louise Kisum, June 2009