CHAPTER 1. THE LANGUAGE OF SUDDENNESSemotional. She was absolutely okay when she was sitting here, and just as she reached her room,she declared that she had a great cold <strong>com</strong>ing. And immediately, because that is the time she<strong>com</strong>es to see me – when I am taking my supper, she <strong>com</strong>es to see me – she did not <strong>com</strong>e. Shereally wanted to avoid me because I have seen something which she was hiding. Not only did shenot <strong>com</strong>e to me, but she even removed herself from Lao Tzu House to Krishna House, <strong>with</strong> anexcuse that she was getting a cold. She phoned Nirvano to say that she was getting suspicious, andthat by dedicating the new series to her, ”Osho is trying to blackmail me.”This way you can see the difference between the disciples that Ma Tzu and <strong>Hyakujo</strong> had. Even ifthey were hit on their heads, they would bow down and touch the feet <strong>of</strong> the master. So much haschanged in the world <strong>of</strong> consciousness. Man has fallen so low. For what should I blackmail? Butjust anger, the anger <strong>of</strong> being ”care <strong>of</strong>,” that anger became almost hysterical. Now whatever she issaying... again and again she has been phoning Nirvano asking, ”What has Osho said about me?”I have not said anything. I waited for this question from Maneesha. I cannot take my word back.You remember Ma Tzu – he wouldn’t remove his legs from the track. He allowed the disciple torun the cart over him and hurt his legs, but he would not move from this position. This book willbe dedicated to Anando <strong>with</strong> the words, ”In spite <strong>of</strong> herself.” And I will be dedicating more books. Iwould love to dedicate books to all <strong>of</strong> you.If time permits and existence allows, each buddha is going to have a book in his name as a respectand love from the master.Now it is Anando’s time.Farmer O’Leary has two prize cows, Daisy and Buttercup.One day, he borrows the neighbors’ bull and puts it into the field <strong>with</strong> the cows. <strong>The</strong> bull does notshow much interest in the cows – seems to be a swami! – and soon Farmer O’Leary gets bored andgoes <strong>of</strong>f for his lunch.That afternoon, Father Fumble, the village priest, <strong>com</strong>es to the farmhouse for tea, so Farmer O’Learycalls his farmhand, Sean, and tells him to go out to the field and watch the bull. Sean is to let himknow if the bull shows any interest in Daisy and Buttercup.Mrs. O’Leary is just pouring Father Fumble a second cup <strong>of</strong> tea, when Sean <strong>com</strong>es bursting into theroom and shouts, ”<strong>The</strong> bull is screwing Daisy!”Father Fumble almost chokes, and Farmer O’Leary drags Sean angrily into the kitchen.”Listen here, you idiot!” snaps O’Leary. ”You can’t use language like that in front <strong>of</strong> the priest! Nexttime, say something like, ‘<strong>The</strong> bull has surprised Daisy.’ Now, get back outside!”Ten minutes later, Sean <strong>com</strong>es bursting into the room in a high state <strong>of</strong> excitement.”Farmer O’Leary!” he stammers. ”<strong>The</strong> bull, er... the bull’s, ah....!” But he cannot finish his sentence.”Do you mean,” says O’Leary, <strong>with</strong> a knowing look, ”that the bull has surprised Buttercup?”<strong>Hyakujo</strong>: <strong>The</strong> <strong>Everest</strong> <strong>of</strong> <strong>Zen</strong>, <strong>with</strong> Basho’s <strong>Haikus</strong> 12 Osho
CHAPTER 1. THE LANGUAGE OF SUDDENNESS”I’ll say he has surprised Buttercup!” shouts Sean. ”He is screwing Daisy again!”Paddy has been training his horse, Kalki, for the big race. He has been giving it lots <strong>of</strong> exerciseand plenty <strong>of</strong> good food, but on the day <strong>of</strong> the race, Paddy is still worried that Kalki will not run fastenough.Just before the horses go to the start, Paddy quietly gives Kalki a couple <strong>of</strong> pep pills. Father Murphy,who has been watching this, goes up to Paddy.”I hope you are not giving your horse any illegal drugs?” says the old priest.”Certainly not, Father, I was just giving him a vitamin C,” says Paddy, popping one <strong>of</strong> the pills into hisown mouth. ”Here, try one yourself.”Father Murphy swallows one <strong>of</strong> the pep pills, thinking that it is a vitamin, and walks <strong>of</strong>f, apparentlysatisfied.Paddy turns to Seamus, who is going to ride Kalki in the race.”Don’t worry, Seamus, you are going to win for sure!” says Paddy, confidently. ”Nothing can passyou in this race, except me or Father Murphy!”George Grope is fifty years old, and has spent the best years <strong>of</strong> his life <strong>with</strong> a woman whose constantnagging and criticism has driven him mad.Now, in poor health, and <strong>with</strong> his business on the verge <strong>of</strong> collapse, he makes up his mind. He goesto the dining room, gets up on a chair, fastens his tie around the chandelier, and is just about to endit all. At that moment his wife enters the room.”George!” she cries in shock at the scene before her. ”You idiot! That is your best tie!”Chester Cheese is walking through the forest one day, <strong>with</strong> his teenage kid, Charlie.<strong>The</strong>y are enjoying the stroll very much, when suddenly Charlie sees a pair <strong>of</strong> black satin pantieslying on the path.”Hey, Dad,” exclaims Charlie. ”Look! A young girl’s panties!””Well, son,” says Chester, in a fatherly voice. ”I’d say those probably belong to an older woman, nota young girl.””Come on, Dad, ” replies Charlie. ”For sure these are a young girl’s panties!””I don’t think so, Charlie,” says Chester, stiffly.Just then Father Finger walks up.”Excuse me, gentlemen,” he says. ”But I couldn’t help overhearing your discussion. Perhaps I cansettle the matter for you.”<strong>Hyakujo</strong>: <strong>The</strong> <strong>Everest</strong> <strong>of</strong> <strong>Zen</strong>, <strong>with</strong> Basho’s <strong>Haikus</strong> 13 Osho