Around the World in 88 Years -E Book - Arthur Burt

the dirty diapers, help with errands, or wash the dishes. Moreyears passed, and one Christmas came when this girl was abouttwelve. During the festivities, I kissed her under the mistletoe,and in my pride (or in my imagination), I sensed her appreciationof me. That fed my pride, birthing something for which I musttake all the blame. Instead of giving God the credit for whatevershe saw in me that she admired, I took it to myself. The subtledeception in my thinking was that people loved me because Iwas loveable, rather than seeing it was the grace of God in methat was loveable.Of course, I was married with a family, and she was only a child.Nevertheless, a little flirtation began between us — but only whenmy wife was out of the room. The things you can do in play youcould not do in truth. Hands can stray in play that would not bejustified in open truth. It can be struggling for a handkerchief ortickling, but it is a cover-up.We have one label for it with other people and another label forit with ourselves. If it’s the Russians, we say spies; if it’s our country,we say Secret Service Agents. If it is you, it’s pornography, if itis me, it’s photography. If you correct me, I say, “Why don’t youmind your own business?” If I correct you, “Well, I’m just tryingto be helpful.” So we excuse rather than accuse ourselves. Withsomeone else, I would have called it lust — with me, it was play.This relationship continued until the girl was about 15. She had acrush on me and I encouraged it, which was easy to do becauseshe was always at our house. It never got to the point where Icould have been legally guilty of child molestation, but that wasonly by the grace of God. Even so, I was walking on thin ice.When she was 15, the girl’s mother approached the pastor in ourchurch where I was one of two associate pastors. She complainedto him that her daughter was not eating or sleeping well. Themother recognized that the girl had a crush on me and put theresponsibility for it on me.This offended me for two reasons. First, she didn’t come to medirectly to confront me with the truth, after all, that is the properway to handle a grievance. Second, she went to this pastor (of allpeople), who I knew was having a full-blown affair at the time.Marj and I had spent hours and hours counseling this man’s poor92