A treatise on comforting afflicted consciences - The Digital Puritan

AFFLICTED CONSCIENCES. 13and contrary commotions of Christendom, did never a whitdisanimate or shake the heart of this heavenly man, fitlyhonoured by the name of a third Elias.But now Francis Spira on the other side, having out ofhis inordinate love to the things of this life wofully woundedhis conscience by that infamous abjuration of the blessedtruth which he formerly professed, became a spectacle ofsuch spiritual misery and woe to the whole world, thatthere is not any thing left unto the memory of man moreremarkable.Upon the very first revisal of his recantation, and seriousconsideration in cold blood what he had done, he acknowledgedhimself utterly undone and for ever. His spiritsuddenly smitten with the dreadful sense of Divine wrath forhis apostacy, and split in pieces as it were with so grievous abruise, fainted fearfully, failed him quite, and fell asunderin his breast like drops of water. Hear some rueful expressionsof his desperate state from his own mouth ": Oh thatI were gone from hence, that somebody would let out thisweary soul ! I tell you there was never such a monster asI am ; never was man alive a spectacle of such exceedingmisery. I now feel God's heavy wrath, that burns like thetorments of hell within me, and afflicts my soul with pangsunutterable. Verily desperation is hell itself. The gnawingworm of unquenchable fire, horror, confusion, and,which is worst of all, desperation itself, continually torturesme. And now I count my present estate worse than if mysoul separated from my body were with Judas, and thereforeI desire rather to be there than thus to live in my body.The truth is, never had mortal man such experience ofGod's anger and hatred against him as I have. If I couldconceive but the least spark of hope in my heart of a betterstate hereafter, I would not refuse to endure the most heavywrath of the great God, yea for two thousand years, so thatat length I might emerge out of misery." He professed thathis pangs were such as that the damned souls in hell endurenot the like misery ; that his state was worse than that ofCain or Judas, and therefore desired to die. " Oh thatGod would let loose his hand from me, and that it werewith me now as in times past : I would scorn the threats ofthe most cruel tyrants, bear torments with invincible resolution,and glory in the outward profession of Christ, till Iwere choked in the flame and my body turned into ashes."