A treatise on comforting afflicted consciences - The Digital Puritan

AIFLICTED CONSCIENCES. 329being in a saving state, &c. ; so that he may judge himselfto have been formerly a hypocrite *; and for the presentcan very hardly, or not at all, distinguish his vvoful conditionfrom that of a cast-away. This secret and wonderfulwork of spiritual desertion doth God much exerciseand practise upon his children in many cases, for manycauses.1. Sometimes upon a re-ensnarement in some secretbosom lust, which was their darling and delight in the daysof their rebellion, relapSe into which Satan labours industriouslyto procure by all his devices ; for he gains greatlythereby. For so the new convert, considering in cool bloodwhat he hath done, may be cast upon such compldints asthese :—Alas "?! what have I done now This pestilent oldpollution, which so wofully wasted my conscience in timepast, hath fearfully reinfected my newly- washed soul. Ihave again, woe is me ! fallen into the abhorred pit of thisfoul sin, 1 have grieved that good Spirit which was latelycome to dwell in me. All the former horrors charge afreshupon my heart, from which I was happily freed even bysome glimpses of heavenly joy. 1 have wretchedly let gomy hold, lost my peace, broke my vows, and blessed communionwilh my God. Ah ! wretch that I am ; what shallI do ? And thereupon may fall upon a temptation of returningto his disavowed sensual delights, out of the conceit,that whatever he may do cannot make him worse thanhe is. Do what 1 can, 1 see I can never hold out, &c.Or he may plunge into the slavish perplexity—I dare notgo to God, 1 liave used him so villanously after such immeasurablekindness ; and provoked the " eyes of his glory"with such prodigious impurity, after I was purged. I darenot fall again to good-fellowship and former courses, lest Idraw some remarkable vengeance upon me now, and becertainly damned at last. So that he can neither lake pleasureupon the right hand or the left : or, which is most formy purpose, and that which the devil specially desires, Godtherefore may hide his face from him, and leave him to thedarkness of his own spirit, so that he may for a long time* But how is it possible tliat lie sliould entertain any such thought,since he knows in his own heart that he liath formerly made conscienceof avoiding all sin, and laboured to please God in all things, whicli areinfallible notes of a new man ? In height and heat of temptation, hemay think that all the good he did was in pride and hypocrisy. Sodid one whom I might name, think that he forbore sin orily for slavishfear. So did another, and yet the darkness of his horror and errorheing dispersed, he comes again to himself, and sees clearly, that, thoiitrhwith much weakness, yet he did both the one and tlie other io sincerity;as did botli these blessed sahits of God aftervvard,2F 3