I am the canker of my brother Sage's life. He has told me so ... - eDisk

ottom of the freshwater tank, the pearl gouramis flirting in astand of bamboo plant. I have a marine tank too, with threeyellow tangs and two fireworks anemones and a duskyangelfish. Tonight, for the first time, I’ll begin to know whatmy fish have known all their lives: how to breathe underwater.When I get calm enough I go to the women’s locker roomand find an empty locker. All around me, teenagers are tyingback their hair and putting their naked bodies into tank suits.Someone in the next row of lockers says she heard we’re notactually scuba-ing today, just learning the equipment and doingsome laps with fins to get used to the feeling. That makes mefeel a little better. When I go to St. Maarten I will have my ownfins, according to my father; we have already looked atexamples in the window of Arbor Valley Sea and Ski, and Ihave admired a translucent blue pair with a matching mask.They seem like they’d be almost invisible underwater.Looking at those fins made it easy to imagine swimming,but now that I’m here at the Y it seems crazy. Sure, in St.Maarten there are a lot of fish you can see living their livesaround coral reefs if you happen to know how to scuba. Thatkind of thing is attractive to an ichthyophile like me. But I amalso a person who almost drowned. When my dad told meabout St. Maarten, with its great diving, I wanted to ask if heand my mother were crazy. Did they really think I wouldvoluntarily walk into the ocean and let it close over my head?Before I could respond, my mother said she’d found us a scubacertification class at the Y. She and my father gave Sage andme these hopeful, anxious looks. I was speechless for amoment, and then I blurted, “Scuba?”“We think it’ll be good for you,” my mother said. “We thinkit’ll help you form positive associations with water.”“You don’t have to dive at all, of course,” my father said.“But we hope you’ll consider it.”After all their planning, how could I say no thanks? EvenSage, who for months had hated everything, seemed interestedin the trip. The next day he called the Y and signed us up forscuba lessons, and the rest of the week he walked around with astrange half-smile on his face. Now I think he was alreadycoming up with mean things to say to me, things that wouldmake me feel as scared as I do now.