Biblical Counseling.pdf - Online Christian Library

Appendix EHelping the Counselees Tell Themselves The TruthBelieving what is not true leads to misunderstandings, which lead to miscommunication,which leads to conflict. Many negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, jealousy,insecurity, and anger results from telling ourselves things that are not true.Note: Often couples fall prey to stating things to one another which are part truth andpart lie, and they believe their lies and partially-true comments which they maketo one another. These are so often damaging and bring many hurts and misunderstandings.Sometimes we work with a couple who are saved and know the answers for theirmarriage from exposure to Biblical teaching and preaching. They seem to haveadequate exposure to conflict-management and communication skills and yet donot make progress in the problems of their marriage. We may expect problemsdue to their faulty perceptions. But probably, more than anything else, they are nottelling themselves the truth.I. As Man Thinketh In His Heart -- So Is He. (Prov. 23:7)What I (man or woman) think in my heart -- in order words what I believe -- determineshow I feel and how I behave. The Greek philosopher Epictetus, who was also a convertto Christianity and a contemporary of the apostle Paul, said that it is the view we take ofevents, rather than the events themselves, that causes us difficulties.Illustration: If you walk into a room full of people, many of whom look up at you, whatdo you conclude? They are wondering who this attractive person is? Or, they seea homely, unwanted intruder? You conclusion, not the actual thoughts of the peopleleads you to hold your head high, or makes you want to crawl into a hole . It is notthe event, but your thoughts about the event, your evaluation is what makes thedifference.A. Thinking upon the wholesome. See Philippians 4:8.We can think upon those things which are positive -- just, pure, lovely, of goodreport, virtuous and praiseworthy. We do have choice.B. Thinking upon the truthful. See Phil. 4:8We can think upon those things that are true (honest). Paul made the first admonitiontoward truthfulness and the second toward being positive.Note: Paul was not always positive, nor only speak of the positive. His circumstancessurely were not always positive. (Sees II Cor. 4:8, 9; 4:17) Paul was truthful aboutthe things that he experienced, but he did not magnify the negative. He did notengage in self-pity. He gave us his truthful reporting of the events, his own interpretation,but also his view through the Word of God.Why was Paul troubled, perplexed, persecuted, and cast down, but not distressed,in despair, forsaken and destroyed? Weren’t things bad enough? We believe thingswere bad, very bad, but Paul did not exaggerate his problems, but trusted God.©2000, Revival in the Home Ministries 78