Biblical Counseling.pdf - Online Christian Library

4. Your role is to open the lines of communication, to help the couple hear andunderstand each other.5. Help them focus on "what can I do to make my marriage work." Then healingcan begin. (WORK through habit and thought change.)B. Immediate Concerns That May Be Addressed.1. Assess the potential for physical assault. Should one of the spouses leavethe home? Might you be in danger when you intervene? If so, call the police.2. Decide whether to wait until you are asked to help or to take the initiative.Waiting may make you more effective, but it can also allow the situation tomove beyond hope.C. Things to Do or Say.1. Provide the opportunity for controlled release of emotions, but don't allowhurtful or spiteful attacks.2. Provide understanding about the real issue (s). Point out the issues and whatoptions they might have and what needs to be considered. Help the couplework through these options. (Of course use the Biblical methods forcounseling dealt with earlier in this material.)3. Encourage the couple to talk with each other and not at or about each other.Help them look for things to appreciate.4. Remind them of the covenant they made on their wedding day. Help themrebuild their marriage around self-giving agape love rather than self-seekingfeelings or expectations.5. For those already divorced, help them rebuild their spiritual, emotional, andfamily lives with the loving care and Biblical standards of the Word of God.D. Things Best Not to Do or Say.1. Resist taking sides, to designate who is villain and who is victim. Althoughfault may not be equal, it takes two people to make a marriage crisis.2. Do not assume the responsibility to patch up the marriage. Only the couplecan rebuild their relationship.3. Do not condemn. People with faltering or fallen marriages already know theirfailures and are loaded with guilt and shame.4. Do not underestimate the potential for violence in a domestic quarrel. Usecaution entering a marital fight in progress. Also realize that they could bothturn on you as well.5. Be very cautious of unhealthy attractions or dependencies that can be formedbetween you and a counselee.©2000, Revival in the Home Ministries 66