MY CHILDREN - Asia for Educators - Columbia University

Primary Source Documentwith Questions (DBQs)" M Y C H I L D R E N "B y Z h u Z i q i n gIntroductionBeginning around 1917, Chinese intellectuals began to engage each other in serious discussion and debate onculture, history, philosophy, and related subjects — all with an eye to the bigger problem of China's weakness andthe possible solutions to that problem. This period of intellectual debate, labeled the May Fourth Movement, lasteduntil around 1921.Zu Ziqing (1898-1948) achieved fame as a writer of poetry, criticisms, sketches, and essays in the decadesimmediately following the May Fourth Movement. As a 1920 graduate of Beijing University, Zhu was certainlyinfluenced by the cultural debates of the May Fourth period. The essay below concerns his views on his family, andparticularly his five children.Document Exce rpts with Que stions (Longe r sele ction follows this section)From Chinese Civilization: A Sourcebook, edited by Patricia Buckley Ebrey, 2nd ed. (New York: The Free Press, 1993), 391-395.© 1993 The Free Press. Reproduced with the permission of the publisher. All rights reserved.ExcerptsfromʺMyChildrenʺByZhuZiqingBeinganegotistthroughandthrough,Iamnotmuchasahusband,evenlessasafather.Ofcourse,ʺEsteemchildrenandgrandchildrenʺandʺYouthisthebasicunitʺarephilosophicalandethicalprincipleswhichIrecognize.Onceyouhavebecomeafather,Iknow,youcannotjustshutyoureyesandignoretherightsofthechildren.Unfortunately,manyofmyideasremainmeretheory;inactualfact,Icopewiththesituationintheold‐fashionedtraditionalway,savageinstyle,justlikeanyordinaryfather.OnlynowwhenIamalmostmiddle‐ageddoIrealizealittleofmyownbrutality.…… I still believe that my children in their early years weremuch more ofanannoyance thanotherpeopleʹs.Ithinkitmayhavebeenmainlyduetoourineptnessatbringingthemup.YetImustadmittherewasalsohappinessinthetruesense.Asanyonewilltellyou,thelittleonesarealwaysadorable……Ithink,firstofall,Imustgetallmychildrentogether.Next,Imustgivethemstrength.Ihavepersonally witnessed the case of a man who, although very fond of his children, grosslyneglectedthembynotprovidinggoodeducationsforthem.

Primary Source Document with Questions (DBQs) on" M Y C H I L D R E N , " B Y Z H U Z I Q I N G… Of course, a personʹs social value and success do not altogether depend on his schooleducation.Byinsistingthatourchildrenbeuniversityeducated,weonlyfollowourpersonalprejudices.…[TranslatedbyErnstWolff]Questions:1. The author describes the tension between his ideals concerning childrearingand his actual behavior. What factors lead to this tension? To what extent isthe tension that he describes unique to his time and place (China in the late1920s), and to what extent is it universal?2. If a person's social value and success do not altogether depend on his schooleducation, then on what other factors might they depend?Longe r Se le ctionFrom Chinese Civilization: A Sourcebook, edited by Patricia Buckley Ebrey, 2nd ed. (New York: The Free Press, 1993), 391-395.© 1993 The Free Press. Reproduced with the permission of the publisher. All rights reserved.ʺMyChildrenʺByZhuZiqing Iamnowalreadythefatheroffive.ThinkingofthemetaphorthatYeShengtao*likestoquoteaboutthesnailthatcarriesahouseonitsbackmakesmefeeluncomfortable.Recentlyoneof my relatives teasedme, saying, ʺYouare getting ʹskinnedʹ!ʺ Thatdisturbed me even more.TenyearsagowhenIhadjustmarried,IreadHuShiʹsSundryNoteswherehesaysthatmanyfamous men never got married. He also quotes Bacon to the effect that whoever has taken awifehashislifeʺset.ʺThatstartledmeasifawakeningmefromadream,butmyfamilyhadmarriedmeoffandIhadhadnothingtosayaboutit.WhatcouldIdo?OnceIhadawife,alongcamefivechildren,aheavyburdenformytwoshoulders;IreallywonderhowIcangoon.NotonlyismylifeʺsetʺbutIalsoworryabouthowthechildrenwillgrowup.Beinganegotistthroughandthrough,Iamnotmuchasahusband,evenlessasafather.Ofcourse,ʺEsteemchildrenandgrandchildrenʺandʺYouthisthebasicunitʺarephilosophicalandethicalprincipleswhichIrecognize.Onceyouhavebecomeafather,Iknow,youcannotjust shut your eyes and ignore the rights of the children. Unfortunately, many of my ideasremainmeretheory;inactualfact,Icopewiththesituationintheold‐fashionedtraditionalway,savage in style, just like any ordinary father. Only now when I am almost middle‐aged do Irealizealittleofmyownbrutality,andwhenIthinkofthecorporalpunishmentandscoldingthechildrenhavehadtoendure,Iamatalosstofindexcuses.Liketouchinganoldscar,itstillhurtstothinkofit.Asia for E duca tors l Columbia University l http ://afe.easia.columbia.edu Page 2 of 7

Primary Source Document with Questions (DBQs) on" M Y C H I L D R E N , " B Y Z H U Z I Q I N GOnce,readingatranslationofArishimaTakeoʹsʺWiththeYoung,ʺ*Iwasmovedtotearsby his noble and deeply sincere attitude. Last year my father enquired about Ajiu, who wasthenstillwithmeatWhiteHorseLake,sayinginhisletter,ʺSinceIneverneglectedyou,Iwishyouwouldalsonotneglecthim.ʺIthoughtthisremarkverytouching.WhyamInotcapableofmyfatherʹslovingkindness?Iwillneverforgethowhelookedafterme.Humannaturemayreallybepolarized;Iamcertainlyinconsistent,swingingbackandforthlikeapendulum.You have probably read Lu Xunʹs ʹʹThe HappyFamily.ʺ Mine is indeed such a happygroup.Atourdailylunchesanddinners,twotidalwavesseemtobedescendingonus.First,the children keep running to and fro between the dining room and the kitchen to check onthings, urging Mother orme to give out the orderto serve food.The hurried patter of manylittlefeet,accompaniedbymuchhilarityandshouting,lastsuntilthatorderisgiven.Thentherunningandshoutingresumeastheorderistransmittedbymanymouthsuntilitreachesthemaidinthekitchen.Thenbackagaintheyrushforthefightforstools:oneshoutsʺIwanttosithereʺ;theothercomplainsʺBrotherwonʹtletmesitʺ;brotherretortsʺSisterhitmeʺ;whereuponIhavetoassumetheroleofpeacemaker.Attimes,though,theybecomesoadamantthatIcannotstandit.Istartshoutingand,ifthatdoesnotsettleit,Imaylosemytemper,anddowncomesmyheavyhandonsomeone.Thenfinally,afterafewtears,allwillfindtheirseatsandorderwillberestored.Nexttheargumentswillbreakoutaboutlargebowlsversussmallbowls,redchopsticksversusblackones,riceorgruel,teaorsoup,fishormeat,beancurdorcarrots,withmutualaccusationsofdippingtoooftenintothemeatandvegetabledishes.Mother,asusual,triestocalmeveryonedown,butwithlittleobviouseffect.Thenmyratherirasciblenaturewillnotbeabletostanditanylongerand,ofcourse,Iwillapplytheold‐fashionedmethod,therebymanagingtosubduetheminstantly.Moretears,butfinallyeveryonewillbebusywithbowlsandchopsticks,somewipingtearsfromreddenedeyes.Whenthemealisoverandtheyleavetheir seats, off they go helter‐skelter, leaving behind a mess of food droppings, rice, sauce,bones,crumbs,andajumbleofchopsticksandspoonsinthepatternofacolorfulmap.Apartfromeating,thechildrenʹsmainpursuitisplay.Thebigonescomeupwithbigideas and the small ones with small ideas, and no one will goalong with the othersʹ wishes.Then the quarrels startagain,and either the big ones bully the small ones, or the small onesmanagetobrowbeatthebigones;anyhow,thevictimizedpartywillpersonallybringhisorhercomplainttoMotherorme.MostlikelyIwillagainapplytheold‐fashionedmethodofsettlingtheargument,butsometimesIjustpaynoattention.Themostannoyingarethefightsfortoys.Evenifbothhavesimilartoys,oneinsistsontheotherʹs,andnoonewillgiveupanythinghehas.Inasituationlikethis,inevitablytearswillhavetoflowfromsomeoneʹseyes.Notallofthishappenseveryday,butagoodmeasureofitdoes.IfIwanttoreadabookorwritesomethingathome,Icanguaranteethatmyattentionwillbedivertedseveraltimeseveryhour,orIwillbeforcedtogetuponceortwice.OnrainydaysorSundays,whenmostofthechildrenarehome,ithashappenedthatIcouldnotreadevenonelineorwriteoneword.Ioftentellmywife,ʹʹAlldayourhomeislikeabattlefieldwithlargearmiesinmotion.ʺThisgoesonnotonlyduringthedaytime,butevenatnightwhenthereisthecommotionofbabiesbeingfedorthesickbeingtendedto.Asia for E duca tors l Columbia University l http ://afe.easia.columbia.edu Page 3 of 7

Primary Source Document with Questions (DBQs) on" M Y C H I L D R E N , " B Y Z H U Z I Q I N GI was only nineteen the year Imarried.I was twenty‐one when we had Ajiu, twentythreewhenwehadAcai.AtthattimeIwaslikeawildhorsethatcouldnotstandsaddle,reins,andbridle.IknewIshouldnotrunawayfromitandyet,unconsciously,Itriedto.Thinkingbacktothosedays,IseethatIreallygavethetwochildrenahardtime;myactsofviolencewereunpardonable.WhenAjiuwasonlytwoandahalfyearsold,welivedontheschoolgroundatHangzhou.Seeminglyfornoreason,thischildwascryingallthetimeandwasalsoverywaryofstrangers.WhenhewasnotnearMother,orwhenhesawastranger,hewouldstartbawlinghis head off. Since many people lived around us, I could not let him disturb the wholeneighborhood,butwealsocouldnotavoidhavingmanyvisitors.Iwasmostannoyedbyhisbehavior. Once I purposely got Mother out of the room, closed the door, put the boy on thefloor and gave him a good spanking. Even now, when we talk about it, Mother finds itunpardonable.Shesaysmyhandsaretooharsh.Afterall,thechildwasonlytwoandahalf.Inrecent years I have often felt sad at thethought of that incident. Once it also happened withAcaiinTaizhou.Shewasevensmaller,justpastayear,hardlyabletowalk,possiblybecauseshe was verymuch attached to her mother. I put her in a corner and let her cry andyell forthreeorfourminutes.Itmadehersickforafewdays,andMothersaiditwasreallyaheartlessthingtodo.Butmysufferingsweregenuinetoo.Once I wrote Ye Shengtao that my plight due to the children sometimes got to beunbearableandgaverisetothoughtsofsuicide.AlthoughinsayingthisIwasmerelyventingmyanger,Ireallyhavebeeninthismoodsometimes.Later,withmorechildren,andhavingtobearmysufferingforsometime,Ifoundthesharpedgesofmyyouthhadbecomebluntedandaddedagehadincreasedmyrationaljudgment.Ibecamemoretolerant,recognizingthatinthepastIreallyhadbeenʺanythingbutaperfectfather,ʺasIwrotetoanotherfriend.However,Istillbelievethatmychildrenintheirearlyyearsweremuchmoreofanannoyancethanotherpeopleʹs.Ithinkitmayhavebeenmainlyduetoourineptnessatbringingthemup.Yetifweinvariably scolded them and had them take all the blame for what should have been ourresponsibility,itwascertainlyashamefulcrueltyonourpart.YetImustadmittherewasalsohappinessinthetruesense.Asanyonewilltellyou,thelittleonesarealwaysadorable,thosecaptivatinglittlemitesandlittledarlings.Amaoisnowfivemonthsold.Whenyoutouchherchinormakefaces,shewillopenhertoothlessmouthandgiveoutagurglinglaugh.Hersmileislikeaflowerunfolding.Shedoesnotliketobeinsideforlongandifsheis,shecriesoutloudly.Motheroftensays,ʺThelittlegirlwantstotakeawalk;likeabird,shehastoflitawayonceinawhile.ʺRunerwasthreejustlastmonth;aclumsyone,hecannotyetspeakwell.Hecanonlysaythreeorfour‐wordsentenceswithnoregardforgrammarandablurredpronunciation,gettingevery word out only with great effort. It always makes us laugh. When he wants to say hao[good],itcomesoutlikexiao[small].Ifyouaskhim,ʺAreyouwell?ʺhewillreplyʺsmallʺorʺnotsmall.ʺWeoftenmakehimsaythesewordsforthefunofit,anditseemshenowsuspectsasmuchandhasrecentlybeguntosayacorrecthao,especiallywhenwepurposelywanthimtoAsia for E duca tors l Columbia University l http ://afe.easia.columbia.edu Page 4 of 7

Primary Source Document with Questions (DBQs) on" M Y C H I L D R E N , " B Y Z H U Z I Q I N Gsayxiao.Hehasanenamelcupwhichweboughtforabouttencents.Themaidhadtoldhim,ʺThisistencents.ʺAllherememberedweretwowordsʺtencentsʺandhethereforeusedtocallhiscupʺtencents,ʺsometimesabbreviatedtoʺcents.ʺWhenthatmaidleft,thetermhadtobetranslated for the new one. If he is embarrassed or sees a stranger, he has a way of staringopenmouthedwithasillysmile;wecallhimasillyboyinournativedialect.Heisalittlefatty,withshortlegs,funnytolookatwhenhewaddlesalong,andifhehurries,heisquiteasight.Sometimesheimitatesme,claspinghishandsbehindhimandwalkingwithaswinginggait.Hewillthenlaughathimselfandalsomakeuslaugh.HisbigsisterAcaiisoversevenyearsoldandgoestoelementaryschool.Atthetableshe prattles along breathlessly with stories of her schoolmates or their parents, whetheranybodywantstolistenornot.ShealwaysendswithaʺDad,doyouknowthem?ʺorʺDad,didyou know that?ʺ Since Mother does not allow her to talk while eating, she always addressesherselftome.Sheisalwaysfullofquestions.Afterthemovies,sheaskswhetherthepeopleonthescreenarereal,andifso,whytheydonʹttalk.Thesamewithphotographs.Somebodymusthave told her that soldiers beat up people, which prompted her to ask, ʺAre soldiers humanbeings? Why do they beat people?ʺ Recently, probably because her teacher made certainremarks,shecamehomeandasked,ʺWhosesideisZhangZuolinon?AreJiangJieshiʹssoldiershelpingus?ʺEndlessquestionsofthistypeareusedtopestermeeveryday,andoftentheybackmeintoacornerforwantofananswer.WhensheplayswithRuner,theymakeanincongruouspair,onebigandonesmall,andthereisconstantquarrelingandcrying.Butsometimestheyseemtogetalong.Forinstance,onemighthideunderthebedandtheothertrytosqueezeininpursuit. Then out they come, oneafter the other, from this bed to that. All one hears is theirlaughter,shoutingandpanting,asMotherwouldsay,justlikelittledogs.NowinBeijingthereareonlythesethreechildrenwithussince,whenwecamenorthlastyear,GrandmothertookAjiuandZhuanerbacktostayatYangzhouforthetimebeing.Ajiu loves books; he likes to read Water Margin, The Journey to the West, Heroes of theSword, Little Friend, and so on. He reads whenever he has a spare moment, sitting or lyingdown.TheonlybookhedislikesisTheDreamoftheRedChamber,which,hesays,hasnoflavor;andindeedaten‐year‐oldcanhardlybeexpectedtoappreciateitsflavor.Lastyearwehadtoleavebehindtwoofthechildren.SinceAjiuwasabiggerboyandsince Zhuanger had always been with Grandmother, we left them behind in Shanghai. Irememberveryclearlythemorningofourparting.IbroughtAjiufromthehotelatTwoStreamBridgetowhereMotherandZhuangerwerestayingwithsomefriends.Motherhadtoldmetobuy something to eat for them, so at Sima Street I went into a restaurant. Ajiuwanted somesmokedfish,whichIboughtforhimalongwithsomecookiesforZhuanger.Thenwewentbystreetcar to Haining Street. When we got off, I noticed an expression of apprehension anddiscomfortonhisface.Ihadtohurrybacktothehoteltopreparethingsforthejourneyandcould say only one or two words to the children. Zhuanger lookedat me silently while AjiuturnedtosaysomethingtoGrandmother.Ilookedbackonce,thenleft,feelingmyselfthetargetoftheirrecriminatoryglances.MotherlatertoldmethatAjiuhadsaidbehindmyback,ʺIknowAsia for E duca tors l Columbia University l http ://afe.easia.columbia.edu Page 5 of 7

Primary Source Document with Questions (DBQs) on" M Y C H I L D R E N , " B Y Z H U Z I Q I N GFatherpreferslittlesisterandwonʹttakemetoBeijing,ʺbutthiswasreallynotdoingmejustice.He also pleaded, ʺAt summer vacation time, you must come and pick me up,ʺ which wepromisedtodo.NowitisalreadythesecondsummerandthechildrenarestillleftwaitinginfarawayYangzhou.Dotheyhateusormissus?Motherhasneverstoppedlongingforhertwochildren.Oftenshehasweptsecretly,butwhatcouldIdo?Justthinkingoftheoldanonymouspoem,ʺItʹsthelotofthepoortolivewithconstantreunionsandseparations,ʺsaddenedmenoend.Zhuangerhasbecomeevenmoreofastrangertome,butlastyearwhenleavingWhiteHorseLake, she spoke up in her crude Hangzhou dialect (at that time she had never been inYangzhou) and her especially sharp voice: ʺI want to go to Beijing.ʺ What did she know ofBeijing? She was just repeating what she had heard from the big children. But still, rememberinghowshesaiditmakesmeterriblysad.Itwasnotunusualforthesetwochildrentobeseparated from me,andthey hadalso been separated from Mother once, but this time it hasbeentoolong.Howcantheirlittleheartsenduresuchloneliness?Most of my friends love children. Shaogu once wrote to reproach me for some of myattitudes.Hesaidthatchildrenʹsnoisesaresomethingtobecherished.HowcouldanyonehatethemasIhadsaid?Hesaidhereallycouldnotunderstandme.FengZikaiwroteanarticleforhisViewingChina,whichisallʺamiabletalkfromamostkindheartedman.ʺYeShengtaooftentalked about his worries too, such as what middle school to send the children to after theyfinishedelementaryschool.Hebroughtthistopicupwithmetwoorthreetimes.Thosefriendsmademefeelashamedofmyownattitude.Recently,however,Ihavegrownmoreawareofmyresponsibilities.Ithink,firstofall,Imustgetallmychildrentogether.Next,Imustgivethemstrength.Ihavepersonallywitnessedthecaseofamanwho,althoughveryfondofhischildren,grosslyneglectedthembynotprovidinggoodeducationsforthem.Notthathewasspoilingthem in any way; it was merely that he lacked the patience to take good care of them. As aresult,theywillneveramounttomuch.IthinkifIgoonlikeIhave,mychildrenwillbeinevengreater danger. Imust make plans, must let them gradually know what it takes to become agoodhumanbeing.ButdoIwantthemtobecomelikeme?OnceatWhiteHorseLakewhereIwas teaching lower middle school, I had asked Xia Mianzun this question, to be consideredfromthestandpointoftheteacher‐pupilrelationship.Heansweredunhesitatingly,ʺOfcourse!ʺRecently,IcametotalkwithYuIʹinghoaboutraisingchildrenandhehadacleveranswer:ʺInanycase,donotmakethemworsethanweare.ʺYes,indeed,raisingthemtobenotworsethanweare,thatwoulddo!Likenesstooneselfneednotbeofanyconcern.Profession,worldview,andsoon—letthemfigurethatoutforthemselves.Whatevertheydecideforthemselves,theywill value. Merely to guide them and help them develop themselves seems the mostenlightenedpathtofollow.Yutongoncesaid:ʺOnlyifwehaveourchildrengraduatefromuniversitiescanwesaythatwehavefulfilledourparentalduties.ʺS.K.disagreed:ʺConsideralsointhiscontextyourown economic ability and the childrenʹs capabilities and goals. If they graduatefrom middleschool and cannot, or will not, go on to higher studies, let them do something else; evenAsia for E duca tors l Columbia University l http ://afe.easia.columbia.edu Page 6 of 7

Primary Source Document with Questions (DBQs) on" M Y C H I L D R E N , " B Y Z H U Z I Q I N Gbecoming workers, for instance, would not be improper at all.ʺ Of course, a personʹs socialvalue and success do not altogether depend on his school education. By insisting that ourchildrenbeuniversityeducated,weonlyfollowourpersonalprejudices.Icannotdecidetheseissuesnow,especiallysincethetimesaresounstable.Howcanonepossiblyforeseethefuture?Itisagoodthingthechildrenarestillsmall;wecanwaitandseewhathappens.Allthatwecandoatpresentistogivethembasicstrength,breadthofmind,andgoodjudgment.Sincetheyarestillchildren,itisofcoursetooearlytotalkabouthighandfar‐offobjectives;weshouldratherstartoutslowlyfromwhatisnearathandandbasic.This,quitenaturally,willproceedfromthewayIam.ʺItisuptoeachindividualtosolveforhimselfthemysteriesoflife!ʺBeitglory,misfortuneoranundistinguishedfatethatawaitsthem,leteachexerthimselftotheutmostofhisstrength.IonlyhopethatwithallthesereflectionsIwillfromnowondowellasafather;thatwouldsatisfymecompletely.Thecalloftheʺmadmanʺtoʺrescuethechildrenʺisafrighteningwarningtoallofus![TranslatedbyErnstWolff]Asia for E duca tors l Columbia University l http ://afe.easia.columbia.edu Page 7 of 7