Roles for Bengali Women in Love and Family Judith Walsh

FACE 'IO FACE:ROLES FOR BENGALI ~ IN IDVE AND FAMILYIn 1884 a twenty-two year old Indian man wrote the first of what wouldbecome two editions of a book on women's coOOuct. He published Grha I..akshmi("'Ihe virtuous Housewife" or literally "'Ihe I..akshmi of the House") in anedition of one ~ copies which sold for eight annas apiece (BengalLibrary 1884:175).Grha Iakshmi was one of almost twenty "advice for women" books written inBengali during the 1880s and 1890s. 'Ihe authors of IOOSt of these texts weremen; their purpose in writing was the redefinition of women's roles and theadaptation of these roles to the changed circumstances of life in Britishrulednineteenth century Bengal. Before 1860, few similar texts existed. Butby 1884, as the education of wives and daughters gained acceptance among urbanand literate Bengali families, enough texts had been written for the author ofGrha Lakshmi to note: "'Ihere is no lack of books for women full of moralinstructions" (Raychaudhuri 1887:1) .'lhe focus of this paper is these "advice for women" texts-and, inparticular, two chapters of one text, Grha Iakshmi. Because their subject waswomen's =rxluct, all the texts tell us something about the lives andactivities of Bengali women in this period. since all but one of theseauthors were men, they tell us even more about the ideas men had about howwomen's roles should be adapted to the new corrlitions of life of that time inBritish In:tia. 'lhrough the pages of these texts we watch Bengali men as theyattempt to redefine the roles of women in their society; through a closereading of the two selected chapters of Gma Iakshmi we see the conflicts andinconsistencies that accompany one author as he IroVes toward such aredefinition.Traditional RolesA defining male perspective had always marked traditional definitions ofwomen's roles in Irrlia. Traditional HiOOu law codes and legends defined awoman's purpose in life as the bearing of children and emphasized the need formale control over her at all stages of her life (Manu 1958:233) . Legends andreligious texts offered images of goddesses, such as both aspects of the majorgoddess Kali/D.1rga in Bengal, who were either seductive destroyers orcompliant wives and indulgent mothers.Traditional social structures also required that a married woman,especially when young, subordinate her needs to the clemarrls of her husbarrl'sextended family. A young girl in Bengal (as in other parts of India) wasmarried at (or in SOIl'e cases a little before) puberty and upon her marriageleft her family home to grow into adulthood in her in-laws' home. Manytraditions encouraged her to separate herself psychologically as she wasalready separated legally and physically from her childhood home and herfather's lineage.. LUring the early years of a girl's married life, before thebirth of a first child, she was expected to be dutiful and obedient to herhusband's parents, to rise early and to work hard. Contact with her husbandwas restricted; she could not speak to him in front of his parents and mightsee him alone only at night (Borthwick 1984:3-25; Olakraborty 1963:1-8;