Learning to make good decisions and solve problems - KidsMatter

Ali and Cameron were fighting over a toy. A staff member in the earlychildhood service said ‘Let me see if I can help you with the problem.I see that Ali, you took the toy train away from Cameron because youwanted a turn with it, is that right? And Cameron, you wanted to keep itbecause you were busy playing with it, and you were angry because youhad it first? So the problem is that two people both want the toy. Cameronfeels angry and hurt because Ali took the toy and Ali feels sad because hewants to play with it’. As children get older they will be able to say howthey feel themselves.Planning to solve the problemDepending on the age and abilities of the children, solutions may be offered (fortoddlers) for example, ‘How would it be, Cameron, if you finish your game andthen give it to Ali for a turn?’ If Cameron chooses to keep the train for a whileyou could help Ali find something else to do while he waits for a turn. (Becausemost toddlers are not really able to wait and take turns yet, you might also tryto find another train so they can have one each).If the children are three or older you could say: ‘Can you think of some ways wecould solve this?’ If they can’t think of any you could make some suggestions forthem to choose from. Think of as many options as you can and then talk aboutwhat would happen with each one. Even if options seem unworkable, includethem as this encourages children to consider different solutions before choosingwhat to do next.Remember that often noticing and commenting on a child’s emotion is in itselfenough to solve a problem, for example, Cameron is angry and hurt and Ali is sad.Doing something about it (action)Staying nearby might be enough support for children to try to problem solve.Sometimes they will need your help. As they get older, children will be able todo more problem solving themselves and then let you know later how it went.Checking backAsk children about the decision they have made—did it help, did it not help, doyou need to find a different way to go? This is important because sometimeschildren ask an adult to help them with a problem and whatever suggestionthey try does not work. If you don’t check back and show children how to tryagain, they may have lost an opportunity to learn or confidence in your abilityto help.Keep in mind thatevery aspect of achild’s life does nothave to be used asan opportunity to learnsomething. Havingfun playing their owngames and workingout their problems isessential to healthydevelopment.How decision-makingskills developWhen we are helpingchildren to makedecisions we needto make sure ourexpectations fit withwhat they are ableto do.Often young children cannot decide what todo without some help from an adult. Veryyoung children can be given simple choicesbetween two things. Parents and carerscan put problems into words for the childand offer possible solutions. As children getolder and more confident, they are moreable to think of ways to solve their problemswhen they are prompted and later can workthem out for themselves without help.2 Learning to make good decisions and solve problemsKidsMatter Early Childhood – www.kidsmatter.edu.au

Parents, carers and early childhood staffcan encourage toddlers to make their ownchoices and may avoid saying ‘No’ morethan they have to. A staff member mightsay ‘Yes’ to a child who does not want tohave morning tea at the same time as theother children because he is busy makingsomething. If parents and carers do have tosay ‘No’, it is helpful to give a simple reasonthat the child can understand. For example‘No, we can’t blow bubbles inside becauseit will make the floor slippery. But let’s blowthem outside’.Offering two choices gives children practiceat feeling confident in choosing. You mightoffer two different shirts to wear, twodifferent toys to choose from, or a choicebetween a banana or some strawberries.Babies (birth to around 18 months)ffRight from the start, babies notice patterns in their lives, such asfamiliar voices, how faces look and the patterns of people’s behaviour.ffBabies learn they can have an impact on these patterns (e.g., they learnthat when they smile, someone smiles back and when they are vocal,someone talks back).ffBabies need a predictable environment (e.g., if a different personattends to them each time they cry, or sometimes people smile at themand sometimes they look angry, it makes it harder for babies to learnhow to respond).When you hold out two toys to a baby and the baby chooses one, the baby ismaking a decision. When you offer babies a feed and they turn their head away,they are making a decision.You can help babies develop their decision-making skills by respecting their needto choose when they can. For example, if they don’t like a food, you can offerthem something different; if they are upset when you try to leave them you couldstay and comfort them. This helps babies build a sense of trust and confidence.Sometimes adults can let toddlers learnfrom making mistakes with choices, aslong as they are not harmful. For example,a toddler who wants to experiment withputting their peas in their milk mightdecide they don’t like it. No harm is done;they have learned something and made adecision.It is beneficial for toddlers to make choiceswherever they can, but when there is anissue of physical or emotional safety, itis important that parents or carers takecharge. One important choice to givetoddlers is about what and how much theyeat. This is part of coping with their newworld. Like adults, toddlers don’t want toeat food they don’t like, or to eat whenthey are not hungry. Getting into conflictabout foods is likely to be upsetting foreveryone. Providing a variety of foods,including some you know the child likes,and letting them choose gives them anopportunity to make a decision on theirown. Providing just a few choices can makeit easier for children.Toddlers (around 18 months to three years)ffReally want to make their own decisions and this is a very positivedevelopmental stepffAre learning they are separate individuals, so this is a very importanttime to encourage them to make choicesffOften have difficulty with too many choices because they can’t holdmany options in their thoughts at onceffOften like things to be the same and do not respond well to change.Learning to make good decisions and solve problems3Information for families and early childhood staff Component 2 – Developing children’s social and emotional skills

Preschool children (around three to five years)ffAre much better able to use words for thinking and expressing whatthey needffCan tell someone about a problemffCan wait for some time for something they wantffKnow that their minds are separate from others’, that others don’tknow what they are thinking, have a much better memory, and a betterunderstanding of time than when they were younger.Preschool children can hold several things in their mind at once, which meansthey can take into account different things when making decisions. For example,a three-year-old who asks to go to a gym class may know that they enjoy thegym, that there will be other children they like there and their parent or carerwill be coming back on time to pick them up.By the end of the preschool years children have developed many skills that helpthem to start making decisions on their own. However, their understanding ofthe world is still limited and they still need the support of parents and carers.Older preschoolers can often practise problem solving in different ways (e.g.,sort out dogs from cats, sort the small horses from big horses). This experienceis good practise for other decision making. Preschoolers can rememberinformation they have been given, can use this to think about new situationsand are more able to manage their feelings and actions. This helps preschoolaged children make more thoughtful choices.Children’s brain development and thinking skillsffBabies are born with millions of brain cells and the pathways between thecells that get them working are largely made over the first few years of life.ffThe parts of the brain that are used most develop good links and becomestronger.This means that the early years are the best time to promote the skills for learningand thinking (but not the only time, as the brain can change throughout life).As children’s brains grow and develop, children become more able to hold thingsin their mind and remember what they have learned. These qualities are crucialfor problem solving and decision making.The ability to think, reason, manage feelings and the way we look at things arenot separate, they are all dependent on each other. For example, a two-yearoldwho wanders away from a staff member may get very angry with the staffmember for not finding him, because he does not yet understand that otherscannot read his mind. He thinks the staff member knows where he is, so when he‘decides’ to wander away he thinks people will find him. He gradually learns hismind is separate through maturation and through adults giving him opportunitiesto say ‘No’ and make decisions that are separate from theirs.In order to make decisions and solve problems we need to be able to managefeelings and actions appropriately—to be the boss of ourselves, to understandwhat we need to do, and to make the best choices. This ability depends on:ffbeing able to manage feelings and impulses and actions (called self-regulation)ffbeing able to hold several things in mind in order to solve a problem(dependent on brain development)ffbeing able to think about a problem in different ways in order to get thebest solution (dependent on brain development, learning and practice).Helping children managefeelings and actionsIn the early years parents and carers canhelp children control their:ffNegative feelings: by helping childrenlearn how to express their angerwithout hitting or yelling at someoneffPositive feelings: by helping childrenexpress enthusiasm, without for examplerushing up and hugging strangersffActions: by helping children forexample, stop themselves fromsnatching a toy from another child orrunning down the street if somethingfrightens themffImpulses: by helping children stopthemselves and think before talkingor actingffAttention: by helping children focuson an activity without being quicklydistracted.Babies and toddlers are usually activelyhelped to develop these skills by theirparents and carers. This control is thengradually handed over to children as theylearn to manage their feelings and actionson their own.These skills develop with practise and supportfrom parents, carers and early childhoodstaff. For example, a one-year-old may stopthemselves from touching an electric plugwhen a parent or carer is present. However,if the parent or carer is not present theymay be unable to stop their desire toexplore and touch the plug, even thoughthey may be saying ‘No! No!’ to themselvesat the same time. This example shows thatthe child knows what they are supposed todo, but have not yet mastered the controlto do it. By the time children are three theycan hold in mind two or three thoughts ortasks (e.g., ‘Please get the newspaper fromthe hall and take it to Mummy’).When children learn to manage themselvesin this way they can stop themselves fromdoing something that is not helpful andthink about other ways to do things.Young children benefitby practising decisionmaking.4 Learning to make good decisions and solve problemsKidsMatter Early Childhood – www.kidsmatter.edu.au

Some choices not to offer young childrenThe following examples do not give children an opportunity to practise decisionmaking and can make it difficult for children to develop the confidence and skillsfor good decision making.ffChoices that are too hard for their reasoning abilities. Two-year-oldsdon’t yet have a good understanding of concepts like time and space or thatwhen something disappears it may not come back. Sometimes a parent orcarer may say to a two-year-old that they can choose to keep their dummyor have a special new toy. Two-year-olds need their comfort toys, such asdummies, at times of stress or separation from parents and carers, andthey don’t understand that if they give the dummy away, it won’t comeback when they need it. If a child gives away their dummy for a new toy,they may be distressed when it is not there at bedtime. This is a time whenchildren don’t yet have the ability to make the decision because they cannotpredict what it will mean for them.ffChoices between an activity and a consequence. A statement suchas ‘Do you want to stop throwing that ball in here or do you want me totake away your ball?’ is a warning of what the consequence will be if thechild does not obey you, rather than an opportunity for the child to makea decision. This kind of choice just confuses children. It would be an actualchoice if you said ‘Your ball might break something in here. Do you want toplay with it outside or would you like to have a story here with me?’ffStatements that are not choices. Don’t offer a choice if there really is nodecision to be made. For example, ‘Do you want to come to school in the carto pick up your big brother?’ is not a choice if the child has to come becausethere is no-one to care for them at home.When two-year-old Lennie’s mother asked him ’Do you want to come and haveyour bath now?’ Lennie said ‘No, thank you’. But Lennie did not really have achoice. His mother had decided it was bath time, so asking if he wanted a bathwas not a time to practise making his own choices. His mother might have said‘Lennie it is bath time now, would you like to bring your duck or your cow tohave a bath with you?’ Lennie sometimes says ‘Two minutes more’. He does notyet understand what two minutes means but he has heard his mother say it andhe knows it means a bit more time. If his mother gives him a little more time hewill be learning the beginning of negotiation skills.Offer children choices to develop theirreasoning abilities.This resource and furtherinformation on thenational KidsMatter EarlyChildhood initiative isavailable to download atwww.kidsmatter.edu.au.The KidsMatter EarlyChildhood team alsowelcomes your feedbackwhich can be submittedthrough the website.The KidsMatter Early Childhood information sheets are resources that have been developed in collaboration and with funding from the Australian Government Department of Healthand Ageing. While every care has been taken in preparing this publication, the Commonwealth does not accept liability for any injury or loss or damage arising from the use of, orreliance upon, the content of this publication.Learning to make good decisions and solve problems5Information for families and early childhood staff Component 2 – Developing children’s social and emotional skills