Notes from the Underground - Penn State University

Notes from the Undergroundone time spent some rather soulful moments with him, butthese had not lasted long and had somehow been suddenlyclouded over. He was evidently uncomfortable at these reminiscences,and was, I fancy, always afraid that I might takeup the same tone again. I suspected that he had an aversionfor me, but still I went on going to see him, not being quitecertain of it.And so on one occasion, unable to endure my solitude andknowing that as it was Thursday Anton Antonitch’s doorwould be closed, I thought of Simonov. Climbing up to hisfourth storey I was thinking that the man disliked me andthat it was a mistake to go and see him. But as it alwayshappened that such reflections impelled me, as though purposely,to put myself into a false position, I went in. It wasalmost a year since I had last seen Simonov.IIIDostoyevskyI FOUND TWO of my old schoolfellows with him. They seemedto be discussing an important matter. All of them tookscarcely any notice of my entrance, which was strange, for Ihad not met them for years. Evidently they looked upon meas something on the level of a common fly. I had not beentreated like that even at school, though they all hated me. Iknew, of course, that they must despise me now for my lackof success in the service, and for my having let myself sink solow, going about badly dressed and so on—which seemed tothem a sign of my incapacity and insignificance. But I hadnot expected such contempt. Simonov was positively surprisedat my turning up. Even in old days he had alwaysseemed surprised at my coming. All this disconcerted me: Isat down, feeling rather miserable, and began listening towhat they were saying.They were engaged in warm and earnest conversation abouta farewell dinner which they wanted to arrange for the nextday to a comrade of theirs called Zverkov, an officer in thearmy, who was going away to a distant province. This Zverkovhad been all the time at school with me too. I had begun to51