Notes from the Underground - Penn State University

Notes from the Undergroundmyself, and I wish to declare once and for all that if I write asthough I were addressing readers, that is simply because it iseasier for me to write in that form. It is a form, an emptyform—I shall never have readers. I have made this plain already… I don’t wish to be hampered by any restrictions inthe compilation of my notes. I shall not attempt any systemor method. I will jot things down as I remember them.But here, perhaps, someone will catch at the word and askme: if you really don’t reckon on readers, why do you makesuch compacts with yourself—and on paper too—that is,that you won’t attempt any system or method, that you jotthings down as you remember them, and so on, and so on?Why are you explaining? Why do you apologise?“Well, there it is,” I answer.There is a whole psychology in all this, though. Perhaps itis simply that I am a coward. And perhaps that I purposelyimagine an audience before me in order that I may be moredignified while I write. There are perhaps thousands of reasons.Again, what is my object precisely in writing? If it isnot for the benefit of the public why should I not simplyrecall these incidents in my own mind without putting themDostoyevskyon paper?Quite so; but yet it is more imposing on paper. There issomething more impressive in it; I shall be better able tocriticize myself and improve my style. Besides, I shall perhapsobtain actual relief from writing. Today, for instance, Iam particularly oppressed by one memory of a distant past.It came back vividly to my mind a few days ago, and hasremained haunting me like an annoying tune that one cannotget rid of. And yet I must get rid of it somehow. I havehundreds of such reminiscences; but at times some one standsout from the hundred and oppresses me. For some reason Ibelieve that if I write it down I should get rid of it. Why nottry?Besides, I am bored, and I never have anything to do. Writingwill be a sort of work. They say work makes man kindheartedand honest. Well, here is a chance for me, anyway.Snow is falling today, yellow and dingy. It fell yesterday,too, and a few days ago. I fancy it is the wet snow that hasreminded me of that incident which I cannot shake off now.And so let it be a story a propos of the falling snow.35