First Ever E-Magazine | December 2011 | www ... - Oshwal Centre
First Ever E-Magazine | December 2011 | www ... - Oshwal Centre First Ever E-Magazine | December 2011 | www ... - Oshwal Centre
Neuro-diversityOrlando Bloom, Whoopi Goldberg, RichardBranson, Albert Einstein, Steve Redgrave,Winston Churchill…….The list goes on but whatdo the above names mean to you? Yes, they are famousand successful in their field. Do they have anything elsein common? Answer at the end.First, I want to share with you some of my journey withtwo special people in my life.After years of desperation and heartbreak, I finallybecame a mum. Bringing our adopted 4 week babyhome, made me the proudest person on earth. He camehome with all my aspirations for him, his life planned outin my mind. I had an ideal picture of how parenthood wasgoing to be. At last, we were going to be ‘normal’ asperceived by society at that time for a couple, except thatit didn’t work like that. In a way, being childless was seenas a disability by society at that time.Yes, we now had a child but it was by means of adoptionso still not ‘normal’! I was asked does he speak ‘gujarati’when he was a 4 w eek baby and the classic – do youknow who his parents are? Today, I get the question dothey know they are adopted? Fortunately, the adoptionprocess and our own strength helped us face society withdignity and rise above the pity.Back to my gorgeous child, all was going well, most of thedevelopmental milestones were fine - sitting up, feeding,walking, etc. I attended all the usual mother and babygroups and got together with friends with children of thesame age. This was great except that it meant I did whatwe human beings are good at, COMPARING. Is your sontalking, is he d oing this, is he ou t of nappies…. And thelist goes on.At the back of my mind, there was a niggling feeling but Iput this to the side and wanted so much for my child toconform to ‘normality’. He was quite clingy and hatedbeing in public places. He did not crawl and startedwalking very early or rather running. I was always themum with the child running around, out of control. Westopped going to people’s houses because of fear ofbreaking something. As he got older, things got evenharder as he would say or do s omething odd. Hewould freak if there was something new or wechanged the routine. Even today, preparation isparamount before we attend a social function or goto a new environment.Of course, there was also people’s attitude towardsmy child. Not many people understood or stillunderstand and can be quite judgmental and hurtful,often without thinking or realising. Even today, Icringe when they ask me something about him whenhe is standing there and can speak and understandeverything. I know it hurts him when people askabout which university he is at or has he got a job? Itis not my feelings that I worry about, it is my child’shurt that I cannot bear. The helplessness at notbeing able to change things to make it better for himis unbearable at times. He didn’t ask to be ‘different’.At school, he was always the different one in someway but not obviously. Physically he looks fine butsocially he is ‘different’. He loved playing football sowas quite happy to socialise with other children whoenjoyed the same fervour for running around andkicking balls. The socialising was still a bi t differentthough. Play dates were always hard work. Littlefights or little arguments but still no major alarm bellsrang. Gradually, things started getting difficult. IOshwal News E-Magazine of the O.A.U.K. 17 December 2011 Edition
~ Neuro-diversity ~made my son’s life hell. Why can’t you do that, so and socan do it, why did you say that, you have to work harder.In my ignorance or stupidity, I would listen to my friends,do it like this, make him do that….. Then I would questionmy son, why can you not do t hat maths or understandwhat you have just read…. The list goes on and so didthe endless appointments with doctors, educationalpsychologists, therapists, diets, supplements, etc.I had waited so long for this child, why would there besomething wrong with him? Anything I found innewspapers, the internet, word of mouth, I took him to. Ispent a f ortune. Why? Because I was in denial that mychild could be different to what society calls normal. I sawan advert for a learning centre that could help withlearning difficulties and as always, picked up the phone,made an appointment, and off we went.This time, an honest and life changing opinion was given.I was told he had ‘mild learning difficulties’ anddevelopmental delay. He needed to be in a school thatcaters for this and not the mainstream academic schoolsthat I had been trying to fit him into. These were added tothe labels of dyspraxia, autism, semantic and pragmaticlanguage difficulties, and epilepsy that he already carried.He is not being difficult, lazy or anything else that I hadthought of him or been told about him from school, fellowparents and friends. He was doing his best and I had toaccept his limitations. However, I was also told that wecan teach him to stretch his own ability and nurture hisstrengths to build on his skills. That was the day that Igrieved and breathed a sigh of relief at the same time. Sodid my son (probably) because I backed off! MYIGNORANCE MUST HAVE MADE LIFE HELL FOR HIM.Life became enjoyable again. I accepted him for what heis and let him enjoy his life for himself not for what Iwanted for him. The journey since has not been easy andhas brought many hurdles with joyous moments too andcontinues to do so.Each day, I savour the fact that fate brought thiswonderful human being into our lives and h as enrichedour lives and made us stronger, to the extent that nobooks, no other person, no material things could ever do.Today, he is a f ervent 19 year old facing life in the bestway he can, accepting that he is different but also doinghis best to ‘fit into our society’. I no longer worry aboutwhat people may think about his behaviour or hisachievements because they are the ignorant ones and wehave nothing to be as hamed of. I hold my head up highand savour every thing he achieves because he hasworked so hard to do it, it is worth more than anyuniversity degree or any other sign of success thatsociety measures with. Each small success that he has,we celebrate as if he has won the Nobel Peace Prize. Hemay not conform to ‘society’s norm’ but he has specialqualities that many don’t have. He is the most caringperson I know. He has taught me so much about life thatno book or educational establishment could have done.Seven years later, after bringing my son home and aftermuch deliberation of whether we should have anotherchild in the family or not, would it be fair on our son, etc.,once again, fate played a p art and after a lengthyadoption procedure, we brought my daughter home. Thistime, I didn’t bring home with her, my own plans of herfuture mapped out in the same way. But I certainly didpray at the back of my mind that this child will be ‘normal’or perhaps not have any disabilities because ‘I can’tcope’. Well, I got my comeuppance for that thoughtbecause beautiful and intelligent as she is, she started toshow signs of something not being right. Totally differentto my son though. Totally with it, at 12 years old, sociallyand emotionally much more able but academically, herewe go…. My first thoughts were oh no, I can’t do thisagain. But somehow, we always get the strength to dealwith what life throws at us. She has difficulty with workingat speed, her reading and writing skills do not match herverbal ability. Again, teachers used to say, she will neverbe academic, she lacks confidence, she doesn’t try hardenough….. The list goes on. But I am now wiser. Shecannot do it because there is a real barrier to herlearning. We have found the right school that nurturesand brings out the best in her. What label does this childcarry? I have another child that is neuro-diverse but in adifferent way to my son. She is dyslexic.So here you have it, WE ARE THE PROUD PARENTSOF TWO NEURO-DIVERSE CHILDREN!! My childrenhave taken me on a journey which has resulted in my life,career and out look being completely different to thatperson who started motherhood with ‘an ideal’ picture oflife. I share my life with others quite openly because wehave nothing to be as hamed of. By sharing, I learn somuch about helping my children and often, help otherswho are lost and d o not know what they can do. I stillhave a lot to learn.Back to the list of famous people.Were you going to say all those people I named are allneuro-diverse? Yes they are all dyslexic. Does thatchange your opinion of them? Is dyslexia a disability or anability?Neurodiversity (ND) refers to a r ange of conditions thatcause people to process information differently from theway the majority of people do. It includes dyspraxia, AD(H)D, Asperger's syndrome, dyscalculia and dyslexia.These are sometimes called Specific Learning Difficultiesor differences.Oshwal News E-Magazine of the O.A.U.K. 18 December 2011 Edition
- Page 4 and 5: EditorialOn behalf of the Oshwal M&
- Page 6 and 7: ~ What is Enabling Network? ~which
- Page 8 and 9: What is it like in Inclusive Educat
- Page 10 and 11: Never Give Up HopeBy, Parul ShahMy
- Page 12 and 13: Who looks after Carers?by, Varsha D
- Page 14 and 15: Barnet Asian Carers Groupby, Suresh
- Page 16 and 17: Riks’ StoryContributed by, Anthon
- Page 20 and 21: ~ Neuro-diversity ~DyslexiaMany peo
- Page 22 and 23: ~ Global Developmental Delay ~Her p
- Page 24 and 25: ~ Peaks and troughs of a Family Fac
- Page 26 and 27: ~ ENABLING NETWORK ~Since the Works
- Page 28: General InformationAs an Oshwal Mem
Neuro-diversityOrlando Bloom, Whoopi Goldberg, RichardBranson, Albert Einstein, Steve Redgrave,Winston Churchill…….The list goes on but whatdo the above names mean to you? Yes, they are famousand successful in their field. Do they have anything elsein common? Answer at the end.<strong>First</strong>, I want to share with you some of my journey withtwo special people in my life.After years of desperation and heartbreak, I finallybecame a mum. Bringing our adopted 4 week babyhome, made me the proudest person on earth. He camehome with all my aspirations for him, his life planned outin my mind. I had an ideal picture of how parenthood wasgoing to be. At last, we were going to be ‘normal’ asperceived by society at that time for a couple, except thatit didn’t work like that. In a way, being childless was seenas a disability by society at that time.Yes, we now had a child but it was by means of adoptionso still not ‘normal’! I was asked does he speak ‘gujarati’when he was a 4 w eek baby and the classic – do youknow who his parents are? Today, I get the question dothey know they are adopted? Fortunately, the adoptionprocess and our own strength helped us face society withdignity and rise above the pity.Back to my gorgeous child, all was going well, most of thedevelopmental milestones were fine - sitting up, feeding,walking, etc. I attended all the usual mother and babygroups and got together with friends with children of thesame age. This was great except that it meant I did whatwe human beings are good at, COMPARING. Is your sontalking, is he d oing this, is he ou t of nappies…. And thelist goes on.At the back of my mind, there was a niggling feeling but Iput this to the side and wanted so much for my child toconform to ‘normality’. He was quite clingy and hatedbeing in public places. He did not crawl and startedwalking very early or rather running. I was always themum with the child running around, out of control. Westopped going to people’s houses because of fear ofbreaking something. As he got older, things got evenharder as he would say or do s omething odd. Hewould freak if there was something new or wechanged the routine. Even today, preparation isparamount before we attend a social function or goto a new environment.Of course, there was also people’s attitude towardsmy child. Not many people understood or stillunderstand and can be quite judgmental and hurtful,often without thinking or realising. Even today, Icringe when they ask me something about him whenhe is standing there and can speak and understandeverything. I know it hurts him when people askabout which university he is at or has he got a job? Itis not my feelings that I worry about, it is my child’shurt that I cannot bear. The helplessness at notbeing able to change things to make it better for himis unbearable at times. He didn’t ask to be ‘different’.At school, he was always the different one in someway but not obviously. Physically he looks fine butsocially he is ‘different’. He loved playing football sowas quite happy to socialise with other children whoenjoyed the same fervour for running around andkicking balls. The socialising was still a bi t differentthough. Play dates were always hard work. Littlefights or little arguments but still no major alarm bellsrang. Gradually, things started getting difficult. I<strong>Oshwal</strong> News E-<strong>Magazine</strong> of the O.A.U.K. 17 <strong>December</strong> <strong>2011</strong> Edition
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