The Body in the Basement - Alex Broun

43EILEEN:That’s telling him.THE MAN IN BLACK PULLS OUT AN EGG FLIPPER.MAX:Oh come on – that’s just an egg flipper.MAN IN BLACK:This – my leftist leaning sewer sucking scumbag is a patented S.S.MAX:S.S. ? That sounds more like it.EILEEN: (SWEETLY) Don’t mind him. Which stands for ?MAN IN BLACK:Subversive Swatter.MAX:Now you’re just being silly.MAN IN BLACK:I can assure you Sir. I am as far from silly as silly can be, Now– to work.THE MAN BLACK PICKS UP THE EGG FLIPPER, COAT HANGER ANDCRICKET BAT.MAN IN BLACK: Which way to the U.I.F. ?EILEEN POINTS HELPFULLY TO THE BASEMENT DOOR.MAN IN BLACK:Thank you, Ma’am. I will enjoy more of your company on myreturn.EILEEN:(PURRING) Looking forward to it.MAX RUNS TO THE DOOR AND BLOCKS THE MAN IN BLACK’S PATH.MAX:EILEEN:No. I’m not going to let you use that stuff on her. She’s done nothing.Forget him. He’s just got the hots for her.MAN IN BLACK:Sir, you are acting in an inflammatory and obstructive manner.EILEEN:No, he lost both the candles.MAX: And hitting her with a cricket bat is in some way helpful ?MAN IN BLACK:Sir, you fail to grasp the subtle complexities of this situation.MAX: Which are ?MAN IN BLACK:Using the most intricate form of subterfuge this U.I.F. hasinsinuated herself into said location (i.e. your basement) and