The Body in the Basement - Alex Broun

32MAX ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN, AGAIN WITHOUT THE CANDLEBUT HOLDING THE KNIFE.HE WATCHES EILEEN FOR AWHILE THEN:MAX:I’m back.EILEEN SPINS AROUND SUDDENLY AND IN DOING SO LOSES HERBALANCE AND TUMBLES TO THE FLOOR.MAX COMES OVER AND HELPS HER UP.EILEEN: So ?MAX DOES NOT REPLY, HE GOES OVER TO THE TABLE AND SITS.HE POURS HIMSELF A GLASS OF WATER.EILEEN: Did you find anything ?MAX NODS.EILEEN: (BURSTING WITH SUSPENSE) What is it ?MAX:It’s not an “it.”EILEEN: Well, what is it then ?MAX:EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:EILEEN:MAX:It’s a she.I knew it. A local alley cat is it – on heat – crawled into our basementto fart out its little rodents.It’s not a cat.One of the local bitch mongrels then. I told the council they should’verounded them up and gassed the lot.No.It’s not a rat is it ? A filthy grey she rat chugging out its evil spawn.I’m afraid not.Then what the hell is it ? A pigmy hippopotamus, crawled up out of thesewer.It’s a woman.EILEEN IS STUNNED. SHE REELS BACKWARD SLOWLY AND SITSON A CHAIR.